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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP?

73 replies

TitsalinaBumSquash · 03/11/2010 08:13

Mumsnet jury is needed here, our yearly 'discussion argument has raised its ugly little head again so i want to know which one of us is BU.

DP works about 15-20 minute bike ride away, he has a bike, he has a flourecent jacket, he has a huge backpack for a lunch box and a change of clothes and after today he will have bike lights as well.

The origional plan was for him to ride to and from work and in the SUmmer this isnt a problem.
However winter it is a nightmare, he wants me to drive him to and from work, i dont think its reasonable as it is the same time that i am getting the kids ready for school and doing all of DS1's physio and medication. In the evening its the same time as i am oing ds1's medication and physio and getting them ready for bed.

I know its not nice to ride in the rain but i have suggested dp wear his regular clothes to ride in and take a dry uniform in his backpack to change into.
I have offered to make him hot soup to take in flask to work to keep him warm, i have always dais i dont mind having a hot cup of coffee and dry warm clothes ready for when he gets in, but no DP feels it necissary to start making my life difficut and getting in a foul mood becuase i have said that i wont drive him.

He says he is annoyed hat he is riding in the wet and dark (in the evening) when we have a perfectly useable car.

We would get another car but we cant affored to insure antoher one so that is out the question.

I have said maybe he could walk with an umbrella but no he wont do that either.

He has got waterproofs but refusues to bring them home with him.

SO AIBU to think that thereis loads of ways he could get to work and remain dry and comfortable without me driving him and disruptinf the kids routine?

OP posts:
localmum · 03/11/2010 09:11

I don't think a child with CF could bike to school in winter Hmm, but of course I could be wrong, I don't know very much about CF. If he needs twice daily physio and nebuliser, I am guessing it might be a bit tricky.

localmum · 03/11/2010 09:13

Or did I misunderstand and and you meant that her DH could bike easily if your dc's could? Sorry - just realised I may have misunderstood your post, diddl.

Hassled · 03/11/2010 09:14

Yup, your DP is being a twat. Those Tour de France guys wouldn't stop training because it was a bit wet - he needs to suck it up and keep pedalling.

diddl · 03/11/2010 09:26

Yes, localmum.

We three have no option but to bike, whatever the weather!

fel1x · 03/11/2010 09:33

He should definitely get there himself, lazy arse!!

How about a compromise where he walks to work to avoid you having to get DS up earlier or upset his medication routine and then you pick him up from work in the evenings when its darker and more miserable to walk?

Obviously you'd pick him up once you'd finished doing DS's physio and meds so DH would have to wait aa bit after work for you if he prefers that to walking

upahill · 03/11/2010 09:36

How about a compromise.

I cycle on the days when the weather is ok. Just because it is winter doesn't mean that it is going to be extreme weather from now until May.

How about taking him on bad weather days? ( severe rain, gales, snow and so on) After all if he has been in the outdoors all day it really is horrible finishing the day cycling home in the pissing rain when you are being blown all over the road on your bike.

Have you tried cyling when you can hardly keen the bike upright? It can be scary especially when you feel like you are being blown into the traffic.

dexter73 · 03/11/2010 09:43

My dh cycles to work every day It is about 30 mins. He wears a waterproof jacket and running leggings. The leggings are made from some quick drying material so they are dry again in the evening when he changes to come home. He leaves his suit at work and takes a rucksack with shirt and socks in with him. Also has lunch box and laptop in his rucksack.
Make sure he has decent lights and carries spare batteries with him.

FunkyCherry · 03/11/2010 09:49

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, but then I'm lazy and use my car way too much so can sympathise with him!

Does he know he'll have to help you get DCs ready for school to give you enough time to take him?
Would he mind being taken in earlier / picked up later so as not to upset DS1's routine?
15-20 bike ride? How long does it take by car?

redskyatnight · 03/11/2010 10:02

DH walks 30 minutes to work everyday. In all weathers (as do I, and the DC also walk the 10 minutes to school in all weathers).

Plenty of people do not have the luxury of a car.

It sounds like a reasonable compromise might be that he takes the car on the days you don't need it, and you offer to take/pick him up from work if it is REALLY hacking it down - the rest of the time he makes his own way?

Plumm · 03/11/2010 10:10

Does he help with the morning routine? If he does would that leave some free time to take him to work?

Or could he go to work later and come home later so that you can fit him into your routine?

Though i have to say that if he can work outside all day I don't see why he can't cycle.

Plumm · 03/11/2010 10:12

If you did get a second car you wouldn't have to be insured on it - just make it his car.

upahill · 03/11/2010 10:14

Plumm,
It is one thing working outdoors all day.
( As a large part of my job I have to do this) but to cycle home on main roads when the wind is pushing you sideways is completly different. It is so scary and a lot of motorist don't give a shit about cyclist.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/11/2010 10:33

Just a thought - if you can't afford a car, what about a scooter (the motorised sort, not the ones that children ride). They do something ridiculous like 70mpg, and because they aren't very powerful, they are easier and cheaper to insure, I think.

Plus you don't need a motorbike licence to ride one. Your dh would still need to use waterproofs, but the journey time would be much shorter for him.

That said, he is being very unreasonable - he could wear waterproofs and cycle or walk, and your ds' health has to come first.

Cyclebump · 03/11/2010 10:37

Hmmm, as a cyclist, I'd say he's being unreasonable. If you have the gear cycling in rain (even in very cold winters) really aint that bad.

I used to do 100 miles a week, crappy round ligament pain put paid to that, and I didn't expect to be picked up if it was cold and/or wet. Fair enough if it's dangerous (DP put his foot down during the snow in Feb) but it's 20mins for crying out loud.

ChaoticAngel · 03/11/2010 10:40

YANBU

Your 'd'h is being a selfish twat. Your son's meds and physio come first.

SkeletonFlowers · 03/11/2010 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosedee · 03/11/2010 11:05

I think your dh needs to rethink his priorities. They should be your dc at the top of the list whilst his poor ass getting wet sometimes (I know the weathers crap but it doesn't rain everyday and if he can have the car 2 days a week) at the bottom. Bloody selfish. Tell him to grow a pair.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/11/2010 11:06

Ahh - sorry SkeletonFlowers - I was basing my post on a friend's experience, but that is a number of years ago.

Does this mean that I am getting old - please say it ain't so!

ChaoticAngel · 03/11/2010 11:09

It ain't so Grin

It can't be, otherwise I'd be getting old too WinkGrin

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/11/2010 11:10

Whew! [hsmile]

paddypants · 03/11/2010 11:18

A twenty minute cycle? He should be delighted that his commute is so short and that he is getting daily exercise. I am appalled that he would ask you to drive him in. Height of laziness not to mention selfishness.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 03/11/2010 12:29

You have a sick child to look after and take to school, you are studying two days and working 3 with an hour's commute and your OH thinks you should also be driving him to work? No way - he should put his waterproofs on and cycle. You have enough to be dealing with.

diddl · 03/11/2010 12:32

Well, if he does want driving to work then he surely has to help in the morning to make it (as easy as) possible?

WashingBasketMonster · 03/11/2010 12:42

YANBU - give your DH a swift kick up the bum.

But on a side note - do you have an ineb for your DS? We have one and it makes things much easier as our DS does his nebs in the car and it saves me an extra 15 mins in the morning (actually he has his morning neb in the car and then his afternoon neb on the drive home - leaving us with only one neb in the evening). So actually nebs in the car isn't unreasonable - it saves time.

But your DH is still unrealistic in terms of everything else.

upahill · 03/11/2010 12:44

Crikey I think a lot of you are being harsh on OP's DH.
Sure OP has a lot on her plate but isn't the whole partnership thing about working about doing things that we are both happy about.

I wouldn't be happy about cycling every day during winter and I'm sure most of MN's wouldn't either. I'm saying that as someone who loves their bike and uses it nearly every day. That is why a compromise is needed by both sides.
Compromise could be things like on really shit weather days where you know you are not going through the front door let him have the car.