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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

- some thoughts shouldn't be said aloud???

41 replies

firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 15:31

I just bumped into a neighbour walking her dog. She is generally very friendly and nice. In her 60s. I smiled and waved and she crossed the road to speak to me.

I was with DS who is 2.7 and DD who is 6 months.

Polite chit chat I asked how her husband was etc and she said...

"Well you haven't shifted this baby weight have you?"

She looked quite serious. I laughed and said
"No not yet" (I am having a hard time at the moment and am just eating a lot - big deal!)

"Are you actually trying? You look so different your face, your whole body" she said with a disapproving look.

(Please note she is pretty podgy herself)

At this point I wanted to poke her in the eye or die so I made an excuse and ran away.

Is it just me being sensitive? Yes I know Ive put on a fair bit of weight but FGS.

Should she have not just kept these thoughts in her head? [hsad] and [hangry]

OP posts:
GiganGORE · 31/10/2010 15:35

How rude.

taintedpaint · 31/10/2010 15:36

OMG. That's horrible. So fucking what if you've still got baby weight?! Why is it her place to comment on it?!

You are not being unreasonable or too sensitive. She was very very rude.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 31/10/2010 15:38

YANBU, theres a time for thinking aloud and a time not to. This was a not.

DD is only 6 months fgs.

ForMashGetSmash · 31/10/2010 15:41

What a nutter! If I were you I would studiously ignore her from now on...the cow. It's not normal...it's not nice and she KNEW what she was doing. Only a child or someone with mental health issues would say that...oh...and wicked old bags!

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 15:42

Good! I didnt think I was being sensitive. I just stood there thinking SHE MUST BE JOKING!!!

But no she was just being very rude.

Stupid woman.

OP posts:
mybedsmyfriend · 31/10/2010 15:43

Bitch.

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 15:46

I only see her a few times a year as they spend all summer in their caravan at the coast. She is normally nice but then Ive never been this fat before so Im obviously offending her now.

I will avoid avoid avoid.

OP posts:
sfxmum · 31/10/2010 15:51

did she tell you that you are probably breast feeding and that ruins the figure and you should stop if you want to please your husband?
Grin
yes well people do say this kind of shit to new mums all the time
somehow it seems that you only have to be a woman for others to feel free to express options about your body
add pregnancy and ouch you are public property
Hmm

scarylooker · 31/10/2010 15:52

If it weren't for the dog that could be my MIL. I just find it funny .... she always exclaims "oooh look at the SIZE of you!" I'm a 12, tops!

Heracles · 31/10/2010 15:54

"I can get thinner, you're not getting any younger..."

Jellykat · 31/10/2010 15:54

Thats' vile!.. She must have some major body issues!..

PigeonPair · 31/10/2010 15:56

You should have looked her up and down and said in a nice voice, "well, you must know yourself how hard it is to loose weight". That would have shut her up! Silly Cow!

ragged · 31/10/2010 15:57

ROFL, sorry, it's so mean it's funny (it would be comical in a film about someone else's life, her the butt of the joke not you). So true of the entire Internet, too. People online are way too quick to share thoughts that they would never ever dare say outloud.

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 15:58

Ooooh I would love to be a size 12 again.

And I will be when I decide I have had enough cake...

OP posts:
Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 16:01

I was just so shocked she was saying it to me. I am never that mean but blimey I might just have to not avoid her and see if I can come up with a witty retort on the spot. I am just never that quick! I can see the funny side but its still so RUDE!!!

Heracles that is a VERY good one.

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 31/10/2010 16:03

Personal comments are very rarely OK.

BitOfFunderthepatio · 31/10/2010 16:06

Do you know her husband? I would enquire discreetly about her health- inappropriate blatant rudeness can be an early sign of dementia.

If she is fine, she'll be hopping mad when it gets back to her, but she won't be able to say anything, because you were being all concerned like...

mamatomany · 31/10/2010 16:07

The cheeky cow.

Mumcentreplus · 31/10/2010 16:08

how horrible, rude and uncouth...YANBU..personally if I was in the mood I would have called her on it....ie 'Well I'll shift mine when you shift yours!'..

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 16:09

Ah had not thought of that. Yes may be health related. If I see her hubby I will ask. Otherwise she is just mean.

OP posts:
AllOverIt · 31/10/2010 16:10

What a bee-atch!

My MIL often makes crass comments about weight. I'm a size 12, 5ft 6 and fairly in proportion but she's always commenting. If we go out for coffee and I buy a muffin to share between me and the kids she'll do cat bum mouth and say 'you're not actually going to eat that are you and stare at my hips pointedly. FFS. She eats like a bird is painfully thin and has weirdy food habits. DH just tells me to laugh at her, and I manage to, mostly.

People are weird.

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 31/10/2010 16:17

Thats awful! I am about 5ft 6 and a size 18 so she would think me a hippo. Yes I am fat but theres no need to tell me you stupid woman!!!

OP posts:
witchinthewindows · 31/10/2010 16:24

I would have been so very upset at hearing someone say that to me - say what you like behind my back but not to my face. What a horrible lady. YANBU.

NurseSunshine · 31/10/2010 16:25

Some people are awful aren't they! I once had a woman at work ask me if I was "slimming", in a tone that sugessted she thought I definately should be! Bearing in mind that I'm a size 8-10 and she was at least 25stone, I did think it was a bit rich!

You should have said "I had a baby six months ago, what's your excuse?!"

NadiaWadia · 31/10/2010 17:15

You could have said something like "Goodness , you are really rude aren't you? Not like you at all, I always thought you were such a nice lady. Did you know that this can be an early sign of Alzheimer's in older people, maybe you should see your doctor?"

Thus both expressing both how her comments are unacceptable, and potentially useful warning re her health.

If you think its tactless, well she was pretty tactless to you!