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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect step SIL to buy DD a decent present?

80 replies

ladyandthechocolate · 01/11/2010 14:39

She is obsessed with buying everything in the sales to the point when she will buy things just because they're going cheap.
DD (2.2) was given a very smart wool monsoon coat for her birthday that's dry clean only. She will NEVER wear it and of course I can't return it.
I just think she's wasting her money, i'd rather she asked me or bought her some books which DD always appreciates.
I always try to buy carefully for her DD who is 7 and give gift receipts.
It's not about how much she spends, I don't really care.

DD ends up with a load of stuff she has no use for.

Should I say something? Am I an ungrateful cow? Grin

OP posts:
Serendippy · 01/11/2010 15:34

My next AIBU:

I saw a little girl in the park wearing a beautiful wool coat, probably dry clean only, and the mum was letting her swing from the monkey bars in it! She was only 2, FFS, what does she need a posh coat like that for. AIBU for thinking the mum must be a silly posh tart who has more money than sense?

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/11/2010 15:34

This is a strange mnumsnet thread - 'AIBU to be pissed off with a lovely present from a nice shop'

So what if it is dry clean only. It is a coat. It is not dry clean knickers.

Booboodebat · 01/11/2010 15:36

For those of you who don't want to give present suggestions:

When I'm asked what DS would like, I give them a list of his current interests. So at the moment, these are:

Space
Transport
Drumming
Dogs

That way I don't have to come up with specific toys: they do. Much less work.

SylvanianFamily · 01/11/2010 15:37
Hmm

My monkeys wore wool coats at two.

I find it always gives them a 'well dressed' look when out and about, even if they're wearing spiderman pyjamas underneath. Wool is a very healthy natural fabric too. I washed mine on wool cycle, and then laid flat on a towel to dry. small marks could be removed with a damp cloth though, so I only needed to properly wash once or twice a season.

SixtyFootDoll · 01/11/2010 15:40

YABU
She doesnt have to buy your DD anything at all.

manchestermummy · 01/11/2010 15:41

Hmmm, tricky. She sounds like my MIL, who buys what she would like to see DD (3.1) wearing but gives no thought as to its suitability. And before anyone pounces on me, I'm taking about (in the past), slipper socks in 6-12 mo size last Christmas, a 9-12 mo sundress in the middle of winter when DD was 15 mo, and a truly hideous coat that DD refused to wear, even at 2!

Currently, DD will not wear dresses or tights. Fine. Leggings and tops it is then. MIL knows this but still buys piles and piles of dresses. By the times she gets out of this phase, the stuff will be too small. The other thing she does is but stuff that is far, far too big. DD is v tall for 3.1 but is lean. Nevertheless, DD is getting a coat for Christmas that is a large age 4-5. There is nothing wrong with her current winter coat. It's an 'outdoorsy' one, should have been expensive but a TK Maxx bargain: it's not the frilly, fluffy pastel pink number preferred by MIL so therefore isn't good enough. She bought a top last year that is age 5-6.

These days, we just say thanks and put them away or send them straight to a charity shop. Having said that, DH has told her to stop buying clothes as DD a) won't wear the stuff and b)we physically cannot get anymore stuff in her room.

Squitten · 01/11/2010 15:42

Well, DH's only brother and SIL have yet to even acknowledge DS's 2nd birthday (a month and a half ago) despite having been sent an invitation to his little party at the time.

Be grateful for what you get

manchestermummy · 01/11/2010 15:47

From experience, however, it's hard to be grateful when you have the following conversation:

MIL: I've seem a really cute little basket with flowers on it. I'm going to buy it for DD. What do you think?
DH: That sounds nice, but she has a little basket already; we don't need two at home. Can we keep it at yours?
MIL: Oh, but she'll want to play with it it!
DH: Yes. but she already has one. If we keep it at yours she can use it there.
MIL: But she'll get upset! This is a nicer one than the one she already has [and that MIL has never seen]
DH: Whatever...

So now we have two near-identical baskets. And three near-identical baby dolls bought last Christmas as MIL kept on seeing ones she likes!

MummyTo2MonkeysAnd1Bug · 01/11/2010 15:55

YABU

I would be touched and thrilled if someone bought my 2yr old DD a monsoon coat!!!!

A lot of thought went into buying your daughter something nice!!

And aren't gifts better if they are a non essential!??

Let her wear it - and put it on a wool cycle!! Will wash fine that way!! Iv got a vintage wool coat that was my nanas and i machine wash that all the time!!!

Original poster
ladyandthechocolate · 01/11/2010 15:59

Yes but surely everyones's different? We have 4 kids, not much spare cash and there are things that DD would love that they could buy. Anything to do with horses and silly hats for instance? If you truly aren't bothered what your DC receive then maybe they've got everything already? Wink
I would never dream of seeming ungrateful, I always thank profusely and think of an instance where DD will be able to use said item "look, you'll be able to wear it to grandma's birthday party" etc.

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 01/11/2010 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PuppyMonkey · 01/11/2010 16:07

I think you should shoot her.

melikalikimaka · 01/11/2010 16:21

I can better that, my SIL bought my DS two items from the pound shop. I always bought her DD very desirable presents up until that point. I think she got the message when she got nothing the next time. But saying that I would be delighted for my DC to receive an item of such quality whether it's dry clean or not. Soooo, YABU!

baildonwen · 01/11/2010 16:50

YABU your Sil probably saw it and thought that it would look good on your dd (which it might). Don't be ungrateful, presumably you'd be complaining if she hadn't bought her anything.

Horton · 01/11/2010 20:30

A Monsoon coat is a pretty nice present, sale or not, provided it fits of course. And my DD would have loved feeling grown up in a beautiful embroidered wool coat at that age (she didn't have one and had to wear her £8 Asda special to a wedding, in fact). I agree. Just chuck it in the wash if it gets dirty and let your DD play dressing up with it if it does get ruined.

TBH, if you have six month old triplets, I imagine you're feeling pretty frazzled all round so maybe take a step back and think about how you would have felt if someone had bought you something beautiful and impractical when you were a little girl.

wodalingpengwin · 01/11/2010 22:40

YABU! Your daughter has been given a gorgeous coat for free! Warm wool and doubtless stylish. Why can't she wear it? If it gets dirty, you're no worse off and there's nothing a babywipe can't handle anyway. Your SIL is only wasting her money if you won't let your daughter wear the present.

taintedpaint · 01/11/2010 22:49

You don't sound like a very nice person tbh. I can't believe anyone would think a lovely coat like that would be a bad present. And you are very ungrateful, whether you intend to sound like it or not.

mollymawk · 01/11/2010 22:50

YABU, for all the reasons everyone else has given. However, as you have 6 month old triplets I will let you off.

MumInBeds · 01/11/2010 22:54

My youngest is now 7 and I do find myself looking at toddler clothes and thinking they are lovely I wish I could buy them for someone. Maybe your SIL thinks the same.

onceamai · 01/11/2010 22:54

YABU and very rude too. For the record all my SIL1 ever bought my dc (now 11 and 15) was a cheap pair of Thos the Tank Engine Shorts which by the time she got round to posting them were too small. Her DC were bought some lovely things that I would have bought for my own dc. It stopped 8 years ago when she sent a message home via MIL saying "if I sent anything else could I please make sure it was pure cotton because of the heat in Australia". Her DC have received nothing more from me since and that was 8 years ago. In all their pics though they seem to wear nylon football shirtsHmm

emptyshell · 02/11/2010 09:34

God you'd hate my mother - she's always bought people things in the next season along/size up when buying clothes for kids. Her logic being that they've probably got enough of what they're wearing at the moment so she'll help out with something that will need to be bought in the near future. She's also the evil evil impractical cow who doesn't buy newborn stuff for people but buys the next size along - because everyone will be buying newborn stuff.

Bet you'd think she's impractical too (she also likes sales). I'm not going to knock a set of egyptian cotton bedding she bought for like £3 in a factory shop as me as a crap present because it was reduced - it's a lovely gift, she's watching the pennies and if she buys stuff in the sale - she gets a higher level of gift than if she'd bought full-price really.

FFS it's a coat (and it sounds adorable tbh), people have given you washing suggestions - and by the time it needs dry cleaning it'll probably be outgrown anyway.

Very very ungrateful. I'd be gutted if someone reacted like that to a gift I bought them.

Chandon · 02/11/2010 09:38

just let her wear the blimmin coat.

then deal with the dirt if and when.

FFS

Glad you are not my SIL!!!

Chandon · 02/11/2010 09:41

manchester mummy, girls look cute in dress and leggings.

SkippyjonJones · 02/11/2010 09:45

Wow I think a Monsoon Coat is an amazing gift. YABU

CornflowerB · 02/11/2010 09:47

manchestermummy, I think your MIL is my mum Smile Not really, but I do get a lot of relatives on both sides projecting their fantasies onto my children, so I know where you are coming from