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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

refuse grandma to put nappies on dc at 4?

44 replies

pitzi · 29/10/2010 10:48

grandma (MIL) sometimes has our 3 nearly 4 year old overnight. Only about 4 times. She lives alone and puts him on cushions on the floor (there is nowhere else) and sleeps beside him. He has wet the bed on a couple of occasions, and one time rolled off and peed on her white rugs.

She works from home, so I understand the difficulty there, plus the rugs are heavy and she cant manage the laundry. She is insistent that we put him in nappies when he sleeps over. He hasn't worn them for nearly 2 years, and I doubt it he will keep them on. I don't want to do it as it seems regressive, especially as although he kept dry at night for 3 months, he has been wetting the bed quite a lot at home recently. I am happy to resolve the issue by using a travel cot, (if he would fit in one) but he is heavy and and she has a bad shoulder, so doubt that would work. Am I being unreasonable? She seems to think so.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 29/10/2010 10:49

I dont blame her for wanting to find a solution, but I'm with you on the not putting him in nappies. How about just not having him to stay till he's nailed it? Presumably she can see him at other times?

QuintessentialShadows · 29/10/2010 10:49

Yabu. Because your child is not dry at night, and she is risking both her cushions and her carpet.

Why not buy him a ready bed he can take to grans?

SweetnessAndShite · 29/10/2010 10:50

What about those bedwetter pyjama pant things as a compromise? Never tried them so they could be awful but just an idea.

redflag · 29/10/2010 10:51

Is it really necessary for him to sleep over? the sleeping arrangement doesn't really seem ideal, if i were you i wouldn't send him overnight.

llareggub · 29/10/2010 10:52

Buy a blow-up bed. My 4 year old loves camping with his.

Agree with QS. Your son isn't dry at night, is he?

TheProvincialLady · 29/10/2010 10:52

It sounds like a very unsuitable sleeping arrangement. How about a ready bed? Or if it must be cushions etc then how about a waterproof mattress cover and something to stop him rolling off the cushions?

Sarsaparilllla · 29/10/2010 11:03

I agree with SweetnessAndShite, those pyjama pant things might be a good compromise.

I think you need to find some middle ground here, I don't think she's being unreasonable not wanting her cushions and rugs ruined, whether she works from home or not is irrelevant really.

switchtvoffdosomelessboring · 29/10/2010 11:03

My 4 year old ds wears nappies at night - its not really a big deal. He too was dry for a while, then every night wet the bed and I couldn't be arsed with all the hassle of wet beds.

I'm assuming sometime he will not need them, but until then I just don't make a big deal of it.

Why can't your ds sleep in her bed beside her - I can't imagine its very comfy for her to sleep on the floor.

TheBrideOfBlatherstein · 29/10/2010 11:04

I was going to suggest a ready bed too. Much better than cushions on the floor, light and easy to move and deflates so easy to store - and the cover is machine washable.

Buy bed mats to go between the cover and the inflatable mattress to soak up any accidents and prevent run-off.

And/or buy pyjama pants. My DS is 3.8 and fits in both

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 29/10/2010 11:08

Seems like you're not really addressing his bed wetting at all. bizarre.
The fact that your child has had dry nights would imply that his chemistry is right to be dry.

togarama · 29/10/2010 11:10

YANBU re the nappies but YABU re expecting grandma to just put up with wet furnishings.

You need to do something about this but nappies aren't the answer for a 4yo.

As others have noted there's some great inflatable ready beds / camping beds around for kids this age. (Ours was only £29.99.) They're really easy to clean. You could also lay a big changing pad on top under the sheet as well.

LynLiesNomoreZombieFest · 29/10/2010 11:26

Pampers care mats are quite good for protecting beds from occasional accidents.

2shoeprintsintheblood · 29/10/2010 11:38

huggies dry nights are very good, and they look like pants

faverghoulles · 29/10/2010 11:38

Your mil shouldn't have to deal with this.
Either buy a waterproof sheet, or send him with night pants.

ragged · 29/10/2010 12:05

YABU.

Everything I read suggests that if a child is truly dry for an extended period and then regresses to frequently wetting then there is a physical or psychological problem that needs addressing.

I don't know if that's true, but if he were mine I'd A) talk to a GP, B) put nappies (or Pyjama pants, or Huggies Dry Nights or whatever) back on him at night when he visits Granny, or C) not have him overnight with Granny.

2 of my DC were still in nappies/pull-ups at night at 4yo, kind of ordinary around here!

alemci · 29/10/2010 12:07

i think the pyjama pants are a good idea or a pampers mat. i don't blame her for being stressed about her furnishings.

ben5 · 29/10/2010 12:09

ds1 was out of night nappies by 4
ds2 is 5 next week and is still in night time nappies
ragged GP will not do anything till they are 7
i even know someone whos 8 and still in nappies at night

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 29/10/2010 12:17

DOn't put him in a travel cot, get a ready bed or at least something he can unfold and sleep on at Grandmas (why is he only on cushions?)
YABU to moan about what your MIL does to keep her furnishings clean.

SalFresco · 29/10/2010 12:21

Oh FFS. A 3 year old has a few accidents and suddenly has psychological problems that need addressing?!?! THe MIL "should not have to deal with this?!" It's all based on a one-off accident where he got wee on a rug!

Don't send him for sleepovers until she is happy for him to come without nappies.

faverghoulles · 29/10/2010 12:23

ben5 - at age 8, it's estimated that in a class of thirty dc, 3 or 4 will still be bedwetting.
At 4, if they're not ready to be dry at night, there's nothing you can do but go along with it. Dr's cannot refer until age 7.

jonesy71 · 29/10/2010 12:27

Bit early to be taking about GP.

I would use Huggies Dry Nights too, - I wouldn't worrying about this being a regression as it can be just at Gran's so different to his routine at home.

Having said that I would personally not worry about using the night pants at home too for now. I thought DS was dry at night, seemed like ages since his pull-ups were wet in the morning, then we had a run of days when he was wet every morning, and now just occasionally. He knows he has 'night time pants' and is pleased in the morning if they are dry, and if they are he is very keen to use the loo straight up from bed and get in his big boy pants, - so the message is quite clear.

faverghoulles · 29/10/2010 12:29

Salfresco - it sounds like this has happened more than once.
My dd is a bedwetter, knowing that it happens, I would send her for a sleepover prepared for it, not just assume that it might not happen, because I don't think it would be fair for someone else to end up with wee'd on mattress/cushions/carpets.
At age 4, I don't think it's likely to be psychological or physiological, it's just one of those things.

pitzi · 29/10/2010 12:44

Hi I think a vital point is being missed out here. I have an inflatable bed, along with waterproof sheets that i use at home and are brilliant. I've offered to bring to grandmas from the word go and on several occasions since including now as a solution. SHE is not happy to go along with it. I too totally understand her not wanting to ruin her furnishings, regardless of work, its her home after all. SHE insisted on using her own cushions, and is not happy with our solutions.

I TOO think that the best solution is to not find a solution other than nappies that she is happy with, or not let him sleep there at all till completely dry. I take all the wet bedding home to wash myself, and only since the cushions got wet has it become a problem for her, understandably. I was never happy with her arrangement, but went along with it so as not to appear difficult. i do not expect her to put up with wet furnishings at all, that would be unreasonable.

She seems to think that my inflatable bed with sides is something that he may clamber over. Maybe he would do this to snuggle up to her, (she sleeps on a futon on the floor beside him)

Not quite sure how I am supposed to address the bed wetting bar giving him the last drink earlier in the day. I always get him to the loo before bed. I'll check out those pyjama pants. I don't mind so much the wet bedding, I wash nearly every day anyway, and as he has eczema, his bedclothes need a regular wash.

Thanks for your suggestions though, but my concern was wether I was being unreasonable to not want him back in nappies. My instincts says no to all types, and look at pyjama pants or other alternatives.

OP posts:
ragged · 29/10/2010 13:00

I only suggested talking to GP in case there was a problem like worms (see other night time wetting thread!) or UTI or something GP could do something about.
I wonder if there's something about Granny's house/routine that is making bed-wetting more likely.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 29/10/2010 13:08

wrt to bedwetting in general:

increase fluid intake during the day to stretch the bladder and increase holding capacity

avoid brown and red drinks as these can irritate the bladder - basically coke and ribena; in an ideal world stick to milk or water

do wee/teeth/wee before bed (double-voiding)

try not to lift at night as no matter how hard you try the child will still be practically weeing in their sleep so this practice reinforces sleep-weeing; counter-intutive, I know

Double or triple-dress the bed - waterproof/sheet, waterproof/sheet to make nocturnal bedchages easier; you just whip orf the wet layer to reveal a fresh bed underneath

HTH

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