to think half an hour's detention is too long for a 7 yr old?

[fondant4000]

My daughter has been given half an hour's detention at lunchtime for 'talking in line'.

This is her first term at Junior school, she is a very well-behaved child (yes, I know all parents say that). She likes to please, and is horrified at getting kept in. Last night she was crying and unable to sleep for thinking about it.

She says that she was just answering another child's question and that it's difficult to just not answer. She says there was no warning, and she had no idea the punishment wd be half an hour's detention.

My point is that she says she will be kept in for half an hour, during which time she is not allowed to do anything except sit.

Regardless of whether she deserves the punishment, it does seem an awfully long time for a 7 year old in Year 3 to sit still.

Would it be unreasonable of me to talk to the teacher and ask, at least for the first time, for it to be reduced to 10-15 minutes?

TBH it seems completely dispropotionate and counterproductive to do this at all, but I do understand the school has rules.

YABU... If the teacher has decided detention is appropriate then it won't be just for one small matter of 'answering someone else's question'. I doubt that she will be asked to just sit still either. Reading a book, helping with a chore or getting on with some work is more usual. If she's upset then calm her down but explain that you're not going to intervene... that would undermine the teaching staff.

YABU.

Agree with Chil

I agree - YABU.

I have intervened in the past - DD was being bullied and her tormentor kicked her in a lesson. She yelped and was given a detention for being disruptive. I hit the roof as it was a girl that she should never have been put near as they have a bit of a history.

She got a detention the other week for not handing her homework in on time. She had tried to twice but the teacher wasn't in her room. This was fair as she tried twice in a whole week.

Teachers get a rough deal a lot of the time IMO from parents. I reckon that your DD will think not answering is a lot easier not, no?

Then do you think it would be OK for me to check what detention wd involve? When I suggested that it would not just be sitting to daughter, she said they are not allowed to do anything - no reading, drawing etc.

If she is getting the detention for being a chatterbox then 'being quiet' would be a logical part of it. There are worse things. I really think you should keep your distance, let her deal with it and then tell you what happened when she gets home.

School clearly changed! I didn't get detention until secondary school, and very justifiably - for being late.

Didn't realise they started detention as young as 7 for this kind of thing.

Detention at primary was in lunchtime. At high school it was after school.

I agree (again) with Chil - the punishment is fitting the 'crime'. 30 mins is really not that long to sit still quietly. I'm sure she could manage it if she was watching tv!

Oh, and get her to apologise to her teacher. That little courtesy goes a v v long way.

buttonmoon78 Thanks for your advice. Apologising to teacher sounds good idea.

Errrm I don't think she has ever sat still for longer than 10 minutes (except when drawing or doing maths). She hardly watches TV because she gets bored. She is always doing something. That's why I can't see her doing 30 minutes!

It's good that she's always doing something but, in class, she and the other children will be expected to get on with something quietly for increasingly long periods of time as they move through school. Someone who gets itchy feet after 10 minutes can be disruptive in that environment. You can encourage her to extend her concentration span at home with absorbing activities like drawing or crafts or board games.

Chil1234 Understand what you are saying but she is very good at concentrating for long periods of time on a task.

She does not get 'itchy feet' - only if she is not doing something. Is certainly not attention span problem, she just likes to be doing things. She's quite capable of absorbing herself for hours in drawing, making things and doing puzzles.

I think you'd be surprised at what's expected of them at school! In Y3 they spend time getting on with tasks quietly, sitting for assembly etc. I appreciate neither of these are sitting doing nothing, but the point is that it is not unreasonable to expect them to be absorbed by their task for 30 mins.

Don't forget that whilst your experience of your DD far outweighs anyone else's, a teacher's experience of 7 year olds in this respect is likely to be far greater than yours will ever be!

In two minds about this one. Detention at 7 seems a bit OTT to me. I would be minded I think to run with the detention but to make an appointment to see the teacher and discuss the circumstances surrounding the detention for your own peace of mind and also to establish if there are any background/behavioural issues of which you are unaware. IE go in supportively and see if there is anything you can do at home to support your daughter and the teacher.

Personally, if our dd answered a question I think it is surprising that there aren't two children in detention.

I do recall Chil1234 an occasion at a school assembly when my ds sat in a row and the child on each side made constant whispers to him and he sat fixed ahead, completely quietly and I was rather proud. Very close to the end he said something back after a great deal of provocation and yet he was the one yelled at. Boy 1 was son of a classroom assistant and boy 2 was son of the chair of govs - their behaviour went unnoticed.

IMO teachers are not always beyond reproach but I do agree they often have to be handled very carefully and with a forked tongue.

Go and talk to the teacher.
I used to keep a log of significant incidents that led to a serious consequence, so when a parent complained about excessive discipline, I could explain the sequence of events.
Sometimes the children had selective memories, but that hadn't occurred to the parents.

Sorry - I automatically assumed you'd see the teacher to discuss this anyway!

"yet he was the one yelled at"

Exact same thing happened to me at school and a lot of other people as well, I expect. Annoying but that's life, isn't it? Not always scrupulously fair ...

If you look at the OP, she has only her DD's side of the story so far and isn't questioning any of it.

I agree - a child's story is always one sided and often a little selective!

I think you need to accept that you were not there, and you were not in charge of your daughter at that time. The teacher is in charge of the class and therefore has to be the person who makes these decisions. If every parent decided to investigate and make a judgement each time a child is disciplined in school, it would be impossible for teachers to maintain good order. I'm sorry but I think YABU. The best thing you can do is reassure your daughter, get her to do the detention with good grace and then move on. It really isn't the end of the world. the fact that your dd is upset shows that the punishment will be effective. If you show her that each time she gets upset you will fix it for her then I don't think you are doing her any favours. This is a minor matter and I think you are overreacting a bit tbh

It is the first time I hear of a 1/2 hour detention in primary school. I have heard of children loosing 5-10 minutes of playtime if they were really disruptive or if they had work to finish.

It seems OTT to me, what do they do do children who do really misbehave? Is it possible that your DD misunderstood the actual length of the punishment?

My son uses the "But I was only answering a question" line too. I remain unmoved!

He also says "I was kept in for hours" when I know for a fact that it was 10 minutes!

YANBU.

A teacher putting a 7 year old in detention for that says more about the teacher's inadequacy, and lack of skills communicating with children.

Keep an eye out on that teacher.

That's why you need the whole picture.
It could turn out to be direct defiance, an endemic problem and 10 minutes keeping her mouth shut.

I am not intending to challenge the need for a punishment. I realise I only have one side of the story, and it could have been the culmination of my daughter, or the class, not listening enough. So am happy to accept the detention.

I just think half an hour sitting still for a first offence, with no warning and no prior explanation of what detention is might be worth talking to the teacher about.

Have appreciated all the advice on here. Have decided to talk to the teacher, to say she feels sorry and realises what she's done is wrong, to ask what detention means - eg is it half an hour of nothing or do they get asked to help out with something - and to ask if they feel there are any issues we can help with - eg is she often not listening or paying attention.

That doesn't seem unreasonable to me.