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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to distribute my wedding pics to family members?

35 replies

Broomsweeptheroom · 31/10/2010 21:22

Dp and I got married when I was 38 weeks pregnant. We are both in our mid thirties. We have been together for 14 years and neither of us had given any thought to marriage, we were happy as we were.

Whne we found out I was pg, we decided to get married really for the formality of it rather than love iyswim. We decided to have a registry office ceremony with 2 witnesses, a couple whom we have been friends with for many years.

We told our parents, mine were cool about it but dp's were not happy and we ended up inviting immediate family only on both sides so as not to upset dp's mum.

Fast forward 6 months and mil keeps badgering me to email pics of the day to her family who live up north and overseas.

On the day, I requested no filming but fil went ahead and filmed the entire thing. I looked hideous. I was unable to wear any make up in the last trimester as I was sensitive to anything synthetic and came out in a rash. I was fat as hell and I blubbed throughout the entire ceremony because I felt so shit. I was wearing a £39 tent from mothercare ffs.

I want no one to see these pictures. Aibu? I told mil that we would have another celebration next year which they can film to their hearts content but I have insisted that these pics dont get distributed. She has got the hump now and says I am being rude and selfish.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 31/10/2010 21:24

Is there one photo you would be prepared to give?
Maybe get it printed out so that it makes it harder for them to distribute - unless they have a scanner.

lola0109 · 31/10/2010 21:26

I don't think YABU at all, especially if you have offered another celebration.

Just say "oh surely they would prefer pics of new DC, we'll get some lovely family ones that we can send".

However, if people gave gifts for your wedding when they heard you got married then maybe just try and find the one you hate least and send that?

Original poster
Broomsweeptheroom · 31/10/2010 21:27

No fanjo, I look fucking hideous in all of them. I was so swollen as well that my eyes were slitty.

What pisses me off is that we wanted It low key and had to invite them so as not to upset them so I think they have no right to ask for photos.

OP posts:
Meow75 · 31/10/2010 21:27

No, YANBU. You've given your MIL a resolution that she should be satisfied with.

I would think it's now time for your DH to step in and really INSIST that his mum has overstepped the mark, and enough is enough.

Original poster
Broomsweeptheroom · 31/10/2010 21:28

We didn't get any gifts either [hsad]

OP posts:
pozzled · 31/10/2010 21:29

Agree with lola, don't give in to MIL if you are really not happy about the wedding photos, but offer a lovely family shot instead.

MarianneM · 31/10/2010 21:31

YADNBU at all, I hate it when other people take ownership of your wedding pictures. It was YOUR wedding, so it really should be up to you whether to give people any pictures or not.
And I can't believe your FIL filmed it when you had asked him not to, people are so insensitive!
My father took pictures at our wedding and although we sent the official wedding photo round and made it clear that was the one we liked he has put up one of his instead in which both me and my husband look hideous. Why do parents or PILS do this?

grannieonabike · 31/10/2010 21:32

You poor thing. It'll blow over - except that you'll just have to grit your teeth when she raises it from time to time.

What does your husband think?

Have you explained why you don't want the photos distributed? Your mother in law seems rather insensitive. But she obviously wanted you to marry her son, very much, and she's proud of you and wants to show you off - so that's flattering, isn't it?

It was your wedding, your photos - do what you want with them.

Or get someone to doctor (airbrush?) the photos.

Original poster
Broomsweeptheroom · 31/10/2010 21:33

I've shown dh this thread and he said he'll ring her tomorrow and tell hernicley to butt out.

Hail the power of mn!

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 31/10/2010 21:33

Ah - well I think YANBU and it was incredibly rude of them to make a fuss and insist on coming.

I said I didn't under any circumstances want a first dance and then got forced onto the dancefloor by my MIL - such a pain.

Original poster
Broomsweeptheroom · 31/10/2010 21:33

Her nicely even!

OP posts:
WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 31/10/2010 21:34

Do you mean they have photos but they want you to send some others you have to the extended family?

I think if this isn't the case and nobody has any momento of your wedding day, I can understand how your MIL might feel.

Not only were they not able to attend the wedding, but they're not allowed to see any pictures of it either.

To them it's not about how you feel you might have looked, it's about an important day in their sons life that they weren't included in.

If I've understood your OP correctly, then it would be selfish of you not to share the pictures of the day with your DHs family.

Why do you mention not having any gifts? It doesn't sound like you did it as a community/family wedding, so why would anybody feel comfortable contributing anything?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 31/10/2010 21:35

I'm sorry you feel so bad about your wedding photos :( Just another point of view - is this not her way of proving that she is proud and wants to show them off? After all weddding photos are meant to be shared, aren't they?
(APologies if there's a back story I'm not aware of).

TattyDevine · 31/10/2010 21:36

Its probably difficult to her as she might be being badgered for them by relatives who are curious. But sod her. YANBU.

lola0109 · 31/10/2010 21:38

WhoAte I suggested that OP masy have received presents thinking thats maybe why MIL was so insistent on sending photos. But if you didn't receive presents then no need for thank you card or photo etc.

Well done OP to your DH for stepping in. I'd get a nice family shot instead! :)

werewolf · 31/10/2010 21:39

YANBU.

Dh and I asked for no videoing when we got married.

Not only was it videoed, it's been a closely kept secret from us (until fairly recently) and the whole family's seen it!

grannieonabike · 31/10/2010 22:00

werewolf: Shock

Corvidae · 31/10/2010 22:23

Have you a generic one (of cake/flowers or something), you could make a point and just send her any you have without you in them?

Sierra19 · 31/10/2010 22:43

YANBU - why is it that other people think they have any bloody right to have and say in any aspect of your wedding. It is totally up to you what you are and are not happy with. They are lucky they even got to attend.

ForMashGetSmash · 31/10/2010 22:59

Did she actually call you rude and selfish? SHE is rude and selfish! It's nothing to do with her if you choose not to display yourself to HER family!

If I were you I would fake one up...put loads of makeup on....pop DH in his suit and hae someone take a pic of you together by a wall or some flowers...and send her that..she wont call you a liar unless she is mad...in which case bugger her! You and DH can laugh over your fake wedding pic!

EightiesChick · 31/10/2010 23:04

Oh, I quite like the idea above - put the same clothes on again and take a head and shoulders shot. You might even prefer this given that things didn't go right appearance-wise on the day.

Otherwise, I would take one of you both with your new DC and send that instead and say 'We know you wanted wedding pics but they didn't come out well so here's something even better...our new family photo'. Who could complain about a photo with a new baby in it?

YANBU though - it was your wedding, so your say goes on the photos.

Doodlez · 31/10/2010 23:05

Christ, I'll be absolutely heart-broken if my DS grows up and goes off to get married without wanting me there Sad

Corvidae · 31/10/2010 23:09

I would too Doodlez, but didn't want to say.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 31/10/2010 23:18

The in-laws were there!! re-read the OP!!

" we ended up inviting immediate family only on both sides so as not to upset dp's mum." Hmm

ForMashGetSmash · 31/10/2010 23:29

I think doodlez and Corvidae were thinking of the fact that had your in laws no insisted then they would not have been there...and they were thinking of how they would feel in that situation.

Personally I cannot imagine minding....I hate weddings....and I know my own parents would totally understand if I did not invite anyone at all!

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