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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

children home alone

27 replies

sueonline · 03/11/2010 20:33

My ex has our children every other weekend
and he likes to go to the pub at lunch time. He feels that it is ok to leave children at home for an hour or so while he is in pub they are only 10 and 12. I dont think that this is ok.

OP posts:
AnyFawker · 03/11/2010 20:33

it isn't ok

StealthPolarBear · 03/11/2010 20:34

well I don't think much will happen in the hour, but I think it's sad that on the 2 days out of 14 he has them he can't even spend all his time with them

shimmerysilversparkler · 03/11/2010 20:34

No, that is not ok. I would not allow this.

gerontius · 03/11/2010 20:35

Agree with Stealth.

StealthPolarBear · 03/11/2010 20:35

hang on...is this from a children hhome alone pov? Didn't we have this thread about an 11 yo a week or so ago where it was agreed they could be left at home for a few hours????

Ladyanonymous · 03/11/2010 20:36

I think its ok to leave a 10 and 12 yr old alone for 1 hour.

I don't think its okay for him to leave his kids when they are visiting him to spend time with him on an access weekend and put the pub above them on his list of priorities Hmm.

Shit parenting.

scottishmummy · 03/11/2010 20:37

no an access visit isnt a pub to pub for hour time.if he cant spend quality time with them whats the point

AnyFawker · 03/11/2010 20:37

spb...I don't think this is wrong purely from the home alone pov alone

I think it is wrong for several reasons, not least that he is prioritising the pub over spending time with his children

bobblemeat · 03/11/2010 20:37

I think its ok from the pov of they should be able to manage an hour in the house by themselves without incident. I think its sad though.

BlueFergie · 03/11/2010 20:38

Not sure about the ages, I do no some people who would leave a 12 year old alone for a bit while they popped to the shop. It si borderline though, suppose depends on mature the kids are and how nearby/easily contactable your ex is.
I would be more concerned about the fact that he can't give up going to the pub at lunch time when he has his kids around. WTF is so important down there that he can't miss it?

bigchris · 03/11/2010 20:38

Leaving them for an hour on their own is fine at that age
it's what people have to do when their kids come home from school and they have to go to work

but it's crap of him not to be do something with them when he doesnt see them much

BlueFergie · 03/11/2010 20:38

*know

gelflingirl · 03/11/2010 20:38

I think at that age its ok for them to be home alone for an hour or so, as long as they have a phone to hand and dont answer the door. YABU imo

pointydog · 03/11/2010 20:38

Leaving kids on their own for an hour at that age is fine.

Leaving them to go to the pub when he only sees them once a fortnight is Hmm

scottishmummy · 03/11/2010 20:39

jesus wept no wonder hes an ex id his kids are such an imposition

SparklePffftBANG · 03/11/2010 20:39

thanks AF, we are all in agreement then. What kind of message is he sending his children - certainly not "I'm desperate to spend time with you"

AnyFawker · 03/11/2010 20:40

I would bet my last penny it is more than "an hour"

SparklePffftBANG · 03/11/2010 20:41

yes I was thinking that - "an hour or so" is what he admits to

bearcrumble · 03/11/2010 20:42

It's 100% wrong. How much does he drink? Does he then drive the children back to you?

My dad used to do this when I was little. I'd only see him every other weekend too. He'd take me to wine bars (back then you couldn't take children into pubs really) and give me money to play the fruit machine to keep me quiet. He regrets it now he's older and has stopped drinking but, you know.

I think you ex has a drink problem. He needs to be able to show his children that they are important to him. I never felt like my dad actually wanted me there. It affected the way I saw myself as I grew up.

plainjanesuperbrain · 03/11/2010 20:47

What Pointydog said.

Original poster
sueonline · 03/11/2010 20:49

Thank you for the comments. At 10 and 12 I think that it is ok to leave them for a hour or so, but I thought going to the pub was a bit sad for the children, yes he does have a drink problem.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 03/11/2010 20:51

your poor weans.dad off to pub them stuck home alone

SparklePffftBANG · 03/11/2010 20:52

is it practical to tell them to ring you next time it happens and you will come and collect them? Weekend over> Or will that just cause probelms

monstermissy · 03/11/2010 20:54

As a child my dad spent most of our access times in the pub we would spend our time sitting in the beer garden or in the lobby etc he was meant to have us 2-6 on a sunday but often came about 3ish from the pub.

We have no relationship at all now, he is completly selfish. I fear your children may feel similar if this continues, which is really sad. Can you not try and make him see how the children would feel by being left?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2010 21:19

not sure i would leave a 10yr at home for an hour, but would 12 and not fair the 12yr is in charge of the 10yr

but

why they are alone is a different matter

as others have said, he has them 2/14days and still has to spend those 2 days in the pub Hmm

we ALL like to do things but they have to take 2nd place to the needs of children - if he MUST go to the pub, then why not take them with him and have a game of darts/pool there and an oj/coke

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