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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to expect visitors to have manners?

36 replies

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 13:52

We recently refurbed the entire interior of our house just prior to arrival of DC. 2 visitors arrived round and although it clearly isn't to their taste as it's very IKEA (all we could afford and we were starting from absolute scratch, not owning a single item of furniture beforehand) - instead of saying "mmm, you've done a lot to it" or even NOTHING, began to tell me that I had created a bland interior. They even took it upon themselves to criticise the fact we haven't integrated our washing machine and that you can see our bin from the hallway... if I could have afforded a blinking £900 integrated washing machine, I would have done it!

I was almost 9mo pregnant at that point and just about held my tongue as they are from the generation above DH and I.

Would anyone else dream of going into someone's house (who you don't know all that well and have met about 6 times) and making comments like that? Or should I not expect people to have any manners at all? FWIW, I can't stand the decor in their houses, but always try to say something nice if I notice a new (mirrored / clear plastic with shells embedded in...) loo seat or something, whether I mean it or not, as clearly it's something they like.

I don't really give two hoots what they think about my house, so it's not the criticism that irks me, it's what I perceive to be plain old bad manners...

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 27/10/2010 13:54

did you invite them in? don't do it again!

how very rude Shock

bigchris · 27/10/2010 13:55

It's very rude
we were showing a mate of dh's round our new house and he said but will you have the money to do it up
rude sod....

CakeCuresAll · 27/10/2010 13:56

That is just rude - don't invite them back and if they ever comment that they've not been around for ages just reply that you've no felt the need to consult any interior stylists recently.

Ghoulfriend · 27/10/2010 13:56

Very rude Angry

truffleshuffle · 27/10/2010 13:57

Yes they were very bad mannered. It's your house, not theirs so they had no right to criticise.

BetsyBoop · 27/10/2010 13:57

YANBU

as my dear old Mum used to say
"if you can't think of anything nice to say then SAY NOTHING" !!

estya · 27/10/2010 13:57

Thats 2 less christmas cards to write!

CrazyPlateLady · 27/10/2010 13:57

Thats really rude. Even if I didn't like someone's house, I just wouldn't comment at all. I wouldn't dream of saying anything negative.

They wouldn't be invited again!

Who was it?

TheProvincialLady · 27/10/2010 13:58

YANBU but think of the fun you can have when you visit them next!

hackingandhewing · 27/10/2010 14:01

YANBU. My DHs best friends wife has some sort of moral meltdown when it comes to interior design.

Last time she was here, she comented on the coat hooks near the back door laden with DCs coats/bags etc and said "of course it won't ever look tidy or nice while that's there" (I had asked her advice about what colour to paint the kitchen as she is good with interiors).
Subsequently I never invite her round - she's bonkers!

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 14:03

:) CakeCuresAll - having seen their efforts at interior styling, I think I'd rather face the 60 minute makeover people..

TheProvincialLady - I was at one of their houses at the weekend actually - missed opportunity!

OP posts:
twolittleflyingmonkeys · 27/10/2010 14:05

Very rude indeed. No manners at all. And very rich coming from people with a tacky seashell loo seat!

Marlinspike · 27/10/2010 14:07

YANBU - how rude! Sometimes I think the older generation seem to have lost their manners; yet seem so keen to berate the lack of them in our children!

The wife of an aquaintance (aka not someone close to us) informed DH that she had known the previous owners of our house, and "wasn't that the one with all those pokey, pointless rooms...!" We thought of putting that delightful description into the estate agents details when we sold it!!

If you really don't like something, you can comment along the lines of "you've put such a lot of work into this", or "are these farrow and ball colours"...there's lots of ways of making encouraging noises without actually saying anything! Smile

I am sure your house is fantastic saint, and good luck with new baby!

MaimAndKilloki · 27/10/2010 14:13

I'd have told them to leave! [hshock]

Was round a friend's house once, she'd just moved in, it was their first home which they'd scrimped and saved for (she was 25) when her MIL turned up unannounced with her new (never introduced before) boyfriend in tow. The boyfriend then proceeded to tell my friend about all the things that were wrong with the place, going up to walls and tapping on them to see if they could be knocked through etc.

My friend virtually had steam coming out of her ears unsurprisingly, but couldn't say anything because of it being the MIL.

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 14:32

Thank you Marlinspike, DS seems to like his bland new home...

Totally agree with "if you can't think of anything nice to say, say nothing at all". I did manage to compliment the one whose house I was at on their new furniture arrangement, despite thinking the new wall colour looked like Halloween had come early... and having my mind boggled by a mirrored loo seat.

Apologies to other fans of mirrored loo seats, I promise I would never let you know what I really thought if I were to visit your homes...

OP posts:
crockydoodle · 27/10/2010 14:41

Am fascinated by "mirrored loo seats" , such things exist? why?

Myleetlepony · 27/10/2010 15:41

I walked into the lounge of my friends' new house about 3 weeks after they'd moved in. It was very brown. Brown patterned wallpaper, brown carpet, even some brown paintwork. It looked like the set of one of those grim 1950's films. I looked round and said "I bet you can't wait to get this decorated".

They'd already done it. Blush

MadamDeathstare · 27/10/2010 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 27/10/2010 15:45

mirrored loo seat??? Do you say "does my bum look big in this?" as you sit down?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 27/10/2010 15:45

or evern just "how rude!"

Laquitar · 27/10/2010 15:52

Dont worry about them.
They sound pretendious and boring.

They are probably here on mn and read those threads about home decor Grin.

You havn't invited LeQueen to your house, have you?

EldritchCleavage · 27/10/2010 16:23

I think the visitors were incredibly rude, OP. I mean, it's either your dream decor, in which case you really don't want to hear how crap anyone thinks it is, or it's the best you can do at the moment, in which case you really don't want to hear how crap anyone thinks it is...

DH and I were sighing that our house looked a bit too 'IKEA' for our liking the other day when DS hove into view, swaggering along with his toy hammer looking for mischief. That's when we remembered why we bought The World's Cheapest Shelving Units.

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 17:07

The mirrored loo seat is one I can't fathom. Why you would want to see the contents of the bowl reflected back at you is beyond me. That and the sight of one's backside hoving into view... maybe it was a request from the males of the household as perhaps it has magnifying properties like a funfair mirror.

Eldritch - the IKEA was chosen for those very reasons - economy and being able to think "oh, it's only IKEA stuff" when DS and his little friends begin to rampage with toy tools and jammy hands in a few years.

OP posts:
Faaamily · 27/10/2010 17:10

Very rude. YANBU.

Chil1234 · 27/10/2010 18:29

I'm loving Myleetlepony's foot-in-mouth story. :) Yes SaintEpney, it was rude. Polite people will always err on the side of caution and find something nice to say about your decor, regardless of what they really think. And, even if it is completely wall-to-wall vomit-inducing, they could have looked out of the window and said 'what a lovely view you have!!'

Memo for future... never hold your tongue. That American expression 'EXCUSE ME????!!' could have been invented for this kind of thing.