to think friend's dc should have been in bed?

[chillipickle]

Just done an overnight visit to friends, where the guests were OH/me/our two DCs (aged 6 months and 3 years), plus another friend and her two DCs (2 and 5 yo).

After a day entertaining the DCs, I was looking forward to packing them off to bed and having a nice meal, bottle or five of wine, and proper conversation with the adults, who we don't see that often.

Except my friend did not put her older DC to sleep. All evening. Until the adults started going to bed at 11pm. So all conversation had to be suitable for the ears of the 5 yo who was listening in, and occasionally returning to the table to chat to us.

I dunno, I wasn't expecting a wild party, but our social opportunities are so limited these days that a bit of alcohol-fuelled ribaldry would have made a nice change.

I do understand (from experience) the trials of trying to settle unwilling DCs in a strange house while the host patiently keeps dinner warm and guests gently fade from starvation. And I do realise it's much easier when both parents are there, as you can take it in turns to settle the kids and not miss the whole party.

So I can see why my friend preferred not to go there, but still, I found myself wishing she would just send the DC to bed so that we could have an hour or two of adult company.

AIBU?

PMSL at 'he just gets livelier and livelier!' erm, in our house that's called being OVER-TIRED and means he should have been in bed looooong ago

Agree with cory.

In our family getting the children to bed and to sleep was such a nightmare that if we did this with visitors I'd never have seen them.

I agree with Cory and this is generally how we treat our 6yo DD - but then again we only have the one!

My sister does this, it drives all my other (childless) siblings mad.

YANBU. It's a bore.

Yanbu.

I would go so far as to say if I was invited to an evening dinner thing and I knew children were going to be still up and mingling with the adults, then I would probably decline the invitation.

I spend enough time with children as it is!

I remember driving to Wales to visit a friend, picking up her daughter on the way from her father's and arriving looking forward to a nice dinner, some wine and a quiet gossipy evening.

When I got there my friend dragged me out to the supermarket as she 'hadn't been able' to get there before, then I had to bath the daughte while my friend faffed around in the kitchen cooking dinner. Halfway through the meal her young son decided he wanted to come downstairs and join in (I think he was 3 or so), so his indulgent parents let him. He then proceeded to run manically around the table, kicking my shins and shouting loudly, while his parents looked on fondly.

As if that wasn't enough, in the morning they let him bang a toy drum outside the bedroom door while they lay in bed with the door open, laughing at how cute he was. When I got up they told me to help myself to a cup of tea while they stayed in bed. No breakfast was offered. When I asked if I could shower they said yes but only after everyone else had as they didn't want to disrupt the children's routine.

I left by midday citing an (imaginary) emergency.

Anyhoo. Excuse the rant, but YANBU. Children in bed after 8 ish, particularly when the adults have friends over, imo.

The trouble is with children around you have to reallyw atch what you say. Some topics of discussion are really not appropriate for kids.

YANBU. They need to just go away to bed! unless there are loads of children and they are off in another room having their own little party and therefore as little bother to the adults as if they were in bed.

I am sure DS wouldn't like me hanging around the whole time when he has friends round to play, I would just get in the way of the little boy fun. The same rules apply!

evil SIL came over from the US to meet BILs family (us and FIL etc)She let her spoilt and incredibly precocious child stay up until around midnight every night for 3 weeks and complained bitterly whenever she felt anything was too adult.She also thought DS was uncontrollable and had behaviour issues when he was slighty less eager than usual to go to bed at 7pm (he had school).

I have never had a problem settling my kids, once the first few baby weeks were sorted. I genuinely can't understand why someone wouldn't do this - but that's because I've never had this problem.

However, I always make it clear when I invite friends round whether children are invited to the dinner table or whether I expect them to be in bed.

YANBU.

Had a rotten NYE once. Friends kids stayed up until 11pm, screaming and fighting, and we weren't allowed to eat until they'd gone to bed.

By the time they had we were too bloody exhausted to have a nice time.

My DS doesn't sleep well in unfamiliar environments either, so DH and I took turns soothing him until he went to sleep. Took over a hour, but he was asleep by 8:30pm then the evening was ours.

Stayed at home the following year. DS asleep by 7pm, we were on the second bottle of champagne by 9pm.

Hoorah.

YABU

Very English obsession this getting the kids to bed at 730pm thing.

Then you go on holiday to Spain and Italy and think oh how nice the kids are up, eating nicely at the table, not whinging because they are tired. Well, it's because they are used to it and not seen as some inconvenience to be got rid of before the real fun begins.

It's great for children to see adults other than their families and observe social interaction, yes, even a bit of swearing, flirting, getting drunk.

BUT as Cory says, its adult time and they are not to be pests. Tis a viscious circle, if you don't let them stay up, they don't know how to behave in company etc

My dd happily passes nibbles around at dinner parties, has conversations with people etc
She is 3.
Then she takes herself to bed when she is bored of us

"Then you go on holiday to Spain and Italy and think oh how nice the kids are up, eating nicely at the table"

you might Susie but not everyone does, including the op and several others on this thread!

We always have our kids with us when we have a party - and our friends' kids too. They have their own parallel party and they come and say hello or to ask for more food from time to time. Assuming they are well-behaved children I prefer it TBH.

YABU (or perhaps you've not got experience of the kind of kids who don't need much sleep).

Neither of mine have ever seemed to need as much sleep as average so they don't go to bed very early. Yes I could send them up at 7 but I'd then spend the next 2 and a half hours trying to get them to actually sleep (so no relaxing evening anyway). If by some miracle they did go to sleep then they'd be up again at 4.30 am. It's less aggravation all round to fit i with their natural sleep patterns.

But if we had company I'd get them to settle down with a DVD and not interrupt the meal.

It depends. It is much nicer if children are in bed and the adults can all have some grown up time, but personally, I'd rather let DD (3) draw quietly downstairs while adults chat than spend the entire evening holding her down in bed while she wants more and more stories/ drinks/ trips to the loo.

And no, its not ignoring the over-tired child. DD can't always get through the day without a nap and even 20 minutes nap sets her up for a looong evening. The only way of avoiding the nap is to not go out in the car or stay at home.

I wish I could put her to bed at 7.30.

YANBU

Yanbu - that would really annoy me too. And in fact, the main reason that the children in Southern European countries are dining with the adults and not whingeing is because they've had a siesta.

But, like susie's dd, I remember really enjoying passing round the nibbles and having a chat with the adults before going to bed (and said adults are now friends of mine too). Would never have been allowed to encroach on the adult bit of the evening, though.

YANBU if you were led to believe all dc's would be going to bed.

I have been to a late meal/ drinks at a friends we both have dc's. She told she would be putting hers down and so I put ds down and then took him out when asleep. Got there and oldest dc still up (5months older than ds). Didn't want to go to bed to out in front of TV. Spent the entire meal turning up Tv despite protest from firend, coming to the table and asking for food, even helped herself to food of my plate . And then boatsed about being allowed to the party to her sibling and my ds the next day . Her oldest was 6 at the time btw.

Having said that I do go to adult evenings at Mum and Dads with siblings and their partners (they don't have dc's). In that case DS wil come along and stay up - Nanny drunk is very funny apparently

YABU
Totally agree with Susie. I live in Spain and children are treated as part of the FAMILY and not seen as some kind of hidieous inconvenience which needs to be hidden away.

Oh don't be so silly!

Oh I don't just hide them away.

I lock them into a dark, dank cellar which is full of rats and sewage.

That's how much of an inconvenience my children are.

.

Lets face it, some children are a hideous inconvenience.

LOL at Shodan.

YANBU - agree there are certain subjects you just don't want to discuss around children.

And sorry but I don't find other people's children all that interesting really.