Genuines question re YR4 teacher getting the whole class

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

to call my ds a 'dipstick'.

So context, DS1 didn't know how to use the PC/board pen and forgot to click it so he did it all wrong. (He isn't the sharpest pencil in the box when it comes to school work, no great interest and a very late starter, no SN just average boy really and so part of the AIBU is tied in with me worrying about this). When his mistake became apparent his teacher said Thomas(namechange) you dipstick, everybody say Thoooomassssssss iiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss aaaaaaaa diiippsttiickkkk.....in the way that children say the register/talk in assembly.

DS1 came home and said it ruined his day. He divulged later that teacher calls other children dipstick too. Teacher is highly committed, a little stressy, fun, well liked by parents and staff alike....except for his regular absence around parents evening.

DS1 is my PFB and probably not well equipped to deal with this level of piss taking.

Do I just deal with DS, not making a fuss, or would I BU to speak to the teacher? I don't want to undermine him or put a spanner in the works.

Should I just lighten up?

(If this was ds2 who finds school a breeze and loves it I know I would feel differently.)

OP- I'm a year 3 teacher and with Ghostie on this one. It sounds like an otherwise good teacher has made a serious error of judgement. Perhaps in class your ds comes across as more confident/mature than he is deep down? Or maybe the teacher was having a bad day? We all say things to children that we regret sometimes (although I've never done anything like that!)

I think you need to let him know how your ds felt but don't be too hard on him- I expect he'll feel terrible about it.

Hope all goes well.

x post!!

Shocking error of judgment!

your son seem really mature to be able to realise that the teacher was not necessarily being mean but still voicing (to you) that he did not like being called names.

Whether the teacher did it purposely or not is irrelevant IMHO, he has got to be challenged on it. When my Dcs or the Dcs I work with say hurtful things to another child and the child says he was hurt I ask the "perpetrator" to say sorry , not on the basis it was intentional but on the basis that it was hurtful to the recipient of the comment if that makes sense?

I will ask my DS tomorrow (Just a little bit older than yours) and see if he would have followed the instruction of the teacher to repeat that your son was a dipstick, I might be wrong but I am pretty sure he would have been mortified at such a request from the teacher. I will let you know.

thanks, it's great to hear from teachers and a parent of older boys. The initial posts are great too, it certainly made me realise that I wasn't that outraged. I actually feel sorry for the man and think he might be mortified which is why DS coming is a good thing all round.

yanbu
and I would be going in to see this man and having very sharp words with him.

I would knock the fecker out! Not kidding.

OMG. Letter to the head and governors. Completely out of order!

There is a small minority of teachers who enter the profession because they love bullying.

Not pleasant for you DS, even if it was supposed to be in fun. A bit insensitive of the teacher. Am I the only person that thinks dipstick is slang for penis? I wouldn't be happy with the choice of word or, thinking about it, on any level. Not nice. It's like locker room teasing but your DS is only young. You'd think the teacher would know better. A misjudgement on his part.

I am a teacher and I am absolutely and utterly shocked by this. To me "dipstick" seems to be quite a strong and crude insult (doesn't it refer to penis, or am I totally wrong about that) and encouraging the whole class to call a child names is sickening. The most I would ever say to a child is that they're being silly and that would be in a jokey way and only on a one to one basis. Even the mildest comment can sometimes really hurt a child's feelings especially if it is said in front of the whole class. Taking a step further and actually getting the class to repeat an insult is really really out of order.

I would definitely say something to the teacher and attempt to make him realise the impact his words have on the kids he teaches. If any child said to me that something I said upset them (no matter what it was) I would be very apologetic and I would ensure to think twice about saying it again. If he really is a good teacher he should realise that sometimes even praise can embarrass a child and make them feel bad and so out and out namecalling is completely off limits.

I am also a teacher (female, secondary) and I have worked with at least 3 male staff who have this kind of 'banter' with the class - all of whom get the same kind of teasing....i am not saying it is appropriate. My own kid (8)
would hate it, blush and want to shrink into seat. Which is why I don't do that to other people's kids.

But to be honest a lot of the pupils I came across -including the ones who were being teased - took it in good part and loved the male staff, thought they were fun and were cool 'safe'.

In my head, your teacher is in his 30s tops,
thinks he has a good rapport with the class and doesn't realise he has made a schoolboy error.

I would pop my head round the door and have a quiet word cheerfully explaining that only you as his mum has the right to ever call him a dipstick and even then you don't cos he's not a confident lad. See how he reacts:
if he is nice chalk it up to an error of judgement, if he acts like a tosser then yanbu to put the boot in (i.e. escalate).

I think YANBU to be angry as this teacher was behaving in a totally unprofessional manner. His job is educate children - so how does targeting a shy child for a 'joke' achieve that aim? Your son was not misbehaving.
IMO this teacher is a bully, and is encouraging the children to bully too. I am so cross for you!

OK I asked DS ( I thought I would have a quiet spot of MNetting early morning but no they are all awake[grrr]) what he thought of the situation. I replaced your DS by one of his classmates. He said to me that him repeating it would depend on whether his friend was smiling or not when the teacher asked the class to repeat. He also said that his teacher (a woman) uses the word "dipstick" sometimes and they all appear to find it funny for some reason (I stress that she never asked one of the children to call another one a dipstick though)

There's a big difference between saying someone is a dipstick/naugty/bad and that they are acting like a dipstick/naughty/bad. IMO a teacher should know this (I work with SN kids and adults) and use the latter. Disapprove of the behaviour, not the person. YANBU.

I am disgusted, leave DS out of it but take it to the top! LEA the lot, this teacher is out of order!!!! ooo am all on my high horse and feisty now. grrrrr

its how cliques start
its how bullying becomes ok
its just plain wrong

So this is the outcome, I confided in ds's teacher form last year who is ds2's this year,. I get on very very well with him. He said he would talk to DS1 and get back to me at the end of the day. Head phoned me just before lunch to gather info. She was great.

After school I had a chat with DS1's teacher and he apologised having already apologised to DS1. He said he didn't realise DS1 was so sensitive and he shouldn't have done the whole class thing, but it was done with affection. I said I understood that and hadn't thought it nay other than poor judgement. I also explained that asking everyone to name call is undermining and belittling and that I was uncomfortable generally with a teacher name calling,. I said I thought the worst outcome would be that he could now be known throughout his school life as 'dipstick' and I would view this with utmost seriousness.

I told him I supported him as a teacher to teach however he saw fit, and knew that his reputation for being a committed, fun, enthusiastic and great teacher was well deserved and hoped that this would be forgotten by Monday!! I'm now going to give my son a big cuddle. Thanks to all who took time to post!

I was going to post as a deputy ht to agree with ghostie et al. I would guess that the teacher was probably aware once he had said it that he'd made a mistake. I see it's sorted out though.

Well done - good resolution. :)

Oh Posie, well done, well handled, good for you.

Well handled Posie, it sounds like a genuine mistake on his part and one I'm sure he won't make again.

Good for your son for having the courage to express his feelings about it, wish I had done the same wheni was his age.

I think you handled the matter well.

Sounds like you handled it well, not too sure about the teacher?

Sounds like he sees himself as one of the cool kids and doesn't care who he belittles to maintain that status.

Surely the point isn't the level of your son's 'sensitivity' - you just don't treat children (or anyone else) like that.

I'd still think he was a prize twat if I were in your situation.

You should hear what we call the kids in the staffroom.....

Sack him and be done with it.