to tell MIL where to go on the 'are you trying for a girl' Q?

[sandyfeet]

We have 2 boys who I wouldn't change for anything. However my MIL keeps asking 'when are you trying for a girl'. I get very and at this as it sounds like one or more of my boys aren't wanted or aren't good enough.

To make matters more complicated we are TTC DC#3. I am very sure that we want another DC and genuinely have no preference as to girl or boy - tbo would be v if it was a girl given our boys!

Am already gearing up for my response to her questions and feel me making comments on the line of 'well naturally if its another boy we will ebay it' are probably not very helpful, but can hear it coming out...

Any suggestions?

can imagine!! we have 2 boys and agree that it is wonderful and i would equally be delighted with another one. i think she is probably just joking and she'd equally love another grandson, i'm sure. does she have any daughters?

Hi stinky - really don't think she is joking but it all seems so trite when I write it down. She isn't that interested in DS2 anyway and I know her views on children...she is slightly obsessive.

Guess am just a little apprehensive about that kind of comment!

op yanbu i think there are actually quite a lot of people around who genuinely don't understand that you actually wont care whats the gender they are so fixed on the idea of "but you need a girl now after having a boy/boys" i come across it myself too, i have 2 boys like yourself. sometimes people sincerely feel sorry for you like "oh what a shame you didnt have a girl for your 2nd one" but as you are not bothered yourself i think best tactic: ignore ignore ignore
although with mil if you fear her comments may come across to dc and let them feel undervalued or soemthing like that then tell her where to go

We had 2 boys and when i was PG with DC3, I got sick of the whole world having an opinion about me "wanting" a girl - I simply wanted 3 DC and considered myself lucky to be able to do so!
You just have to rise above it I'm afraid, once you're PG way more people than your MIL (I have 2 MILs so speak from experience!) will assume you're trying for "your girl", like there's a quota
Also my MIL had 4 grandsons and no grandaughters whereas StepMIL had 4 grandaughters, so there was some deeply unhealthy old lady competition going on FGS.
Good luck with DC3 and just focus on the fact that ti's your life, your decision.
(I wanted another boy just to spite her though )

I also have 2 boys and am TTC#3 but thankfully my family and ILs are not bothered about gender, however I know I will get comments from others which will annoy me.. in fact there were a few when DS2 was born from some miserable old ladies.

I'm thinking along of the lines of "we want another child regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl" and "well we don't get to choose so there's no point wondering" or "I think 3 boys would be great fun"

I was also quite open in my pregnancy with DS2 that we hoped he wouldn't be the last baby (and we didn't know he was a boy until he was born) so I hope that means those people who are actually bothered will not think we are 'trying for a girl' as though he wasn't good enough.

I know people with girls who have also had this about 'trying for a boy' too. I had one particularly obnoxious woman telling me, when I was heavily pregnant with DS2, that her son and daughter had both had their children 'in the right order'. By this she meant boy followed by girl. Well, how clever, as if that's what really matters! There are a lot of people out there though who believe that one of each is what everyone should want, but they don't seem to equate that with the fact that you don't really get to choose!

How do you try for a girl? Is it legs in air or with feather duster up arse? Ask MIL these questions next time she asks.

Some people are just making convo with their questions - be confident in your own choices and ignore, ignore, ignore - or tell her to Foff - my personal route every time

I agree Pinkie... sandyfeet - PLEASE ask your MIL how one goes about trying for a girl. I have one DD and am PG with #2 (sex unknown), but would just love any tips as we plan to have three.

My mother certainly didn't have any pointers and she managed to have six - three girls and three boys, perfectly spaced GirlBoyGirlBoyGirlBoy with two years in between each one. If someone that terribly organized didn't manage to do it on purpose I haven't a clue how I have a chance.

Say "How does one "try" for either sex? You get what you're given"

If she says anything else say "Yuk...feels a bit wrong talking about sex with you"

Which is kind of what she is doing! Rude woman!

Why not just say "it's up to your son's sperm" !!!

Having all one sex is great. You can pass the clothes down and bung them all in one bedroom. I have four DSs and yes, it would have been nice to have a girl as well, I suppose, but I wouldn't swap my chaps for anything. Well, maybe for a Ferrari

Actually it's probably just as well I didn't have any girls. It would be a shame if someone sent her pink gaudy clothes and books about princesses, because I would have to hurt them. Worse, if she actually liked pink fluffy stuff I would have to seriously question our future together.

I can understand the frustration even though I'm coming from the other side - we did try for a boy after dd1 & dd2! we knew we wanted more children so didn't see the harm trying to tip the odds in favour of a boy. Didn't do too well with dd3 (who is an absolute star and very much wanted!) but 'managed' it with ds.

I think the suggestion of asking her advice on how to 'achieve' a girl in graphic detail is excellent. Hopefully you'll embarrass her into silence

YADNBU. I have three boys, DH has a boy and a girl, all from previous marriages. We had twins together but sadly lost them bothas they were born very prematurely. When I was pregnant with the DT's, my waters went at 14 weeks, making the chances of either baby surviving very slim and I had to be on bed rest. DH's Mum, who is lovely, if a little misguided, emailed me saying 'she'd prefer if at least one of the twins was a girl' The urge to email her back saying we'd settle for alive whatever the gender was overwhelming.

I am pregnant again and the pregnancy is very high risk. I admit, I'd like a daughter, but I'd also like a son, and any baby at all would be an absolute blessing.

YANBU I had simelar. I had 2 DDs first and with the 2nd, MIL was always going on about having a boy, oh it would be so dissapointing if we had another DD yada-yada...We didn't care at all, secretly I kind of wanted another DD as I though 2 the same gender would be closer as me and my sister had been..but I really didn't care that much as long as all was OK.

With the 3rd baby we found out there were severe problems at 20 weeks and we also found out it was a DD3. MIL, despite knowing things were looking bleak for DD surviving, said 'oh poor daddy' and pulled a face (not joking) when we told her, never mind that gender was irrelevant to us when faced with possible loss of DD at such a late stage. Sadly we lost DD a few weeks after. Those comments still haunt me every now and again!!!

:( midori, Good luck to you!!!

OP ask your MIL if there is any particular method of ensuring a boy or a girl, tell her you've heard that a mans second ejaculate gives a higher chance of a girl and you've been giving her son a BJ every night before doing the business..... I think she may run away!

Either that or just casually ask if she will have any interest in the baby if they are the "wrong" sex???

But what would she want in a girl as opposed to a boy? Someone to dress in pink and fluffiness and anticipate boyfriends/ husbands with?

She could do all that with a boy!

Give her a face. And tell her to look up 'gender stereotypes' on wikipedia.

Tell her that actually this time (or 'if there's a next time' if you're trying to not out that you are ttc) you are/will be trying for a kitten/baby elephant/fire engine/cuddly toy/blankety blank cheque book and pen/etc and leave it at that

Ooh a cheque book and pen!

Now you're talking zipzap !

Say "So, you want to know what DH and I are doing in bed, and how we are doing it?" and give her a quizzical stare.

Oh no, don't, don't ask! She might TELL you! My MIL sat there by my hospital bed after I had ds4 telling me about timing sex at ovulation for a girl and I have to say, after having my fourth CS, I really, really didn't want to hear it!

I have no dc's and I'm the only grandchild living in this country.

My Gran (89) asked me a few years ago when she'd be getting great grandchildren. I replied "If you want GGC's of every colour of the rainbow without meeting their fathers', let me know. Otherwise you might want to wait a bit longer (I'm 28 nearly 29 now)

She laughed and shut up after that.

Now I'm hoping she hangs on a couple of years til DP and I get married and start trying lol

YANBU. This sort of thing really pisses me off.

I have a DS and I am pregnant. We do now know that it is a girl but before that MIL was saying about me wanting a girl, not another boy (after all our fertility problems I was just glad to be having children at all) and I said I genuinely didn't mind. She then said if it was a boy we would have to try after for a girl. Because that is obviously how it works and you can choose. I said I wouldn't do that if I had another boy, then she was going on about how I don't want 3 children etc etc. Actually, maybe I will one day!

lol at thinking about expression on MIL face from some of the comments!

Thank you everyone.

tacticalnamechange sorry to read about your daughter - welcome back to MN