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AIBU?

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Original poster

FB and children..this is why it's wrong.

46 replies

MoralDefective · 30/10/2010 11:58

Have posted on this subject before...
Neice in Australia aged 8,friend requested us about a month ago....none of us (DP,me,DD(22),DS1(20)and DS2(16)have accepted because we don't think it appropriate for 8 year olds.
SIL,has posted previously about how she she can't walk having just been waxed!!!![yuck]
She now has a post from a friend that has shown up on our walls that has gone via neices profile....it reads....
'Horny,fat wife in stockings and high heels,puts on a cape
She bursts into bedroom and shouts at her husband..
''SUPERPUSSY''
He looks up and says
'i'll have the soup'.
My whole point has always been that you can't control what other people put on FB.
Neice is 8
AIBU to think her Mother is vile to expose her to this....i would include her Father but he's not on FB so assume he doesn't know.

OP posts:
TheNextMrsDracula · 30/10/2010 12:01

Mine are SO not having FB accounts until they are at least 15.

JuicyOoozingLips · 30/10/2010 12:02

thats not nice! 8 is quite young to be on fb, especially as this shows just how you cant control what others put on their wall. definitely YANBU.

sims2fan · 30/10/2010 15:22

My 11 year old cousin has a page, and I really don't agree with it because I keep seeing on her profile these questions that her friends have answered through some application or other, and they say things such as 'Do you think Jemma is pretty' and then there's the friend's answer which is 'No.' To that particular posting my cousin then put a sad face emoticon. Now, it could be that the friend in question thought others would think her 'weird' to think another girl pretty, so thought she'd better put no, or it could be that actually she's a bit of a madam and wanted to wind my cousin up. Either way though, I can imagine it's pretty hurtful while going through puberty etc to have evidence that people don't think you are pretty. There was also a question about 'would you drive across the country to see Jemma' and another friend had put 'No.' Again, that could be because of course the friend can't drive, but to my cosuin I can imagine that she is getting these responses through this stupid application and starting to think that noone likes her! Kids can be so sensitive to things like this. At least a verbal comment is over and done with, whereas on the internet it's there in black and white (and often even colour!). I don't think there's any need for Facebook until the age of 18 personally.

cheesesarnie · 30/10/2010 15:24

i wont let my dc on it(10,9 and 4) doesnt stop their friends requesting me,i always ignore it and when i see them i explain why.

amidaiwish · 30/10/2010 15:27

yes but you can "hide" people from your wall. DD uses my facebook to play treasure isle or something. she is 6. my niece (16) is always posting inappropriate pics/status updates, as is my gay friend, both of whom i hide so no updates on my wall.

nannynobnobs · 30/10/2010 15:28

I have cut contact with a 'friend' of mine after he had a HUGE go at me for posting a rude joke on his wall where his 11 year old niece could see it! I pointed out that she should NOT be on there at 11 and that it is an adult forum. Twat.

usualsuspect · 30/10/2010 15:29

You can control what they see on their walls though ,if you set the privacy settings right

usualsuspect · 30/10/2010 15:32

If I don't want someone to see my status updates , I add them but block them from seeing my wall,photos etc ..

Oldjolyon · 30/10/2010 15:35

Moral Defective - aren't you assuming that your SIL allowed anyone to see what she puts on her status updates?

Underneath the status update box, there is a little lock, where you can state exactly who can and who cannot see that status update. I for one, lock certain updates that perhaps I don't want family or certain friends seeing. I also do the same with photos. Its called customise, and for all you know, your SIL may have blocked her DD from seeing that particular update.

Of course, if she did this, it makes your whole post meaningless... but you cannot know one way or another whether the DD has been blocked, because that's the way FB has been designed.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/10/2010 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/10/2010 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooonit · 30/10/2010 15:58

The fact that any child under 13 has had to lie about their age to create a profile on FB just about sums it up!

Even with the privacy settings, it is hard to control other people and what they say.

I'm not saying children shouldn't use Facebook - just think we need to teach our children about safety online, as we would in everyday life.

Original poster
MoralDefective · 30/10/2010 16:54

Have just been back to have a look and make sure i've got this right..
SIL via NIECE.....(names)

..Jane Smith(sil) via Jenny Smith(niece)
Peter Jones...'joke'
All names are in bold type,it looks very much as if the 'joke' has gone to SIL via nieces FB account.
How can SIL make other people who are nieces friends on FB,cutomise their updates.
Peter Jones is SILs friend and also nieces friend.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 30/10/2010 18:40

I don't understand how you can send a joke via someone elses fb Confused

Original poster
MoralDefective · 30/10/2010 19:37

I don't understand it either....i repeated on here what the post said..
That said i don't really understand the ins and outs of FB anyway[durr].
I only really use it to keep in touch with distant friends and my Brother.
DD is round for lunch tomorrow...
i shall ask her
she understands FB.(how it works)

OP posts:
nancydrewrocked · 30/10/2010 19:43

I would say that is more an argument for why twats shouldn't be allowed facebook accounts actually.....

Original poster
MoralDefective · 30/10/2010 22:45

Hmmmm....i just think children shouldn't be allowed them
At least not until the required age limit
(which i think is too young)

OMG,do you mean meShock....because i don't understand FBs workings?
As i said,i use it to keep in touch with friends and Brother.Confused

OP posts:
DeadBodyofKaraStarbuckThrace · 30/10/2010 23:22

I completely agree.

DSS (9) has a FB, despite DH's objections. DH and I have ignore his friend invites and emailed various family members on DH's side to tell him to do the same. DH's aunt accepted it. One of her mates put a very dodgy link on her FB page and I mailed her to ask her to delete it, telling her that DSS can now see that link, please remove him from your FB friends as you cannot control what your friends post on your page!
In addition DSS's mum has fallen out badly with her best friend, best friend has posted some nasty comments about DSS's mum - was supposed to be to another friend but she posted on her page so all her friends, including DSS and his mum saw it. The best friend(who has been drinking heavily again) has also been messaging DSS trying to get him to meet her behind his mum's back.
DSS's mum told DH about it and said she is going to delete DSS's account and set him up a new one. I told DH she should just delete the account and leave it at that!!

Jux · 30/10/2010 23:23

Everyone in dd's class was on FB - two years ago. She's only just 11 now. I had held out and held out against her importunings, but finally broke as she was clearly missing out on stuff (I am ashamed of myself, btw). She sent friend requests to a number of my friends, some of whom accepted (the ones who didn't really use it anyway) and a couple of whom turned her down asking me to explain that it was nothing personal but they couldn't tell for sure what would get on to their pages.

Luckily, dd didn't bother looking very often, though I checked her page every day. About 6m in, she'd had a row with a friend of hers, who had then gone on to FB and shouted how much she hated dd etc etc etc. A couple of dd's classmates put comments too - not agreeing, but not disagreeing either. At that point, I decided that I had made a very big mistake, rang the friend's mum, asked her to have a word with her dd about what was appropriate behaviour on FB and what wasn't. Neither child has an account any more.

If your child does have a FB account, then you really do need to keep a very close eye on it.

Having said that, I have two other friends who are in their 40s, who had a blazing row a few months ago. One of them got on to FB ranting and raving about the other in an even more childish way than above child. She's done it a few times now, and has sent private FB msgs to people in similar vein. The other one maintains a dignified silence on the whole affair - apart from defriending the other of course.

Adults can be as stupid as kids really.

Jux · 30/10/2010 23:26

But more resilient, obviously.

Original poster
MoralDefective · 31/10/2010 01:04

Can't we all just say NO.....
At least until they are at least the proper age...........

OP posts:
Jux · 31/10/2010 12:27

Yes, but if you're surrounded by people who have all said yes, it's more difficult. I caved in to dd because one of her friends had issued party invites through fb and consequently dd had missed out.

Anniegetyourgun · 31/10/2010 12:28

Facebook is evil.

My spellchecker doesn't like it either.

HeavenForfend · 31/10/2010 12:31

Regardless of the rights (none) and wrongs (everything) of letting children on facebook, that joke is bloody horrible.

bekkio · 31/10/2010 15:14

I personally think 8 is too young for a FB account but we have gone way past day when just saying no or having the suitable software on your home PC prevents our children from accessing the internet. You may have sensible rules in your home and not allow your son or daughter to having a mobile phone with such facilities but what about the other 29 children in there class? Do you seriously believe it is possible to monitor what they see and get access too outside the home? My DS1 is 5 and has limited use of my laptop to do his homework and play a few games....I am always with him and know that this is all he is doing but even so at his young age, he could, if I let him, log in to the various sites he uses without me!:/

I think the only way forward is to educate and inform our children about the pros and cons of new technology as I fear the days of being able to shield them from the dangers of it, for very long, are way behind us.

Bek x