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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3.5weeks is too soon to leave a baby?

52 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 30/10/2010 22:39

I know it shouldn't bother me but my sister's DD is 3.5 weeks old. Her MIL is babysitting tonight as she and her DH have gone to a Halloween party.

I don't have a problem with using babysitters for the odd night out but surely her 3.5week old DD should be more important than her social life!

I'm not some obsessive mother that doesn't trust anyone else with DS by the way. My mum sometimes babysits so me and DH can go out for a nice meal occasionally, I just think it's too soon for my sis!

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 30/10/2010 22:45
HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/10/2010 22:46

Is it just your sister you feel should not go out, or her husband as well?

DiscoDaisy · 30/10/2010 22:46

Why? Would the baby even notice she's gone at that age as they sleep alot (or at least mine did!)?

MaMoTTaT · 30/10/2010 22:47

I was back at church playing the organ (usually out for a couple of hours) 3 weeks after DS3 was born - would have gone back sooner but the vicar wouldn't let me

Firawla · 30/10/2010 22:47

well personally i think the same but each to their own, as its your sis baby she has to make the choice. and she is leaving her with mil not with a stranger, maybe she is very comfortable with mil and feels confident that dd will be fine. so wouldnt judge someone for it but would not think about leaving a 3.5 week baby of my own, even a 3.5 month i would not be too sure about! but in a way sounds wrong for you to say "too soon for my sis" as its not your place to decide that

TheCrackFox · 30/10/2010 22:47

Sounds fine to me. She was left with grandma not a passing tramp.

truffleshuffle · 30/10/2010 22:48

Well me personally...no I wouldn't leave one of my DC's at that age. But...that would be more to do with the fact that I was BF rather than some obsessive need to be with my DC.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 30/10/2010 22:48

Ideally both of them, but tbh he's a bit of a selfish arse so I wouldn't expect him to stay home

OP posts:
WeakAndMilky · 30/10/2010 22:50

Its nice that you have concerns about your sis and her baby, but at 3.5 weeks they dont do much more than sleep and feed. Im sure she won't miss mum and dad for that short time, and your sis probably needs a bit a of break after all the hard work of the first few weeks. Hope she has a lovely time, pity your mum couldn't have babysat for you so you could all enjoy a nice night out!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/10/2010 22:51

I couldn't, but then I was breastfeeding. If I hadn't been, and my MIL had offered to babysit (HAHAHAHHAHAH) to allow dh and I to go to a party, then hell yes, I'd have been there (for a couple of hours, anyway..and then maybe one or two more)

BarbieLovesKen · 30/10/2010 22:52

As I read OP, I was really feeling sorry for you as I knew/ know you are going to be absolutely lynched but no, I dont think your being unreasonable, I agree. Although it would be none of my business, I would feel the same as you.

That said, I went back to college 2 nights a week for 2 hours when ds was 3 weeks old but didnt want to - had to as Im trying to get my degree. Also he was with DH and I wasnt off drinking.

Nope, YANBU

HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/10/2010 22:53

But you would expect her to stay at home? Because she's the woman? Default setting for childcare? More responsible than the man for being with the baby?

As it happens, I personally would not go out and leave my 3.5 wk old baby. But I would not feel that I was any more responsible than my husband and I think that's not a very good attitude for you to have. Why should it just be oh well he's selfish arse so I expect it from him, but she's got a vagina so I expect her to staple the baby to her chest.

LynetteScavo · 30/10/2010 22:53

If she's not breast feeding, and has gone out for a couple of hours hot too far awy, while granny looks after the baby, and doesn't come home completely pissed, then why not?

It's great that she has the energy. I was shattered when my babies were 3 weeks old.

Would you think it was OK if she'd gone to have her hair coloured and cut? She would probably be away from the baby for few hours for that.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 30/10/2010 22:57

I have a 14 week old dd and I still wouldn't leave her for the evening. Mostly because she is a right whinge bag in the evenings and i wouldn't inflict that on anyone. And I am BF too, and that's when she wants to feed the most. But each to their own, I guess it depends on the baby.

Giddyup · 30/10/2010 22:58

YABU, it would be too soon for you, but it isn't for her. I expect she will find some of your parenting choices odd or unacceptable. Its all part of the rich tapestry of child rearing, or something...

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 30/10/2010 23:01

Perhaps I am being rediculous, it doesn't help I'm baby mad at the moment!

It wouldn't bother me if she'd gone out for something important, but I don't think going out drinking is important.

OP posts:
BarbieLovesKen · 30/10/2010 23:03

I agree (again)

usualsuspect · 30/10/2010 23:03

going out drinking is very important Wink

Jux · 30/10/2010 23:04

I think having a bit of a social with your partner in company with grown ups, doing grown up things is incredibly important.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 30/10/2010 23:04

Giddyup - fair enough point, I guess we're all different as parents!

DS has a genetic condition so that probably makes me more protective of him anyway without meaning to be!

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/10/2010 23:05

I'm pretty much tee total, so drinking is not very important to me either - but socialising (very occasionally) in the land of the grown ups is.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 30/10/2010 23:06

when DS1 was 10 days old, I went ...TO THE PUB... for a pta meeting, stayed until DH called to say boobs were needed at home.
Good job meeting was boring otherwise I would have been an awful mum!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 30/10/2010 23:07

sorry meant DS2

Giddyup · 30/10/2010 23:10

It's so true, a friend of mine and I are very similar in outlook on most things, even most things relating to our children. But sometimes we are completely shocked at each others actions and choices relating to the DC (although I am correct obviously!)

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/10/2010 23:11

YABU, nothing to do with you, is it? I left DS1 and DS2 for a few hours with my mum and dad when DS2 was that age as it was our wedding anniversary. He wasn't breast fed by then so she had give him a bottle, change a nappy and cuddle him. He cried a LOT at that stage with colic and those couple of hours at a restaurant were sanity-bringing for me and DH. DS2 just cared that he got fed and cuddled so everyone was fine. We really appreciated that my mum did it for us, and she was glad she could help out. She is a brilliant grandparent.

Unless your sister is having major bonding issues or something, then why on god's earth do YOU feel that it is soon for her and her child?

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