Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with XH

42 replies

xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:26

Every time he has picked dd up from school he keeps her sweatshirt or cardigan. It is now at the stage I cannot in all honesty afford to buy another one.

I know what you are all going to say but if I ask for them back he will run to the court or SS and complain that I am failing to keep her warm. He has a track record of this. I feel like I want to explode.

OP posts:
Hedgeblunder · 27/10/2010 16:30

Hmm- could you ask that she leaves her cardy at school and keeps it in her classroom? That way you can take her in her coat, take it off her before she goes in?
I know it's not perfect but it's the only solution I can think of without contacting exH!

keepingupwiththejoneses · 27/10/2010 16:30

Could you be a bit naughty and maybe send her in a thermal vest and no cardi/sweatshirt, or ask teacher to keep hold of it for you on those day's he picks her up.
Can't really think of anything else you could do.

saffy85 · 27/10/2010 16:30

Can't you just complain right back that he is failing to keep her warm by effectively nicking her stuff? Have you got receipts proving you have bought her cardigans/sweatshirts etc to keep her warm?

Your ex sounds like a first class twat btw, which ofcourse you already you know.

Needanewname · 27/10/2010 16:32

How old is your DD?

Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:32

I have wondered that but he could twist that a lot. To be honest I am exhausted constantly having to justify my every move and consider what his opinion is before I even put the dinner on. I can no longer think straight :(

OP posts:
Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:33

She is 5.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:34

xwitch....you need to lose this mentality. i appreciate,it takes time. but he has NO say as to how you look after your DD.....ss would not be interested in this. but keep a diary anyway,as back up

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:35

also,mention this to her teacher...so she's aware if ss are ever contacted,she will be asked about your DD

Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:37

Its not so much him I have to prove myself to. Its the courts everytime he complains. His family told the court last week that I was the worst mother ever last week.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:38

and the court said,what??

Needanewname · 27/10/2010 16:38

OK she's a bit young to remember by herself, but you needs to keep reminding her to bring it home, without making her feel bad for forgetting iyswim

The other thing, I'm not sure how he can complain that you are failing to keep her warm if you ask for a cardigans back - surely he is failing to keep her warm bu not sending back her clothes.

Your ex will continue to bully you for as long as you allow him to. Don't let hime, stand up to him and ask for the clothes back.

Stop worrying about his opinion and justifying yourself to him and get on with your life. You were strong enough to leave him now you need to carry on being strong, show your DD that you do not have to so what bullies (male or female) say.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:39

by court,who do you mean?? CAFCASS or a judge?

Needanewname · 27/10/2010 16:41

I'm sure the courts are used to this kind of thing.

Keep a diary of comments, if the courts thought you were that bad they would have removed your DD by now. Keep strong and happy, then your DD will be happy and the courts will see this.

Ignore his family and don't ever bad mouth them in front of your DD, just smile sweetly then come on here and rant and rave or see RL friends.

ivykaty44 · 27/10/2010 16:44

He is making things difficut - is there any way you can pick up form school and get your dd into her own home style clothes so that this doesn't happen?

As for court ss or any other offical body - let them know that you are missing great chucks of clothing as he refuses to return cxlothes that belong to your dd - if questioned

Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:48

In front of a judge who didn't comment.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:48

how can he run back to court constantly anyway?? there are long waits and it costs loads ech time....

get a section 91 (14) against him,i did!! it prevents constant applications to court without leave of the court.....stops him running back and forth with silly little issues. assume he gets legal aid then?

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:49

have you had a section 7 report done yet?

how come its in court anyway?

saffy85 · 27/10/2010 16:49

How can some people (your ex, not you) be so fucking ignorant they don't realise the damage they are doing to their DC by dragging the DC's mum back to court over and over again, to question their ability? Angry

My dad did this to my mum alot when I was about your DD's age and the end result? I hated him with a passion at one point as my mum was a wreck the whole time, couldn't function unless on huge dose of anti depressants.

You know you're doing good job bringing up your DD, your DD knows this too I bet. Your ex is messing with your head please don't let him and his family do this. Lets face it, if you are the worst mum ever, you wouldn't have custody of your DD.

Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:51

Yes he does get legal aid. My desk is groaning under official letters 'telling me off' for my latest misdemeanor. I met is lawyer in the supermarket one day and I had to fight the urge to be incredibly rude to her.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 27/10/2010 16:52

How does she get returned to you? Face to face? Could you say, "ooh, where's her cardy?" then?

Look, I know you're scared but you have to remember no-one is going to think the worse of you for asking for your daughter's cardigans back.

Send an email if you want a permanent record. Just say - I think you must have some of DD's cardigans, could you return them when you see her next. Don't say anything about running out, or you'll give him ammunition.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:53

so solicitors and court are all involved....why??

you can raise this issue surely?

Original poster
xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:55

I don't understand the legal process any more, just being dragged along now. The report I have seen says I am a good mum but says I am imagining the abuse because his parents say he is a lovely guy Angry.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 16:58

which report?
who made it....cafcass?

do you have a solicitor

saffy85 · 27/10/2010 17:00

Makes me sick to think of dickheads like this getting legal aid to send letters to the mother of their child just to tell her she is doing a less than satisfactory job of looking after their DC. Is this really what legal aid is for????? Angry

SuePurblybilt · 27/10/2010 17:02

OP, do you have no legal help at all?

Swipe left for the next trending thread