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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why I bother ?

70 replies

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 13:53

Bloody MIL again, she has a prolapsed vagina, I wish i didn't know this but I do.
Anyway she has now basically cancelled our Christmas because she has no feeling in her vagina and requires intensive physio (I am scared to ask).
Apparently her pelvic floor is unaffected so she's not weeing all the time.
But am I unreasonable to wonder why you can't manage a 30 minute car ride and what the hell it matters if you are not married/dating/likely to be in the near future getting any if you have feeling in that area at the age of 71 anyway ?

OP posts:

SheWillBeLoved · 30/10/2010 14:59

But the plans aren't ruined, are they? She has made your bloody Christmas by not being able to make it by the sounds of things.

How is her not being there going to ruin the plans? You already said she does fuck all to make it special.

It's October, not Christmas eve. Relax.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 30/10/2010 15:00

How is your MIl not being there really going to spoil anyones christmas, honestly?

If she doesn't feel able to participate due to her health problems, that's her choice!

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:01

Well of course I don't want her there, neither does DH if we're honest but she'll make his life hell for the next year if he doesn't cancel everything we currently have planned and come up with something that involves 2 cars, over excited children in a confined area that is her flat (the size of a hotel room) and all in all for the sake of jumping in a car for 30 mins.
She can manage the bus into town to get to her various hospital appointments.

OP posts:

3thumbedwitch · 30/10/2010 15:04

She can't make his life hell if he ignores her...

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:06

True

OP posts:

bran · 30/10/2010 15:06

That's a bit AIBU by stealth. There is a big difference from your OP of her not wanting to come to you for Christmas and your inference that you will have to go to her instead.

Pre-empt her and offer to bring lunch over to her on Boxing Day. Then you only need to stay at her place for a few hours. Arrive just before lunch, take the kids out for a brisk walk in the early afternoon, stay for a light tea with MIL and get home again with an hour or two to spare for playing with presents.

pumperspumpkin · 30/10/2010 15:10

My mother is waiting for surgery for a prolapse and it's incredibly uncomfortable (because, yes, it's hanging out) it hurts to sit down, it's a horrible thing. And that does include struggling to sit in the car.

Trifle · 30/10/2010 15:11

As it's virtually 2 months till Christmas why dont you get some medical evidence together to show that she will be more than capable of travelling half an hour to yours on Christmas Day. You can then present your DH with proof that she is just attention seeking and tantruming. If she can sit down at home she can sit in a car.

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:11

Boxing day the baby is getting Christened which is why I don't need any of her nonsense tbh.
AIBU was probably the wrong place for me to have a moan about this but honestly you'll have to take my word for it she will be annoyed the attention will be all focused on a 6 month old rather than all asking about her fanjo and fluffing up her cushions.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 30/10/2010 15:11

you will have to learn to accomadate her then...in her own home

why cant you control your dc in her flat? why is it sucha hardship

she might not be here for many more christmases....and she's your dc and dh family

alexisfaith · 30/10/2010 15:17

Ok, mama, I'm starting to realize that your relationship with MIL was causing you problems (you refer now to her attention-seeking) before her prolapse. And I didn't realize it was your baby's Christening the very next day. You sound like you have a pre-existing awkward relationship with MIL and additional stresses this year. So I understand on that level, it's annoying you: you should have included these details in your OP to get more well-rounded responses.

But still, please go easy on her, she's an older lady really going through some pain.

DuelingFanjo · 30/10/2010 15:18

Ah I see. You hate your MIL and you don't want to go to hers at Christmas. Don't go then. Sorted.

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:19

I'm offloading here so I can do my best and bear it voice when I get to talk to her eventually with whatever I come up with as a plan B.
We aren't talking about a sweet little old lady though she seems to go out of her way to wind me up, easily done at the moment.
I have 2 months to change all my plans but she of course doesn't have 2 months to be feeling a bit better, apparently.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 30/10/2010 15:28

don't change your plans. Have Christmas at yours.

3thumbedwitch · 30/10/2010 15:28

shouldn't they be operating to shove it back up before Christmas? If it's that painful I would have thought they'd have done something about it inside 2 months.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn · 30/10/2010 15:29

I agree with Bran.

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:30

You'd think so wouldn't you 3thumbedwitch, no doubt she's waiting for DH's 40th, the first week in January.

OP posts:

Rindercella · 30/10/2010 15:33

When people get a little older they tend to worry about their health more. Pain can really make someone feel very unwell indeed. It csan become all someone is able to think about.

At present, your MIL doesn't think she'll be up to travelling 30 minutes each way on Christmas Day and then spedning the whole day in a house not her own with lots of small children.

If she has the slightess suspicion of what her DIL actually thinks of her, I can't say I blame her in the least. I would stay 100 miles away from you.

3thumbedwitch · 30/10/2010 15:34

Well I would have thought so, yes - surely nastier things start to happen if it's all hanging down outside where it shouldn't be? Doesn't it start affecting other things in the area? Has she actually got a prolapsed vag or is she just "borrowing" the complaint from a friend?

bran · 30/10/2010 15:39

Is your DH an only child?

TBH if it was me and I was doing all the organising I would just carry on doing what I wanted to do and ignore hints and demands. Just keep repeating "I don't think that would work". It's not as though your DH can force you. I expect he's used to dealing with difficult women if he had your MIL as a mother , so pick one thing that's important to you and make it clear that you WILL be doing it your way.

bran · 30/10/2010 15:39

Are people agreeing with me again. I enjoyed that so much.

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:41

3thumbedwitch, she's probably read it on google.
But she can be convincing, I'm sure she's had at least one operation she didn't need, the Dr more or less said so but they can't take any chances can they.

Rindercella I am sure I do sound a bitch but for example we've taken her to the sound of music last year at great expense and instead of the kids going to a pantomime and she left at the interval saying she was bored and sat in the foray with a face like a slapped arse.
And then complained it was raining like I had made it rain as she left the theatre. The woman exhausts me at times.

OP posts:

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 30/10/2010 15:45

Could your DH go and pick her up so that she didn't actually have to drive - or is it the sitting in the car rather than the driving that she can't do.

TBH is she really will be that ill, what she needs is a peaceful quiet Xmas, not a family of 8, so you go ahead and have a good Xmas and Christening and then get DH to see her afterwards.

Original poster

mamatomany · 30/10/2010 15:47

She can't drive, we would be picking her up and taking her back it's not a problem at all we are used to doing that.
But that is not acceptable.

OP posts:

bran · 30/10/2010 15:51

Sorry, I missed your earlier post about your DH being an only child.

In which case I stand by my suggestion of doing it how you want. I can guarantee, absolutely, that if you make it clear you will NOT being going to her on Christmas Day she will ask your DH to collect her (at the most inconvenient time possible) and come to you. Tell her you will be eating an hour earlier than you actually are, because she be wanting to be picked up at the time that she thinks you want to eat.

Alternatively offer to send your DH over for a couple of hours on Christmas Day with a selection of children and a plated up meal for her.

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