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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DH going back to uni is a fantastic thing

26 replies

Wintersnow · 05/11/2010 21:35

In fact I know I'm not being unreasonable, just want to understand why so many people think I am! DH and I had DD quite young, he has always worked full time since the age of 16 and earned fairly good money but was working in a call centre with no room to work his way up and no qualifications. After DS was born we decided we would bite the bullet and be poor for a few years so he could go to uni and get a degree, then do a pgce in teaching, meaning that although we would be worse of for a while we would end up better off in the future. He hasn't told his dad as his dad would be disapointed in him, all his colleagues thought it was really irresponsible and even the cashier in Lloyds bank the other day had a bit of a go at him asking what his family thought of this little plan...

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 05/11/2010 21:38

Improving yourself isn't being irresponsible, and would his dad really be disappointed in him? Or does he just think he will?

I'm with you, learning stuff is the best thing you can do, it gives you confidence and self esteem as well as a bigger earning potential.

If you're behind him he can't fail.

WashingBasketMonster · 05/11/2010 21:39

You and your DH will have the last laugh, when he is qualified.

I think it's really nice that you've been really supportive of him too. Don't worry about what others think - it's not worth the time or energy.

spidookly · 05/11/2010 21:43

It is an absolutely fantastic thing - such an exciting undertaking for him.

Being a teacher is an important, rewarding job.

He will love college, mature students often get loads out of it as they really appreciate the opportunity.

And then, when he's happily ensconced in a school moulding the minds of the future it will be your turn, right? RIGHT? :)

What will you do?

This is the reward for having DCs early - you have this flexibility to do these kinds of things.

Doing what he's doing is a risk - that's why people are down on it. But it's a risk worth taking for all of you IMO.

Original poster

Wintersnow · 05/11/2010 21:46

I completed an access course the year after DD was born and next year am planning to start my degree, can't wait!

OP posts:

ABitBatty · 05/11/2010 21:54

I went to uni last year and it took me weeks to tell my own mother that I had because I thought she would be disappointed or would have something negative to say . In reality she was really chuffed for me

AgentZigzag · 05/11/2010 21:56

I would find it hard to understand any parent who doesn't want their son or daughter to do something worthwhile and that will benefit their family.

RevoltingPeasant · 05/11/2010 21:56

Hey Wintersnow, good for your DH. I am a uni lecturer and mature students are the BEST. Really. They are so motivated, they know why they are there, and they get so much more out of it because they actually do the reading.

They are also fantastic to have in discussions because they remember stuff that happened before 1998!!

Bugger the cashier in Lloyds. He's probably just jealous.

MsVelvet · 05/11/2010 21:58

I am also gone back to uni to be a mental health nurse, my daughter is 2+4months and she will benefit from it so much when i qualify. There is nothing wrong in trying to better yourself, shame others cant see it that way, i have got the same attitude from other people too :(

RevoltingPeasant · 05/11/2010 22:18

MsV, have you really? That is interesting; none of the mature students I have taught has ever mentioned this but it seems a couple of people have had this reaction. What do they actually say to you? The mind boggles...

Anyhow good on you.

Kitta · 05/11/2010 23:43

Good for him, and you!

mumeeee · 05/11/2010 23:46

YANBU, It is good he wants to do something to to better your future.

SparklyJules · 05/11/2010 23:51

Good on him and you for supporting him!

I've thought about it but would lack support from my DH so I've sort of given up on it now.

And although it seems years away, the time will fly in and before you know it you'll be reaping your rewards.

magicmummy1 · 05/11/2010 23:56

Good for him! And good on you for being so supportive!

I recruited someone a while ago to work part-time in my office. He had given up a much better paid job in order to go to uni, and took our job because it fitted in well around his studies. We all thought it was fantastic that he had taken such a leap of faith in order to pursue his goals, but sadly, he left after a couple of months because his wife wouldn't stop moaning about the drop in their income. He subsequently dropped out of his studies and went back to work full-time. I think he was devastated. :(

twinklingfairy · 06/11/2010 00:05

My Bro has just gone back to Uni. We are all so very proud of him.
He had to leave his well paid, and I think he was at director level, job (long story) and has decided to see this set back as an opportunity to look at his life and decided that to go back into it just wasn't for him.
He is doing some sports thing or other. I am so bad, I don't even know what it is.
But the point of my ramble is that he has taken a massive pay cut, from loads of money to um, none.
Not even getting benefits yet, for some reason.
He has a GF and a 2yr old DD, she is completely behind him too.

Good for you guys!!
I applied for the post grad teaching but didn't get on this year
It is distance learning so will be 2yrs before I can try again, too
oh well.

Anyway, good for your DH!!

ccpccp · 06/11/2010 09:13

DH is looking at 3 to 4 very hard years to get a PGCE if he only has GCSEs and has been out of education for a while.

How are you going to afford this many years with no real income?

mumdrivenmad · 06/11/2010 09:27

do you know that when you get a place at Uni, you can apply for a maintenance grant as well as the student loans if you are over 25 and there are other grants available if you are supporting family too. Just ask for the prospectus for the Uni that you are thinking of applying to and the infirmation will be in there.

mumdrivenmad · 06/11/2010 09:29

mumdrivenmad · 06/11/2010 09:30

oops sorry don't know how that happened

BonfieryFlisspaps · 06/11/2010 09:33

I think it's brilliant. Good on you, Wintersnow's DH

BonfieryFlisspaps · 06/11/2010 09:35

And he doesn't have to do 3 years full time if it does become a financial burden.

Credit that he builds up at another university would count towards an OU degree, so if you really aren't managing in a year or so, he could go back to work and complete his degree part time with the OU and then do the PGCE.

BaggyCoconut · 06/11/2010 09:41

I think it is not irresponsable at all. In the long term it will be really worth it. To be better off after will be very worth it, just think about when your DCs need help leaving home/going uni/buying the first car etc etc. You will be in a much betetr position to help them. So its a great idea!

I am studying with the OU as I can't attend "normal" uni due to our cicumstances at the moment. I am sure I was offered the job I have just accepted due to me getting up and studying off my own back.

Well done to your DH. The few years of tighter times, will be worth it in the long run.

Good luck to him, hope he enjoys himself.

Opinionatedfreak · 06/11/2010 10:16

I think it is fabulous. A real leap of faith.

I hope it all works out for you.

Wilts · 06/11/2010 10:23

Dh and I both gave up jobs to go to university, I went first and he followed the year after.

I am now qualified and he graduates next year. We decided we would put up with being less well off as overall we would gain from it.
As it happens with bursary's and grants etc we were financially ok.

We are actually struggling more now I am working and he is still a student.

The children have not suffered in anyway and actually I think it has been positive for them to see us both studying.

Don't worry about what other people think and good luck you your Dh

TheProvincialLady · 06/11/2010 10:39

It sounds like your DHs dad has not been to university himself, probably doesn't have a professional type job, and is scared/threatened because his son is doing something that is a) unknown to him b) beyond his own abilities c) going to make his son 'better' than him and probably 'posher' (in his eyes). Those feelings are sort of understandable - lots of people who are the first to go to university in their family have had to deal with relations who feel the same way. But ultimately they are NOT your DH's problem and unless your DH is asking his dad for money to support his family, your DH has the right to ask his dad to keep his feelings to himself.

As for the cashier.....woe betide any fecking cashier who commented on my career choices! Your DH needs to come up with a phrase like "Yes well luckily it is none of your business is it."

I think you are both very sensible and will reap big rewards for this in the long term.

spidookly · 06/11/2010 14:23

Well done to you too then.

Best of luck to both of you :)

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