to think why should I have to refer to myself as a sahm?

[springchik]

Whats wrong with full time mum?

I don't think there is anything that fits perfectly or sounds right.

I refer to myself a teacher as that is what I am paid to do. However, I work part-time and as a result need no childcare (children at primary school) or help with the housework. I think if I wasn't working in the situation I am now I would simply say I don't work as I would be doing exactly what I do now minus the working plus the more time for myself.

Maybe there isn't a neat little title that fits. There is a world of difference between a parent not in paid employment who looks after their three pre-school children all day and one that has one or two children in junior school.

Anyway, as a part-time working mum (I was even when the children were little) I don't mind full-time mum at all. It is pushing it a bit to claim that title when all the children are at school though!

"It is pushing it a bit to claim that title when all the children are at school though!" well not always, I have just started to work part time but 3 out of my 4dcs are present at my work place so technically, even though I work a bit out and my Dcs are all in school I am still a full time mum

Some Mothers who are in paid employment have a bit of a thing about Mothers who are not in paid employment calling themselves 'full time Mums'.

As if this implies that they're not mothers when they're at work. Thing is it's the job of mothering we're talking about rather than the relationship, the bum wiping, feeding etc. Maybe they should call themselves full time carers?

It's a shame isn't it that we are all Mothers with all the guilt and responsibility that brings and yet we snipe at each other and fear we are being undermined by every innocuous term the other uses.

I think this is all too much faff about nothing.

I know many mums who don't have a paid job, and I've never, not once heard them refer to themselves as SAHM. To be honest, like others have said, I've only ever heard this term here.

Equally, I (at the moment) am not in a paid job, and am pretty much looking after my DS most of the time- although he' still at nursery some of the time. I would never dream of calling myself this or that, I just describe what it is I do, what point I'm in in my life, to whoever happens to ask. And on forms etc, I always use my profession as 'what I do', regardless of whether I'm currently working or not.

If it' the 'job of mothering' that the term 'full time mums' refers to, Schroeder, then yes, nannies, childminders etc who look after a particular child every day should refer to themselves as 'full time mum'. But no, they're clearly carers of the child, not the child's mum.

These terms are not innocuous, it's important what works we use. I'll say it again: a mother is a relationship / who you are, a carer is the role / activity.

(sorry, meant it's important what words we use).

Maria, in Switzerland, child minders are called "day mums", I have never really thought of it until your post but do now fin it interesting.

day mums...hhhm, interesting. Well, Switzerland is known for its super non-family-friendly policies and its conservativism so wonder if that's relevant. I would certainly find it offensive if someone who was caring for my child referred to themselves as his 'day mum'!

Most definitely a cultural/conservatism thing IMO and for having spent over a decade in UK now, I does make me shudder a bit too.

Slave driver according to ds1 and ds2 [ grin] or studying for diploma n nagging again ds1 and ds2

I just say I don't work, if anyone asks. And I'm one of those whose DCs are all at school.

Never came across the term SAHM until I discovered MN, and I cpuldn't bring myself to say 'homemaker' as that would clearly be fraudulent - puts me in mind of someone (American?) who changes the accessories in her house to match the seasons.

The label 'SAHM' is misleading. I don't know any 'un-employed mothers' that stay at home. Housewife also implies the same.

I describe myself as a full time Mum. However, when I use the word Mum in that sentance I'm referring to it as a job title rather than an emotional attachent.

I find it laughable that 'employed mothers' 'working mothers' (whatever) would think this undermines their own title as Mum.

To disagree with a term, Lurpak, does not mean one is offended by it or feels undermined by it.

I think of SAHM and WOHM as online acronyms, really. I've never heard anyone use either of them in real life.

If I was going to get fussy about language, I'd rather use verbs rather than nouns so that we're talking about activities rather than identity. "I work at x" or "I'm based at home with the children" or whatever. What I do is not always the same as what I am.

You see what I mean- however carefully I tried to word my post I knew someone would find fault with it.

I really am not sure why this subject is so emotive(although I have a pretty good idea) it clearly is though, so I will step away I think.

Do you disagree with the term Maria? Is so, why?

Mind you, having worked in recruitment in the dim and distant past, I became quite good at detecting BS in people's job descriptions, or in their idea of being 'busy.'

People in all walks of life talk up what they do, and it's no less laughable just because some draw a salary for their endeavours.

I always say I'm on a career break. Not that I ever had a career as such anyway..........

Being a full-time mum, SAH, domestic engineer (although I prefer the title 'Goddess' ) or whatever you want to be known as, surely 'lady of leisure' is the most offensive. Apart from 'kept woman'

WhatsWrong you've hit the nail on the head there. People have always set too much store in job titles. I've even read in the past that many people would be just as happy with a new, fancy job title as they would with a payrise.

What you call your chosen occupation doesn't define you as a person as much as feeling judged or inferior for it does.

You are unemployed.