in letting my child make a mess at a messy play session ?

[MyMessyChild]

Please be gentle with me, I am feeling a little down at the moment.

This morning I took three children under 4 years old including a breastfed baby. First time out with all three, as oldest is normally at school.

My 2 year old DD was being messy and carrying around the tray of cooked noodles in a basket. I told her to stop it and made her take the noodles back to the tray. A staff member told me off saying it was fine to make a mess that is what messy play was all about and I was not to worry about it.

Ten minutes later they asked me to take her shoes off as she was tracking noodles. Of course I said sorry and took the shoes off straight away.

Another ten minutes later she had took the bloody noddles into the hall, someone had left the door open, unknown to me. I had asked a friend to follow her, while I was breastfeeding the baby.

The head staff member told me off for letting her a mess and that I needed to clean up the mess myself rather than let her do it. I was so upset and embarrassed and the baby was crying as she still needed to be fed. So I packed up the children and left in tears.

In the interest of fairness I must add, I also took one closeup picture of my children with my new phone. I now know that is against the rules too, I put the phone away straight away. I was told that mobiles need to be turned off for the duration of the messy play session. So they were cross with me for that already.

I might be in the wrong, I don't know. However I am still angry at how they spoke and treated me, surely reducing a new mum to tears in front of other mothers can't be a good policy. I am a fairly confident happy mum and I have rules for my children and several strangers have commented on their good behaviour when out in public. They are no angels but not as terrible as the staff made out :(

I am never going back again, shame it was the only social thing for my toddler in the village but I can't go somewhere where I am treated so badly.

Last thing, why cooked noodles what a stupid thing for a messy play item, which is why I didn't want my DD playing with it in the first place :(

was this a toddler group?

Was this a Surestart centre by any chance? Where the staff dont let you say anything negative to the little darlings but flog parents with a cat'o'nine tails at every opportunity?

Disclaimer: That's what this board would have you think, anyway.

It is run by the local sure start at our village library. I was told last week by staff member that my baby would die if I co-sleep, as her DN had died of SIDS.

Opps, I of course am very sad that her DN dies of SIDS and did respond appropriately.

I was at the thought of ALL co-sleeping babies dying, of course it like lots of things in life carries a risk. Sadly many babies die of SIDS in cots as well.

It sounds like this woman is completely incompetant, I hope not all the staff are like that. Maybe she knew full well that the door shouldn't have been left open, and she was deflecting attention onto you because of that.

Do you know if anyone else has found her hard to deal with?

If you can possibly bring yourself to go back, do try. I'd imagine the other Mums there woul be much more sympathetic, and they are presumably the people you'd want to see. Try and write off that woman as one miserable old cow, and don't let her spoil what should be a good thing for you and your dc's.

Btw, we use noodles as a messy play thing for pre school, it's a sensory thing apparantly!

This is why we all don't care if sure start closes down amongst my friends I'm afraid, just what a new mother needs to be reduced to tears whilst trying to take her children out for the morning.
This just doesn't happen at the NCT in my experience.

Yanbu
they should be friendly
cooked noodles is a daft idea, my ds would just eat them

They've got it all wrong. Our local sure-start was lovely (I say was, as DD's older now - we don't go). The staff were so helpful. especially to mums with more than one child. It seemed to me that the point in them was to take one of the mum's children off her hands for a bit, so the children had one to one.

I hate messy play anyway Noodles aren't so bad, the one I hate is the shaving foam. Bleurgh.
Email the centre manager if you feel you were unfairly treated, all settings need feedback.

There was three staff members today, head one and two youngest girls. They are so bloody hide bound and seem to delight in making things as difficult as possible for the mothers attending, under the guise of 'helping the poor mothers be good parents' umbrella.

I am not going back again, this was their second chance.

They also reduced me to tears several weeks ago. Insisting that I took my double buggy to their outside pram store in the rain, take out my sleeping tiny newborn and shouty toddler, changing bag, double rain cover, three coats, water bottle, purse, keys, bag of shopping and bring inside on my own. They wanted me to do this on my own with no help.

I burst into tears and explained how impossible this was on top of no sleep, I was still suffering from child birth injuries including painful hips so bad I was using the damm pram instead of the crutches I was using at home.

After my emotional meltdown, I painful turned the pram around to go home. One of the staff members said she would break the rules and watch my children in the library whilst I did the rest, which was just about doable, hard and painful but doable. I didn't want to stay but did so because toddler was shouting for the toys. I was told off for changing my baby in the corner of the room on a changing mat instead of going to the front of the building to use the proper changing facilities. I know I was wrong to do so, but considering I was in so much pain and they made me leave my walking support (the pram) outside, you think they could turn a blind eye to one quick wet nappy change.

If I hear the words 'Health and Safety' once more I will scream. It is a miracle my oldest child made it to 4 when I am such a crappy parent

I might complain, but as I have broken several of their rules unknowing in every case. (I have never broken a rule more than once IYSWIM.) I doubt anything would be done.

Sadly the wonderful music group run by a third party (non sure start people) was cut recently and that was so much fun. No rules and all the children AND mothers had a lovely time.

You need to write to the manager and complain
that's atrocious
how are you meant to change your baby in the changing room and watch the two eldest kids anyway
please write and complain
tell your health visitor as well

"how are you meant to change your baby in the changing room and watch the two eldest kids anyway"

Guess I should round all three up and go on mass (with my coat, bag, purse, shopping etc etc) every time any one of them needs a change, help on toilet.

Should reduce the amount of time I spend in the session from 2 hours to about 10 minutes

YANBU - sounds as though they are getting off on being in charge - thews ethigs are meant to provide support, not bollockings1 you will prob feel a bit better when yuo are getting more sleep etc

I love my childrens centre, never been to a messy play though. Noodles are bloody awful though - they had them in a pit on the ground at a stay and play and DS kept proper skidding over onto his back and ended up with them all over him inc. his hair Was the mess in the hall? Or did she make you clean up the mess you were told to leave already...?

I can understand the pram, but the manager/receptionist at ours is so helpful - holds baby for me, watched DS2 (2) for me while he was tantruming on the reception floor so I could check DS1 (4) who was in doing stay and play

I really feel for you. you are NOT in the wrong. How can they behave like that? How did they ever get jobs there? Saying that though I went to group the other day, it has just been take over by 3 PAID staff{rather than the voluntary previous ones], and the lady running it was so wet, kind, but wet!!
No idea - but was sooooo over the top with health and safety.
Please go again, and don't be put off.But perhaps when your older one is at school, it may be a little easier. Take a big bag to put all your bits in, and just be yourself.
Hope it goes ok x
I do wonder though why these people get the jobs????

I keep hearing negative things about Surestart centres which is why I have never as yet set foot in one. IMO it doesn't sound a good idea to constantly tell an adult off as if they are a naughty child, in full view of their DC.

YANBU sounds like they gave you a hard time you clearly had your hands full which is very unfair.

I think they absolutely should make allowances for you with the new baby re buggy etc, but I do attend messy play at children's centres (more than one) and the set up is the parents stay with the kids, right with the kids, joining in.

I might get flamed for this, but there are LOTS and lots of play groups /classes where the mums stand around the walls with their tea or sit at the edge with their younger babies while older ones "go for it"

The sessions in the children's centres provide something different. I can't bear the 'go off and crash about with random toys while mummy sits and has a cup of tea" groups and DS does not enjoy them, always ends in tantrum when some older kid who's mum can't be torn away from her chat n coffee to intervene grabs toys off him.

I have the description of the local session here, it does state quite clearly that the guardian is expected to join in. They are also pretty hot on finishing up in one area before moving to the next (so if you do messy play, and you child wants to move on you help them tidy/wash hands first)

I don't think YABU and these things could have been pointed out with more kindness and a little bit of leeway given the new baby, however I also think that its not the fault of the children's centre that this group isn't perhaps the best one for you at the moment. The church groups seem to have areas where mums feed wee-uns while bigger siblings play freely in the hall. I mean this suggestion kindly, really! its so that your ventures out have been upsetting for you and I hope you find groups that work better for you, I just don't like the children's centre bashing either because the messy play sessions are an important part of our week here and I'm so glat that I don't have to either go to the random crashing about ones, or pay through the nose for monkey music type ones

As other posters have said, I think this is sadly so indicative of the way we treat parents of tiny children. As if they need disciplining and are vaguely in the wrong, and break rules, and are generally annoying. Anybody with an ounce of human kindness would be making this lady a cup of tea and giving her a bit of a break, ffs, given that she is probably limping a bit and trying to bf a newborn.

Instead she is made to feel like an incompetent idiot. Which she cearly can't be if she is making the effort to venture out with 3 tiny children.

So many facilities for children are like this, faffing about talking about raising confidence and self-esteem amongst children whilst demoralising their parents. Our last primary school was like this. DH recently said "Isn't it great to go into the new school and not feel you have potentially done something wrong the whole time without knowling what it is?"

It says it all really.

It is really sad BoffinMum, attitudes like this are why I never went to sessions like this when DD was small as I know I couldn't have dealt with being made to feel a total incompetant moron. Like a lot of other mums out there I guess. As a result I have no mummy friends (I'm crap at making friends anyway tbh).

I also don't get why they insist you have to play with your DC the whole time you're there, surely my DD can't be the only one who would tell be to go away so she could do her own thing? What exactly is wrong with sitting on the sidelines, chatting to other mums and occasionally acting as a referee?

BTW I'd hate to have pick noodles, cooked or otherwise, out of DD's long thick hair....

I agree, I think it is to be encouraged, sitting around the edge with a cuppa. Parents of small children need all the sanity they can get. And mucking about with cold noodles trying to look hyperenthusiastic wouldn't do it for me, I don't know about the rest of you.

OP, some women are bullies and use the imposition of petty rules and regulations as a way of feeling superior.

I think you deserve a medal for taking three children under 4 anywhere

Ref the buggy thing. I realise it would be chaos if everyone took a buggy inside but surely they could make an exception for a sleeping newborn.

YANBU.

FWIW I've never had an issue with any Surestart groups I've been to.

That said, they've always been pretty unrelentingly middleclass and full of mums that are well versed in pretending to be being interested in watching kids play with baskets of random stuff.