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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3.5weeks is too soon to leave a baby?

52 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 30/10/2010 22:39

I know it shouldn't bother me but my sister's DD is 3.5 weeks old. Her MIL is babysitting tonight as she and her DH have gone to a Halloween party.

I don't have a problem with using babysitters for the odd night out but surely her 3.5week old DD should be more important than her social life!

I'm not some obsessive mother that doesn't trust anyone else with DS by the way. My mum sometimes babysits so me and DH can go out for a nice meal occasionally, I just think it's too soon for my sis!

OP posts:
MuGGGhoulWump · 30/10/2010 23:12

I left DD for an hour when she was 4 months for the first time.
I hated it and rushed home.

Now, I think I was mad, I should've milked it!

She's 9 now, and I rarely get time alone other than when school/groups plan it.

If she is happy with it, then good on her so long as the care is good.

It didn't do me any good to not leave DD.

WitchyFlisspaps · 30/10/2010 23:12

Clearly your sister doesn't think it's too soon, and she should know.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 30/10/2010 23:12

YABVU.

I left my baby with his Grandmother when he was exactly 3.5 weeks old for about 3 hours. He took EBM from a bottle just fine and slept the rest of the time. After 3 weeks of basically sitting in my living room with a person attached to my boob, seeing an old friend was a VERY welcome distraction.

Mind your own business.

mummytinks · 30/10/2010 23:13

I bet shes out now feeling guilty because she knows shes being talked about and misses her baby,mil is prob judging her for leaving but delighted at getting baby all to herself for the night.

Each to their own, after nine months she deserves a party.Smile

kkfairybrains · 30/10/2010 23:13

YABU. why the hell shouldn't she go and enjoy herself for a few hours while her baby is getting properly looked after.its not as though she's leaving the country. she deserves it. the first few weeks are tough and a pregnancy long. i went out whwn dd was 3.5 weeks. my mum babysitted in my house and even kept dd in with her that night even though i was home. its not a decision that was made on a whim and it does you good to be 'you' for a few hours again. even if you do spend the whole night telling anyonw who'll listen how gorgeous and brilliant your baby is...!

KarmaDevil · 30/10/2010 23:14

When I read the thread title I thought she'd gone away for the weekend or something. She's only gone to a party and I presume will be back tonight.

YABU When dd2 was 2 weeks old we went the cinema, and when dd1 was 2 weeks old we went to a funeral. (Ok that was unavoidable - close family on DH's side), but I still managed to get slightly tipsy. [hblush] [hgrin]

Brollyflower · 30/10/2010 23:15

Meh. I know someone who went to a party without her 1 day old baby the day after coming home from hospital with her DC.

I wouldn't, but lots do. Tis up to them.

IggitheImpaler · 30/10/2010 23:15

She's not "going out drinking", she's going to a party - perhaps it's a reminder to her of her previous identity! You sound very judgemental. Her getting on well with her partner and avoiding depression are two ways of helping the baby, surely.
And mothers of bf babies can go out too (though it can seem more trouble than it's worth!)

IggitheImpaler · 30/10/2010 23:15

She's not "going out drinking", she's going to a party - perhaps it's a reminder to her of her previous identity! You sound very judgemental. Her getting on well with her partner and avoiding depression are two ways of helping the baby, surely.
And mothers of bf babies can go out too (though it can seem more trouble than it's worth!)

MuGGGhoulWump · 30/10/2010 23:22

And what if she was, 'going out drinking'.

So long as everyone has the care they need, then I see no problem.

Manda25 · 30/10/2010 23:31

My mum had my son over night when he was 6 weeks. We (OH and I) were going to go out for dinner and a few drinks ... we ended up getting a take a way and going to bed (to sleep!) I felt better for it and he was well cared for ...just because you wouldn't do something doesn't make it wrong.

GiselleS · 30/10/2010 23:33

I think it is important to take time to spend with your partner when a baby is young. It would seem that some couples forget this and could be part of the reason that so many relationships falter when children are born.

It is up to her when she goes out, she hasn't left the baby with some teenage babysitter!!

OTTMummA · 30/10/2010 23:43

When my DS was 3+/1/2 weeks old, i had my mum and sister come to stay for the day ( they live 3hrs away ).
It was the first time they had saw DS in the flesh and it was lovely.

I had a great time catching up in the daytime, and then when DH got home we toddled off to the hotel literaly down the road ( not even a 5 min walk ) had a lovely hot bath with each other, and ordered room service for dinner, watched a movie and had a cuddle. Got dressed and went back up the road when my mum had to get back.
We were gone 4-5 hrs max.
You know what my DS did in that time,,, erm,, he slept and drunk and had cuddles with my mum and sister.

God what an awful set of parents me and DH are Hmm

unclench please OP YADBU.

porcamiseria · 31/10/2010 07:35

i agree, each to their own thought. I was ROADKILL when Ds2 was that old anyway, still am!!!!

deliciousdevilwoman · 31/10/2010 10:38

It's not "neglectful" or an absence of maternal feelings, to want to have a night out, FGS! I don't see that 3.5 weeks is too young, and baby is being looked after by GP's.
Many moons ago, when my own DT's were 2.5 weeks old and we had arrived home from hospital earlier that week, their father and I went out for dinner and cocktails on the Friday night whilst my parents babysat at my house.

I felt in need of that night out. No one thought it weird or inappropriate insofar as I was aware. I had spent two weeks in hospital before their induction and two weeks thereafter the birth and a lovely "celebratory" dinner just the two of us, was just what the doctor ordered (well, not literally!) Earlier that day, their father looked after them for a few hours whilst I got my hair done and shopped for a dress.

I am now much older and 30 weeks pregnant with my daughter. Nights out sans baby will be a very rare thing as my parents are dead and my now H's parents are elderly. I am not unduly worried about it, but I know I could and would go out alone with H as long as I had safe, reliable child care sorted.

I think YABU and very judgmental of your sister.

twilight3 · 31/10/2010 11:01

she waited 3.5weeks before leaving her baby and going out?!!!?
She's a hero in my eyes

We're all different OP, as long as the baby is well cared for,I'd say butt out and don't mention this to your sister, there's a chance she finds the way you feed/discipline/dress your child unacceptable but bites her tongue...

Faaamily · 31/10/2010 11:03

Butt out you Judgy McJudgyPants SIL!

twilight3 · 31/10/2010 11:04

oh, and you don't mention her partner, is it ok for him to go? (sorry, this is a pet hate of mine)

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/10/2010 11:05

Sorry, I also think YABU

LaurieScaryCake · 31/10/2010 11:08

YABVU

Why aren't you judging your dbil similarly ? Hmm

I hope they have had a lovely time.

borderslass · 31/10/2010 11:10

DD1 was born 2 weeks before our first wedding anniversary and SIL babysat whilst DH and I went for a meal and a drink in our local afterwards.

Serendippy · 31/10/2010 11:12

YABU.

kansasmum · 31/10/2010 11:19

I take my hat off to your sis for having the energy to go out when her 1st baby is 3.5 weeks old! I was so knackered I could have fallen asleep standing up!

The baby is well looked after by MIL- who is probably chuffed to bits to be trusted with her grandson so early on.

Each to their own- 3.5 weeks is young but we all cope differently and maybe she is feeling great and just wanted some social time with her OH- nothing wrong with that- life as couple doesn't and shouldn't stop when you have a baby.

Lulumaam · 31/10/2010 11:20

based on the thread title, i thought you were going to say , 'for a 2 week holiday ' but a few hours on a night out??

might not be your bag, nor mine, i would have taken the baby with, but chacun a son gout

the baby is being doted on by a grandparent.

Get.A.Grip

ayjayjay · 31/10/2010 11:21

YABU shes ensured her baby will be well cared for while she's out so why begrudge her a bit of me time. Sounds like sour grapes to me.

As other posters have said you don't know how long she'll be gone for or how much or even if she'll be drinking. As long as one of either DSis or DBIL return sober enough to care for baby during the night then not a problem.

Not taking any time for yourself makes you a martyr not a better mother. Fair enough if you don't want to go out, nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't make you morally superior.

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