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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you should accept what you're given?

111 replies

sims2fan · 03/11/2010 20:09

I think I am pronbably being unreasonable actually, but need to vent!
First of all - I love knitting. I find it really soothing, and it also stops me from eating in the evenings if I keep my hands busy with knitting! Lol. I find the best things to knit are baby things, because they knit up quickly and you get a sense of achievement at having finished something, before then going onto something else.

My SIL is pregnant so I have enjoyed knitting her a few bits and pieces. Not loads, just a couple of cardigans, a couple of pairs of booties, and a hat. I've already given them to her as I have a very small flat, and don't really have anywhere to store them. I hoped she would like them, but to be honest, I just liked having someone to knit for, so didn't really care! That said, I tried to keep them all simple so they couldn't possibly 'offend' in any way, and they are all white as she has said she likes white newborn things. Anyway, I just picked up my current project, looking forward to a couple of hours of knitting in front of the TV and my husband has told me his sister has said to tell me not to knit her anything else as she has loads of things for the baby and doesn't want anymore. I think that could just be her way of saying she doesn't like my gifts though. Now, in my opinion, the thing to do is to accept everything gratefully, and quietly discard anything you don't want to keep. Because now I really don't feel like giving her anything else ever! Which I know is being petty, but she has been like this on another couple of occasions. Once she complained to my husband that the present we gave our nephew, then aged 1, wasn't good enough, or up to her standard of gift. It was a nice treasury of nursery rhymes book and we were very hard up.

So, I can understand her not liking things, but am I being unreasonable to think that she shouldn't say anything but should accept all gifts gratefully and then get rid of what she actually doesn't want?

OP posts:

pommedeterre · 04/11/2010 08:58

Let SIL find out the hard way that you can never have too much stuff for a newborn as they permanently need changing due to poo/wee/vomit/triple accidents.

hairytriangle · 04/11/2010 09:00

I'm sure there is a charity that knits for premature babies and babies living in the third world. Why not look them up?

Lurpak · 04/11/2010 09:05

pommedeterre - it's her second child, so I'm sure she's well aware of how much stuff she needs, and probably still has alot from DC1.

girlywhirly · 04/11/2010 09:32

The manners are to accept all gifts gratefully and thank the giver properly. It wouldn't have killed SIL to phone and actually speak to you. She could have said that she appreciated the clothes, but she had lots of tiny sizes already: could you wait until baby is born to find out sex/size in case she needed much bigger garments.

I would channel my energy into knitting for those who appreciate it.

Lurpak · 04/11/2010 09:34

Accept all gifts, really? Am I the only one that thinks it's polite of her to save you any more work knitting things that are unlikely to be worn?

TrillianAstra · 04/11/2010 09:42

Are you sure your knitted things are not shit?

Sure there was a thread about an otherwise lovely MIL who insisted in knitting baby things in 'nasty' artificial wool.

Knit a nice scarf for someone who is old enough and polite enough to say 'thank you, what a lovely scarf, you must have worked so hard'

girlywhirly · 04/11/2010 10:05

But Lurpak, I don't think the OP sees her knitting as work.

I do think that receiving a message that SIL had enough clothes for the baby and doesn't want anymore with no mention of thanks was rude and ungrateful. Assuming DH repeated exactly what his sister said, there was no politeness involved.

Lurpak · 04/11/2010 10:08

Her SIL might not know that though. I know I would say something if I knew it would go to waste.

You don't know that there were no thanks involved.... we're getting the story third hand.

ZacharyQuack · 04/11/2010 10:18

Lots of charities that accept knitting

A1980 · 04/11/2010 10:28

If she has too many first size things for the baby fair enough. If she doesn't like what you've made her, fair enough. It happens.

But her attitude is disgraceful. To tell her brother to tell you is so rude and cowardly. There are so many ways she could have dealt the blow softer than that. Such as saying, "thank you, we have so much stuff now, we won't need anything else for ages now". You probably would have taken theh hint.

I had similar with my SIL. DH was quite conservative with choices of present and wanted to go for white even though we knew it would be a girl. I wanted to go for pink dresses, etc. He said they were impractical for a new baby. So we agreed on the cutest white outfit with bows on the feet, loevely collar, etc. SIL says disdainfully, I suppose white's useful. I've never bought her anything again. DH can do it and ram it down her throat while he's at it.

girlywhirly · 04/11/2010 10:33

I doubt any thing would go to waste, it would be given to someone else to use. I think the SIL should have spoken directly to the OP if she didn't want her to give any more knitted items.

I don't think sims2fan is unreasonable. I think now though she could knit for those who appreciate her skill.

Original poster

sims2fan · 04/11/2010 10:47

Lurpak - I probably didn't make it clear, as I referenced my nephew. This is SIL's first child. The nephew I mentioned is her nephew too. She asked my husband who had bought him the gift and when he said I had, but that he liked it too, she said she didn't think it was very much to give for a 1st birthday, her present was much better, etc. I also had problems that Christmas, because though we said we were hard up and wouldn't be able to spend very much, we did get cheap (but nice!) presents for all my husband's family. We told MIL that, but she still insisted on buying other presents for us to give to everyone. It was kind of her, but I was a bit narked as I had got what I thought were perfectly reasonable gifts and again was being told that they weren't good enough!

To be fair to her, the first couple of knitted things I gave to her she did thank me for, but never mentioned to me not to give anymore. That was said to my husband. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if she had said she doesn't like the things, but he is too tactful to tell me! Lol.

OP posts:

Lizcat · 04/11/2010 10:56

I too knit for babies now - after resting my knitting needles for a few years. I restarted after the beautiful hand knitted things people gave me for DD ouched me so much.
I feel that every stitch is knitted with love and the gift of love as well as the practical item is a great start for a baby.

NordicPrincess · 04/11/2010 11:07

why dont you do some knitting for a charity where they send the items abroad to people who have very little? then you would know your knitting is going to someone whol appreciate it and you can knit as much as you like?

amumm · 04/11/2010 11:08

Am perpetually dogged by relatives on husband's side telling us that gifts we've given them are not good enough. Sometimes they even return them to us saying no thank you. We're talking some very expensive gifts that we put a lot of time and effort into choosing. Whatever we get is never right - it's quite extraordinary. So I COMPLETELY agree with you - she should just say thank you with good grace and enthusiasm, end of story. If you hadn't given the background about the nursery rhyme book then it might be different ....

TheEvilDead2 · 04/11/2010 11:09

What a cow, don't waste your time making lovely things for someone who doesn't appriciate them!

send them to me, who is due in 10 weeks and doesn't know anyone who can knit

TheEvilDead2 · 04/11/2010 11:10

also your local hospital probably accept baby hats for premies mine does.

Lurpak · 04/11/2010 11:16

Ah, I see.

I'd try not to take it to heart, she's thanked you for what you've done so far. TBH alot of people don't like knitted stuff, me included. I have a few bits given by well wishing relatives that have been worn as they are special, but had I been receiving alot from one person I would probably say the same. I wouldn't take it as a personal insult, she just may not want baby in head to toe knitted for 3 months!

I think suggestions of knitting for charity are good ones, that way, you can keep it up and know that they will be apprieciated and made use of.

ApocalypseCheese · 04/11/2010 11:16

FoundWanting · 04/11/2010 11:22

Do people still knit 'Socks for Soldiers'?

My nan used to knit hundreds, and mittens. I bet your local homeless shelter would take thick socks, hats and gloves.

Unrulysun · 04/11/2010 11:23

I didn't really like knitted stuff before dd was born but now I love it. For me dd in a knitted Cardigan says 'my granny cares enough to shop for the wool and the pattern and spend hours knitting and aren't I cosy with all the love and the pure wool?'

oranges · 04/11/2010 11:27

oh dear. when ds was born we got some hand knitted woollen cardis - from a friend of my mums and our in-laws neighbour. DH is allergic to wool and I was worried ds would be so I politely returned them as I knew I'd not put them on and I knew they had other babies they could give them too. Feel bad now I've offended them

TheEvilDead2 · 04/11/2010 11:28

I am not too keen on knitted for me.. but babies in hand knits.. Oh it makes your heart hurt with the cuteness.

thumbwheel · 04/11/2010 11:28

I was going to suggest knitting for your local SCBU as well - often they are in need of tiny bonnets, mitts and bootees.

And I'm sure others have already suggested that you could set up your own cottage industry and sell them, either at craft fairs or online.

Your SIL sounds ungrateful - but tbf to her, she might honestly just have too much stuff. My MIL and her sis knitted a fair few things for DS before he was born - and some of them were just inappropriate for him because they were too big, too yellow (in one case), and mostly too hot. Even though he was a December baby, he used to overheat at the drop of a hat and needed to be kept in the bare minimum of clothing most of the time! So cardigans etc. were a bit of a no-no, which was a shame.

SpookilyDoodleydoohoohoooooo · 04/11/2010 11:29

OP
I would say stuff it to your sil, and I would put what you have left on ebay. Then I would go and get some lovely quality wool and start knitting in pink,blue,white and perhaps a pale grey and put them all on ebay. You can make some extra cash and say stuff it the sil. It strikes me that if she hadn't had children before she is just a little untactful.

I agree with you btw, someone I worked with used to knit some beautiful cardigans but in really nasty materials (think polyester with sicky pink and silver threads through it, some people may love it I am not so keen......) or not very nice colours. However not once did I ever suggest she didn't knit for me, I haven't given these cardigans away as dd loves to put them on her dolls. She actually knitted an entire doll wardrobe for dd on the nastiest plastic doll you have ever seen. It is dd's favourite thing in the whole world (baby annabelle was given to her by her gp's, sits at the bottom of the toy box as it isn't the special baby!). Sadly some people aren't tactful with gifts.

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