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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to expect visitors to have manners?

36 replies

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 13:52

We recently refurbed the entire interior of our house just prior to arrival of DC. 2 visitors arrived round and although it clearly isn't to their taste as it's very IKEA (all we could afford and we were starting from absolute scratch, not owning a single item of furniture beforehand) - instead of saying "mmm, you've done a lot to it" or even NOTHING, began to tell me that I had created a bland interior. They even took it upon themselves to criticise the fact we haven't integrated our washing machine and that you can see our bin from the hallway... if I could have afforded a blinking £900 integrated washing machine, I would have done it!

I was almost 9mo pregnant at that point and just about held my tongue as they are from the generation above DH and I.

Would anyone else dream of going into someone's house (who you don't know all that well and have met about 6 times) and making comments like that? Or should I not expect people to have any manners at all? FWIW, I can't stand the decor in their houses, but always try to say something nice if I notice a new (mirrored / clear plastic with shells embedded in...) loo seat or something, whether I mean it or not, as clearly it's something they like.

I don't really give two hoots what they think about my house, so it's not the criticism that irks me, it's what I perceive to be plain old bad manners...

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SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 19:31

I'd love to have forgotten my own manners (there were many other criticisms levelled at my poor house that day!) and said "goodness me, for a couple of stuck up old cows who pretend to be posh, you're both extremely rude, aren't you?"

Very much "esprit de l'escalier" for me... as I've got to know this pair, I have seen more and more of this sort of critical rudeness from them. But my parents brought me up to be polite no matter what, so I probably will never call them on it in RL...

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thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 27/10/2010 19:41

crockydoodle Am fascinated by "mirrored loo seats" , such things exist? why?

Haemorroids?

I have known my FIL to come round and actually pull off a strip of wallpaper before - we weren't decorating, we didn't ask him to, we weren't even asking his opinion on anything to do with the house - he just took it upon himself to have a look what was underneath. I think shortly afterwards (if my memory serves me correctly), he even had the nerve to say the house looked a mess and why didn't we decorate it Hmm.

BubbaAndBump · 27/10/2010 19:51

SaintE are these 'ladies' (and I use the term loosely) friends of yours?? Why do they think it's okay to criticise something that's just been done up? (One thing to ask for someone's opinion before you do spend time and money (however much) on something. Quite another to do what your visitors did.

:(

unfitmother · 27/10/2010 19:53

How rude!

YaddahYaddahYaddah · 27/10/2010 20:09

Very very rude (nothing wrong with IKEA for a start)

Agree with SaintEpney I'd have forgotten my manners seeing that was the theme of the night.

Mind you when i was 9 months pregnant I developed an unstoppable ability to say what I thought to rude and offensive people without blinking an eye. Shame I lost it!!

thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 27/10/2010 20:11

Rude!
I had a neighbour like that.
When I was very poor I was thrilled with my first every brand new duvet cover. Really chuffed.

She walked into my flat and said 'hmm yeah its ok but it would look better if you ironed it'

I couldnt believe how rude she was then I met her mother. She walked into my [admitedly a bit way out ] flat and did a cats bum mouth and critised her way round for half an hour. It was the first time I had ever met her!

I appreciate what people do with their houses even if I dont like it. If someone is thrilled with their Italinate resin fire surround I am not going to tell them its horrible. Because its their house and they have taken the time and effort to put it in.

Thank blimey for Ikea. Before they opened I had to get my stuff from skips. People who slag ikea off are just showing off because they want you to know they dont have to shop there.

GrendelsMum · 27/10/2010 20:14

I think with that kind of person, you just have to take them up on it - "This is my new house, I'm very proud of it, and I expected you to share how pleased I am, not to criticise it because it isn't like your house." On the whole, they shut up.

On the other hand, I'm sometimes probably rather rude about people's gardens, just because I think I'm being terribly terribly helpful with suggestions about what they could do with unlimited dedication and time.

anyabanya · 27/10/2010 20:18

Some IKEA stuff is really very beautiful. Fresh, clean. IMO.

We have neighbours who really wanted to buy our house when it came on the market and the sale fell through. (Their whole chain fell through and so they decided to stay put... two doors down from us). They are nice people, but every time they come over for the obligatory pre-Xmas drinks the wife sighs, looks around and says 'well, we would have done this [random design] instead.'

irritates me.

OmniaParatus · 27/10/2010 20:25

Very rude.
As its already been mentioned, any chance you can get the 60 minute makeover people to do their house? Imagine the joy on their faces when they see the transformation Grin.

SuePurblybilt · 27/10/2010 20:26

It is very rude. But maybe some of the stories on here were one-off foot in mouths?

A friend of a friend started to tell me why they were selling their house in XX town at t'other end of the country. We were interrupted by children and as we resumed I told her that I lived in that town briefly and how much I hated it, how horrible the people were and how she was quite right to sell. Yes, she was buying another house in the next street Blush. My frantic backtracking was not enough and I still cringe when I think of it.

SaintEpney · 27/10/2010 20:58

Bubba - not friends, relatives, so we're lumbered with them.

One of whom had seen the house before and went round pointing out all the bland, ugly, cheap things we had to her accomplice, as well as drawing attention to the vile, tacky, orange tat gift she had brought back from holiday for us which I felt obliged to display, and commenting on how it was the only colourful thing in the house.

Surely the spines of over 1000 books are colourful...?

I wish I could put it down to just footinmouthness, but they really think they are the last word in interior style. Maybe they were really into Changing Rooms in 1993...

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