DS escaped from school and thats just the start of it.....

[AliceInWonderBra]

i will try to make this as short as possible honestly :)

Ds is 3 and half years old, and attending nursery, his teacher called DP in on thurs to say he managed to get out of the school yard, the teacher then made out that DS was the naughtiest child in the class and he spits, and pushes other children off the chairs, he's snatching toys etc.

now i know parents think their LO's are angels but i am not ashamed to say DS has his little moments at home, where he'll be sent to the naughty corner, but he is definatly NOT the child they are describing. He has always played nice, he is well mannered, etc i would say he is well behaved, and we can take him any where and not have him play up.

i arranged a meeting then with his teacher and the head master, to discuss his behavior.

they "had a go" if you like, about him getting through a gap in the fence which is big enough for a table to block up, which is what they done and DS climbed over and into the school carpark which the gates are always open on to the main road.
i asked them if they were going to fix the fence and their reply was "he should know the danger"
i said to them, well he is a 3 year old he has never been in a position of danger, and obviously doesnt understand.
it wasnt even the teacher on duty who realised that he was out, it was a teacher who was in the staff room!!!!!!

i asked them then if he tried to get out on friday, and they said "no we made him hold our hand around the yard, so that he didnt try" i burst into tears and told them, well thats a punishment when he hadnt done anything wrong that day, and he should be allowed to play with the other children,
their answer was "well better safe than sorry" i was like "no, the answer is to fix the damn fence"

am i being unreasonable? they want to do a Naughty book on him, so i asked well if you're doing that i want you to do a good book on him too.

the long and the short of it, is i think they're shit scared that a child of his age got out, and now to cover their tracks are trying to label him as a naughty child and make out that, thats why it happened.
i have told them not to label him has naughty but i feel like im the let down here.
he really isnt the child that they are making out to be and lots of friends and family are completly shocked at what has gone on.

please tell me what you think of this, and some advice of the next stage would be appreciated please.

This happened to friend of my sons. He was pushed off the play equpiment and despite telling a teacher no-one checked him over. He actually had two broken teeth and a split chin. He just got himself a tissue. When his mum went in to complain they made out like he was really naughty and was playing a game that was banned. They are trying to absolve the responsibility.

This post seems awfully familiar, not sure if from here before or another site a few weeks ago. First post from the poster too.

This really does not sound like the sort of place I'd like my child to attend.

It is possible that he is "naughty" at nursery, but I'd be looking for the reasons why, not labelling him. He sounds angry to me, and it's entirely possible that their attitude to him has something to do with that.

Happy - does it really matter?

Agree with everyone else.

Phone Ofsted to complain about the hole in the fence.

Was this the first time his behaviour has been critisised? Children can behave very differently at home than at nursery but if they have never commented before, I would be querying this.

Do you have an alternative to this nursery?

Home school books are a tried and tested method for dealing with children that display inappropriate behaviour. However, they normally focus on the positive not the negative so that a child will feel good about themselves and not feel like they are being told off all of the time. I work in a school and sometimes it is extremley difficult to pick a positive moment in a childs day if they are displaying extremley bad behaviour, but I always manage to find something! It is unacceptable they are labelling him naughty and not the behaviour, that went out with the ark and OFSTED would be very interested to hear about it. Also it is the nursery's duty to safeguard your child, a hole in a fence doesn't sound very safe. I would echo what others have said about the behaviour as children do often behave very differently at school to home, but you should be given the opportunity to go into the class, as say a helper, to witness this first hand if you are unhappy that they are telling the truth.

um what the fuck?
A naughty book?????
Get him out of there alice, he must be so unhappy there, the poor little thing- it sound like they are projecting their mistakes onto him. It's the naughty book thing that really riles me, how dare they?
Get them to put what they said in writing and send a copy for ofsted. I'm so angry on your behalf!

My ds is the same age as yours and he is off like a shot at the first oppurtunity. He needs to be watched like a hawk. He is not naughty, he is curious as to what exciting thing is just out of sight.
I would pull him out of nursery immediately if this happened. WIll you ever be able to send your son in and then relax whilst he is there? I know i could not, I owuld be worried sick every minute he was at that nursery.
Pull him out and report the nursery.

Pre- kids I was a supervisor in a nursery and think that appalling.
Theres no way they should be expecting a 3yr to know risks.
They should of had the fence fixed ASAP and had it guarded at all time whilst outside.ie A member of staff standing by it.

They are totally trying to cover thier arses!
I would def contact Ofsted who will look into it more.
Reguardless of a child behaviour its thier duty to keep that child safe.

As for a Naughty book! ... Well we never even used the word naughty, let alone have a book. Ofsted would not be impressed with that.
Surely if he was that bad they would of brought it to your attention sooner and should have been working with you in ways to improve his behaviour. Screams trying to make excuses to me.
Its also not fair for him to be excluded from playing as punishment for something thats not his fault.

Definately contact ofsted.

Totally agree with pigley

You need to contact Ofsted regarding the nursery's lack of attention to the hole in the fence. It is completely unreasonable for them to expect a 3 yo to have an understanding of any type of risk.

Regarding your child's behaviour: they are, imo, attempting to cover themselves by diverting attention from their errors onto your child. From your port it is unclear if you have been spoken to regarding his behaviour before, however, on reading it appears to imply you haven't. If that is so, then they really are being malicious and deliberately so - they have made mistakes and they are laying them off on your DS.

Most 3 yo's would be through a hole in the fence as fast as a bullet - their only thinking (if they thought at all) being - wow, what adventures are through here!

I also have to add my to the idea of a 'naughty book'. To label a child in this way is disgusting and damaging. He will, through their concerted efforts make a connection that he is a bad child and deserves his marginalisation.

If you have the option please consider changing his nursery, along with reporting them to Ofsted.

Your son sounds completely normal, imo. A normal curious delightful little boy.

post, not port

Ring Ofsted first thing tomorrow and report them, also photograph the broken fence if you can, maybe pop out to do it today.

Their behaviour is atrocious. How dare they blame your child? They know they are in the wrong, and they know they are liable to be closed down.

Find another nursery, this one is not fit to look after children.

I was about to say what Bunty did - get a photograph of that fence ASAP.

I agree report them to Ofsted. I would also be furious and suspicious that they had not previously contacted me about his behaviour. I think having a 'naughty' book is unacceptable for a three year old. YANBU