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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with XH

42 replies

xwitch · 27/10/2010 16:26

Every time he has picked dd up from school he keeps her sweatshirt or cardigan. It is now at the stage I cannot in all honesty afford to buy another one.

I know what you are all going to say but if I ask for them back he will run to the court or SS and complain that I am failing to keep her warm. He has a track record of this. I feel like I want to explode.

OP posts:

Original poster

xwitch · 27/10/2010 17:04

it was a report written by a solicitor. I have my own solicitor.

I know he was initially refused legal aid but then got it. I am paying massive legal aid contributions even though I earn under half what he does

OP posts:

Original poster

xwitch · 27/10/2010 17:05

it was a report written by a solicitor. I have my own solicitor.

I know he was initially refused legal aid but then got it. I am paying massive legal aid contributions even though I earn under half what he does

OP posts:

Original poster

xwitch · 27/10/2010 17:06

oops how did I do that?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 17:06

its no use if written by a solicitor. they didnt interview you then? its just a one sided report

what happened in court? what has your ex taken you to court for??

AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 27/10/2010 17:11

Do you pick up DD? If so, calmly refuse to leave until she has everything she needs. Or check her things when she comes back and say "oh, you've forgotten her X/Y/Z, I'll come back with you now because I'm heading that way" or something? Or tell teachers and get her to take it off at school. What a prick, sorry.

Original poster

xwitch · 27/10/2010 17:18

I just typed a reply and it disappeared

He is going for full custody and no access for me. Court adjourned until the new year.

Think I will get her to keep it at school then I have witnesses as well.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 17:29

full residency? from the status quo of you being main carer..........with him having access.

he'll need a good portion of luck.....obviously,if he's saying there are welfare issues,then CAFCASS will do a full section 7 report.....CAFCASS are like social workers for the court. they should get to the bottom of this and make their recomendations.

i doubt you have much to worry about

saffy85 · 27/10/2010 17:36

Unless you're on crack or similar he has no chance of getting full custody, especially if he is so open about not wanting you to have access. Maybe he is the one on crack?????

mumblechum · 27/10/2010 17:45

So presumably when you say a "report" was written by his solicitor, you mean a statement?

Reports are only usually written by independent experts, eg Cafcass.

A statement, written by a solicitor(but approved by your ex) is, of course, going to put his side forward, just as your solicitor will put your side forward in your statement.

You referred to abuse earlier - is that towards your dd or to you?

Original poster

xwitch · 27/10/2010 18:18

The abuse it towards me only.

OP posts:

TandB · 27/10/2010 18:28

I'm sure there are family lawyers on here who can say this with a good deal more force than me - I haven't done family law since I was training. But, in the absence of any major, major issues (of the type that would have had your daughter removed from your care urgently) he is living in cloud cuckoo land if he really thinks he is going to get a residence order with no contact for you. Is this set out in his lawyer's letters? If not, I would suspect that he is saying one thing to you to scare and bully you, and something else, much more moderate to his lawyer. Secondly, a statement from his solicitor is just his version of the situation. As others have said, it is Cafcass who will so the actual, unbiased report and that is what the judge will rely upon.

You really need to get a thorough understanding of how the family court process is going to work, and what he can and cannot do. If you are fully up to speed about the procedure then it will be much harder for him to bully you like he is doing.

Longtalljosie · 27/10/2010 19:47

I agree with Kungfupanda, especially about the last point. You seem rather vague about all this - knowledge is power. You need to be entirely clear about what your options are.

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2010 19:50

repost on www.wikivorce.com child residency forums....they will help

ivykaty44 · 27/10/2010 22:48

if I was in your position I would write a letter to his solicitor myself

dear xxx

Could you possible arrange for your cleint to give back his childs clothes, including all the school uniform to myself. It is becoming increaslingly difficult to clothe our dd as your client is refusing to give back vital items of school unifrom that she needs to wear.

It is very dissapointing that your client can not be accomadating and it is making dd's life difficult. Hopefully clothes can be retuned

thank you for your assistance in this matter

will not cost you and I bet you will get all the clothes back

Diamondback · 28/10/2010 10:22

Pre-emptive strike - contact SS and tell them that your Ex is stealing DD's clothes and you've had to replace them so many times you can't afford any more.

Then talk to your solicitor about how he is harassing you through the courts and that injunction thingy mentioned earlier in the thread.

Good luck!

NicknameTaken · 28/10/2010 10:57

He's not going to get full residence with no access for you. It's just bullying.

Are you confident in your lawyer? He/she should be intervening to stop you getting bullied through the courts. It might be worth a call to Women's Aid to ask about solicitors that they recommend - some solicitors are more capable than others in this area of law.

But I don't see how an email from you to your ex asking for him to return warm clothes for your DD could possibly be construed as you being negligent. You're demonstrating that you're trying to keep her warm and clothed!

You need to be documenting this bullying as it is relevant to the residence issue (helping you to argue for sole residency with you rather than joint residence).

nancydrewrocked · 28/10/2010 11:10

Again to reiterate what others have said - he is not going to get full residence with no access for you. Not unless there are BIG issues which you are not mentioning.

And again the "report" is simply his statement. No more than that.

He is trying to bully and intimidate you and you need to wise up. You have had another thread going about his unreasonable behaviour and that of his family haven't you? And I think you received some good advice and reassurance.

IIRC you were also told by the judge that you are doing agood job and were told (or at least it was implied) by the judge that your ex was being unreasonable. Those are the comments you need to take to heart and listen to not what your ex says.

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