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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a thank you letter for godchildrens presents

52 replies

brizzagirl · 29/10/2010 20:22

Between us DH and I have 4 godchildren and they each get a present for every birthday and Christmas. For 2 of the godchildren we always get a polite thank you letter, but for the other 2 we hear absolutely nothing and sometimes I even wonder if they received the gift! Or occasionally I might get a message on facebook if I'm lucky ;-)
Perhaps it is just me but having gone to the trouble and expense of buying and sending a present I think it is good manners to send a short thank you. Or AIBU? What do you think?

OP posts:

familyfun · 29/10/2010 20:24

i have always sent thank you cards off dd (3.3) for every present she has received but this xmas i will also have an approx 1 month old baby and probably wont get a chance, i hope people wont think me rude but dd isnt old enough to do them herself yet. normal circumstances, i think a card is best.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 29/10/2010 20:26

YANBU - thank you letters are basic manners. I have always insisted my children write them; as far as I'm concerned, if they can't be bothered to thank someone for going to the bother of trawling round a shop and parting with their money, they don't deserve the present. Hate it when people don't acknowledge presents. Perhaps you should just stop giving them?

onceamai · 29/10/2010 20:29

You are not being unreasonable but I have on occasion let the DC off. When they are small they get so many presents for Christmas and Birthdays and getting them to sit down and write a note to everyone can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. For people I know might be offended I make them do it - generally these are from the generation above. A compromise can and often is a printed note from the PC with a signed name but must confess to doing these and not getting around to write the addresses on and actually post.

BF's children, one of whom is a gc, is exemplary about this and I do try to telephone her - and never forget her children.

You are right but sometimes with a full time job, 2 dc at different schools and a house and a DH and presents to buy for everyone else's children it slips and yes it's wrong.

ilovesooty · 29/10/2010 21:08

Basic good manners IMO. I wouldn't send any further gifts to the gc who don't acknoweldge them properly - and I'd tell them why as well.

40deniertights · 29/10/2010 21:15

Think it depends on how old the children are as to how outspoken you get about it. I personally don't really care if it means a job for already busy parents. If I was really wondering whether it got there I would mention it in my next text or call. If they are old enough to write then they should. I always send them but am not bothered if a few don't come to me.

Clarkiee · 29/10/2010 21:20

If you are there when they open the presents then they can thank you there and then. Otherwise it should be acknowledged
When I was younger I usually thanked aunties and uncles over the phone. Occasionally I would thank them in person instead. I always tried to let them know that I appreciated the gift.

lovechoc · 29/10/2010 21:21

YABU - people have busy lives, and it's easy to forget these things. A simple phone call or any other type of acknowledgement is perfectly fine IMO(phone call, email, in person etc).

ilovesooty · 29/10/2010 21:24

I think a phone call is fine, as long as there is an acknowledement to something that's been sent through the post.

I don't think it's ever acceptable for someone to be left wondering whether their gift arrived.

carriedapumpkin · 29/10/2010 22:35

OI family fun, get your butt over here..

please

been worring about you allday!

carriedapumpkin · 29/10/2010 22:38

familyfun step this way

SE13Mummy · 29/10/2010 22:57

I think the right thing to do is to thank whoever has given the gift. If the gift is given in person then the thanks can be expressed in person. If the gift is sent by post so too should the thanks. If the gift is e-mailed then I guess the thanks could be e-mailed...

One of my brothers has a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old. I now save their Christmas/birthday presents until we see them in person as it annoys me if neither he nor my SiL can be bothered to let me know that gifts have arrived. They both have iphones, e-mail and Facebook throughout the day plus SiL is a SAHM who spends vast amounts of time on Freecycle/eBay/Gumtree but are apparently too busy to even text a thank you . They're quite keen on presents and are slowly beginning to realise that if they don't make the effort to meet up with us a couple of times a year they won't receive their presents.

Harsh? Definitely, but it saves the stress of worrying about non-arrival of gifts and frustration at non-arrival of thanks.

Giddyup · 29/10/2010 23:12

I have never received a thank you from my nieces for Birthday or Christmas presents, it very annoying but I would not stop giving to them. It is hardly their fault if my Brother is choosing to bring them up without manners.

thecaptaincrocfamily · 29/10/2010 23:18

Depends how old they are. If they are pre-school age YABU, but a phone call doesn't go a miss with parental prompting. Infact any age a phone call or personal thankyou is fine.
My SIL sends thank you cards for every present received which I find really irritating and a complete waste of trees! Do you save them or do they end in the bin?

Mummy2Bookie · 29/10/2010 23:19

YANBU but unfortunetly most people do not have any manners.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 29/10/2010 23:33

Maybe YANBU but maybe YABU. Should you expect thanks for a present? If you are, then maybe you shouldn't be giving them out?

aurynne · 29/10/2010 23:38

You know that the thank you letter would come from the parents anyway, don't you? Children are not grateful by nature, and expecting something back from presents given to children is a bit big headed in my opinion. The joy of knowing they will enjoy the present has always been more than enough for me.

Besides, children usually show their gratitude in millions of other ways. I make an effort to be present when I give a child a present, and the child will remember it was me, even if it doesn't occur to him/her to utter "thank you" at the moment. Sometimes you find your present has a special place in that child's pillow. Sending a present by post, especially to young children, takes away the warmth and the ability to engage with the child. Of course they will forget about sending a thank you card.

MoralDefective · 30/10/2010 00:27

YANBU.....when mine were too small to wrte letters,i wrote them
As they got older i wrote them and they added bits and sent pictures(drawings)
Later still,they wrote their own 'thankyou' letters
Only polite
If someone is kind enough to'think'of them and send them a present or money then they should have the good manners to say 'thankyou'.
Not that difficult really.

40deniertights · 30/10/2010 09:35

Sometimes it is difficult. Depends how busy you are and if you are struggling at a given time. If they are pre school I am very understanding TBH, cos it is another job for the parents. Also these are generally gifts to and from people i love and respect. I'm not going to fall out with them if a letter doesn't happen. I always send them, but there have probably been times when I have missed one by mistake. I always remind people they should not feel obliged to give gifts to my dc and try to discourage to much of it. It is also important that where possible, they are given face to face, even if late, so that my dc can be more aware of where gifts are from.

DeadPoncy · 30/10/2010 10:42

Giddyup is quite right, with the comment : "It is hardly their fault if my Brother is choosing to bring them up without manners."

Perhaps mention it to your godchildren's parents instead, brizzagirl?

sims2fan · 30/10/2010 15:41

YANBU and it annoys me greatly how children are being brought up these days to expect to receive presents but to not to have to thank the senders for them. Even if it's just a phone call, some way of acknowledging the gift should be mandatory I feel. My mum is feeling a bit let down at the moment, because she sent her niece's son (so her grandnephew) a present for Easter, and then a present including a nice handknitted jumper for his 3rd birthday. I know handknitted things aren't everyone's cup of tea these days, but I would have thought that the effort she put into it would have been appreciated at least. But she hasn't even received acknowledgement of these gifts, and neither have I after sending him something for his birthday. His mum, my cousin, is on Facebook, so even if she had sent me a simple message to say the present got there, thanks, and could I pass thanks onto my mum, would have been something. My mum only sees this grandnephew once a year anyway, so i think it's pretty decent of her to send him a present each birthday, Christmas and Easter. To not even hear that the parcels arrived makes her feel like not bothering anymore, though I'm sure she will.

SE13Mummy · 30/10/2010 16:05

I disagree that expecting a thank you from the recipient of a present is big-headed; it's good manners. Pre-school children may not be old enough to write a beautiful letter themselves but most parents will be capable of e-mailing/texting a thank you if they are really so very busy that they can't 'phone or send a piece of nursery tat work of art with "thank you from X" jotted on the back.

phipps · 30/10/2010 16:07

I still buy for people even if they don't send a thank you but it does annoy me.

Mowiol · 30/10/2010 17:38

Basic good manners cost nothing so YANBU.

I made both of mine write/thank in person/phone (at the very least).

I also have memories of my mum sitting us all down after Christmas and Birthdays and making us write thank-you notes for gifts we received. She also refused to allow "one sentence" letters. They had to include a bit of chat - no slacking under her eagle-eye!!

She was ultra busy too so the "busy lives" comments do not excuse lack of even so much as a phone call.

Suncottage · 30/10/2010 18:03

My god-daughter was like this - this year for her birthday I bought her a box of thank you cards, a book of stamps and an address book with my address already added.

It worked

fishtankneedscleaning · 30/10/2010 18:10

I wish I had a thank you card, letter or even phone call from my grandchildren - ever!

My dd got stroppy after me and her dad split uup over 15 years ago. He was shagging anything with a pulse but it seems I should have shut up and put up.

My grandchildren are 9 and 5 and I have not missed their birthday, Xmas or Easter but dd refuses to allow them to make a thank you phonecall.

I live in hope that my grandchildren will visit when they are adults.

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