AIBU or is DP?

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Mumsnet jury is needed here, our yearly 'discussion argument has raised its ugly little head again so i want to know which one of us is BU.

DP works about 15-20 minute bike ride away, he has a bike, he has a flourecent jacket, he has a huge backpack for a lunch box and a change of clothes and after today he will have bike lights as well.

The origional plan was for him to ride to and from work and in the SUmmer this isnt a problem.
However winter it is a nightmare, he wants me to drive him to and from work, i dont think its reasonable as it is the same time that i am getting the kids ready for school and doing all of DS1's physio and medication. In the evening its the same time as i am oing ds1's medication and physio and getting them ready for bed.

I know its not nice to ride in the rain but i have suggested dp wear his regular clothes to ride in and take a dry uniform in his backpack to change into.
I have offered to make him hot soup to take in flask to work to keep him warm, i have always dais i dont mind having a hot cup of coffee and dry warm clothes ready for when he gets in, but no DP feels it necissary to start making my life difficut and getting in a foul mood becuase i have said that i wont drive him.

He says he is annoyed hat he is riding in the wet and dark (in the evening) when we have a perfectly useable car.

We would get another car but we cant affored to insure antoher one so that is out the question.

I have said maybe he could walk with an umbrella but no he wont do that either.

He has got waterproofs but refusues to bring them home with him.

SO AIBU to think that thereis loads of ways he could get to work and remain dry and comfortable without me driving him and disruptinf the kids routine?

He is absolutely unreasonable. I cycled to work for a few years (about 15-20 min, but I cycle slowly). Even in Scotland I rarely needed waterproofs, you just don't get rained on that much. Wind and ice are worse, you can't do anything about them.

My present job is further so I drive, and for a good while I really missed the daily fresh air and exercise.

YANBU because your child's health will suffer if you take your H to work.

Before I could drive I had a scooter that I went everywhere on rain or shine.

Skeletonflowers is almost right - without 'old mans rights' you do need to take a CBT to ride, but that only takes a couple of hours and doesn't cost a lot. It only lasts 4 years however so if you're using the bike for longer than that without taking a full bike test, like I did, then you'll need to take another one. I did mine twice.

A CBT allows you to ride a bike up to 100cc and my old Speedfight would so about 50mph - plenty fast enough for most inner city roads.

He'd still need waterproofs and to suck it up when the weather turned but at least he'd get there and back a bit faster.

Insurance is really cheap on a bike and road tax was not a lot either.

My wife cycles to work and then has to work outdoors all day and then has to cycle home.

And now she wants a lift during the winter!

I've said I'll make her a hot flask of something and get her some decent outdoor clothes, but she's not happy!

I've even suggested an umbrella!

Would we still say, kick her up the bum, lazy arse,what a twat, suck it up?

Namechaned - They were my thoughts too.

I know she is doing the meds and stuff with the child but they need to work together, support and help each other.

Would you by any chance qualify for some help, direct payments? for your DS's care/physio etc in the morning. Freeing you up to get your DH to work?

Hmmm. I cycled to work for years in all weathers. I always had my gear handy. Later, when I was married, and we had one car, I still cycled to work every day in all weathers. That was before kids - but it never, ever ocurred to me to ask dh to give me a lift. It's really not an option that ever would have occured to me if I hadn't read this thread.

If you're a regular cycler - I don't see how this can be such a big deal. It's only 15-20 minutes - about as short as it gets. It just isn't that tough.

Namechange, it's not just a lift. It's something that has an impact on an ill child. The child, in this case, should come first, especially if the op giving her dh a lift has a detrimental effect on the child.

Name changed - did you miss the part where the OP said her partner works outside?

Yet won't cycle 20 mins in the rain and wants it to impact on the already hectic routine of the child?

I stick to my original post.

A scooter/moped is the answer. It's halfway between the two options.

I say Man up Mr Tits (for your son, not because you think Mrs Tits is selfish)

I cycled to work years round for several years (in London). It actually doesn't rain as much as you think & if you have good weatherproofs, lights, fluro jacket etc you are fine. Seriously I can count on fingers & toes the number of times I had to cycle in proper rain (over about four winters). Tell him to grow some & deal with it.

Oh & if you wrap up well and have good gloves you really don't get that cold on a bike (cold thighs for a month perhaps) - I'm certainly a lot warmer cycling that I am waiting at a bus stop or on an outside tube platform. I think he's milking the inconvenience bit to manipulate you. As long as he has the proper kit, he will be fine & will arrive nice and dry 99.5% of the time.

oh & I'm a lady namechange

Is it 2? I'm sure it was 4 when I did it

TBS - I can understand why he would want a lift - I would too

However, given all that you alredy fit into a day and how much of an impact it would have on your and DS's morning routine, I wouldn't dream of asking for one!

Can you stretch to a little old run around with 3rd party insurance (just in his name)?

It is a few years since I did it. You just can't get 2 car seats on a scooter

He's being ridiculous.

Dh cycles to work and back, similar length journey, 4 days a week. He drives one day so he can take 4 suits/shirts to change into for the rest of the week.

He rarely gets soaked and if he does, well he's got a towel at work so gets dry and changed.

The need for you to get meeds/physio sorted supersedes his desire for you to make a long and busy round trip to drop off/collect.

I think he is being ridiculous. We have one car (and the au pair uses it!) DH cycles 30 mins to work (up and down hills in north london), I walk (15 mins) and get the tube to work. Foul weather doesn't change anything. DH showers at work.

Years ago when I was at college as mature student, I sold car and only had bike. I cylced from Portsmouth to Guildford (ok I did go on the train for most of journey) which was in total about an hour of bike a day. It was the wettest October on record...I got a sort of perverse pleasure taking off waterproofs and dripping all over class room!

I wasn't aware that it rained constantly once winter started.

YANBU..

Wow so many replies, thanks for all the suggestions and opinions it does help to see other peoples thoughts on it.

I think we have decided that he can have the car on tues/wed as i never use it as im at collage and then on a mon,thu,fri and weekends i will have it as i do use it to travel alot further than he needs to rain or shine, also if its a weekend and its hammering it down we wont be going out anyway so he can use it then.

WashingBasketMonster - yes DS does have the I Neb but it is still very new to him so the Promixin is still taking a while to go through becuase he doesn't breath properly through it!
Its mainly the orals where they have to be taken at certain times and certain ones cant be taken together or with food or liquid ect.. and the physio takes a while.

DP does help out with the morning routine he does breakfast!
I think it is sorted now! Thanks again everyone.

I'm glad it is sorted for you. Compromise is often the best solution for everyone.