to think friend's dc should have been in bed?

[chillipickle]

Just done an overnight visit to friends, where the guests were OH/me/our two DCs (aged 6 months and 3 years), plus another friend and her two DCs (2 and 5 yo).

After a day entertaining the DCs, I was looking forward to packing them off to bed and having a nice meal, bottle or five of wine, and proper conversation with the adults, who we don't see that often.

Except my friend did not put her older DC to sleep. All evening. Until the adults started going to bed at 11pm. So all conversation had to be suitable for the ears of the 5 yo who was listening in, and occasionally returning to the table to chat to us.

I dunno, I wasn't expecting a wild party, but our social opportunities are so limited these days that a bit of alcohol-fuelled ribaldry would have made a nice change.

I do understand (from experience) the trials of trying to settle unwilling DCs in a strange house while the host patiently keeps dinner warm and guests gently fade from starvation. And I do realise it's much easier when both parents are there, as you can take it in turns to settle the kids and not miss the whole party.

So I can see why my friend preferred not to go there, but still, I found myself wishing she would just send the DC to bed so that we could have an hour or two of adult company.

AIBU?

I also think it depends on your expectaion - so if you think/led to believe its going to be some child-free time - well then I'd be really annoyed if there were children there.

Equally if I knew it was a child-friendly occasion - then fine

Its less about making events child friendly and more about making your children adult friendly

Well I don't want my children hearing swearing particularly or adult conversations and sometimes I do want to have those.

Different strokes etc.

YANBU pack the little buggers off to bed!

My DS (aged 8) is in bed by 7.40 on school nights. If I have friends over then he is allowed to stay up to say hello, but not for long. I have now started to have early suppers with a few friends with all our children (usually ends up being about 15 of us with children ranging from 7 - 14 in age) - we will eat at 7ish and it's lots of fun for them to feel grown-up (and us to get together without forking out for a babysitter!), but that is a real treat. DS and I also have "date night" where we get a DVD and a takeaway and huddle up together till about 10pm - but that was constructed as our special time when I was last dating (am a single parent).

I would go insane if DS was up all night - I love him but do need time out - don't we all!

Very much an english thing, I think (and I def think english as opposed to british).

We have much more fun with the spanish side of the family, and probably our best times with pals have been with the dutch and spanish friends. It's a much more positive, happy, open way of socialising.

Which is not to say we dont enjoy dinners and parties with our english family and friends but that relaxed vibe is just not the same. There's almost always some kind of anxious edge whether it be over snippiness or fussing over the food or the kids getting in the way.

I'm with those who want child free time. I want to be able to talk about sex/bum sex/porn/other adult subjects if I so wish

YANBU.

Last christmas my DB, SIL and two children (13 & 8 stayed overnight (also had my parents stay too).

I had worked solidly for 2 days and tbh on christmas night, I wanted to put my feet up and relax. My two (then 12 & 10) went to bed around 9.30ish as they were tired from being up early and all the excitement. My DB's two (they are not SIL's children) went to bed after midnight . I felt that he should have asked them to go up at a decentish hour. In fact, they went after me! My parents felt he should have said something too them....

Children are alright, but there's a time and a place...YANBU.

God Bella - hope they're not coming for christmas this year.

yanbu
how irritating

As much as I love my niece and nephew, they are at their mums for christmas Tracey. Have my DB and SIL but they are going home on christmas night.

I think what it is, he tries to make up for not having them full time and just lets them rule the roost (even in my house!!).

Interesting replies, thanks all. Glad to hear that I am only BU in as much as English culture is U in its view of children.

There is probably a whole other debate to be had there.

YANBU at all.

Much as I love my children and think they are cute, funny, well behaved and sociable little things I don't want to devote my entire waking hours to them.

They are my priority between 0630 and about 1930/2000, but evenings are for me and DH, and for socialising with our friends if they come round. I don't believe children need to be the centre of attention 24 hours a day.

YANBU. I was allowed by my parents to stay up all hours as a child as I was the youngest by 10 years and indulged.

I have horrendous sleep issues still as an adult and I think it all stems from never having a bedtime routine as a child. I also heard and saw some very inappropriate things as I had teen sisters who had friends over every weekend (Rocky Horror Show when I was 7 if I remember!)

Both my kids are in bed between 7 and 8, and I'm glad, DH and I get time alone and the kids get a decent nights sleep. They do get to stay up late sometimes and I have promised DS he can stay up for a while at New Year.

Well, in Spain, I would be considered unreasonable to want children to go to bed at 8pm, but I'm not in bloody Spain. I'm in England, and in England it is culturally normal for children to go to bed between 7 and 9 pm! Why does every single other culture have to be considered better than English culture?