in letting my child make a mess at a messy play session ?

[MyMessyChild]

Please be gentle with me, I am feeling a little down at the moment.

This morning I took three children under 4 years old including a breastfed baby. First time out with all three, as oldest is normally at school.

My 2 year old DD was being messy and carrying around the tray of cooked noodles in a basket. I told her to stop it and made her take the noodles back to the tray. A staff member told me off saying it was fine to make a mess that is what messy play was all about and I was not to worry about it.

Ten minutes later they asked me to take her shoes off as she was tracking noodles. Of course I said sorry and took the shoes off straight away.

Another ten minutes later she had took the bloody noddles into the hall, someone had left the door open, unknown to me. I had asked a friend to follow her, while I was breastfeeding the baby.

The head staff member told me off for letting her a mess and that I needed to clean up the mess myself rather than let her do it. I was so upset and embarrassed and the baby was crying as she still needed to be fed. So I packed up the children and left in tears.

In the interest of fairness I must add, I also took one closeup picture of my children with my new phone. I now know that is against the rules too, I put the phone away straight away. I was told that mobiles need to be turned off for the duration of the messy play session. So they were cross with me for that already.

I might be in the wrong, I don't know. However I am still angry at how they spoke and treated me, surely reducing a new mum to tears in front of other mothers can't be a good policy. I am a fairly confident happy mum and I have rules for my children and several strangers have commented on their good behaviour when out in public. They are no angels but not as terrible as the staff made out :(

I am never going back again, shame it was the only social thing for my toddler in the village but I can't go somewhere where I am treated so badly.

Last thing, why cooked noodles what a stupid thing for a messy play item, which is why I didn't want my DD playing with it in the first place :(

egh. Ofcourse it's nice when the parents join in, but for the whole 2 hours? Is that really necessary?

My mum took me and DSis to mum and toddler groups all the time when we were small and all the DC were left to get on with it while mums chatted about all the boring mum stuff. Everyone turned out ok AFAIK.

there's nothing very wrong with those mums-on-the-sideline-with-tea/coffee play groups exactly (and noone's saying it'll do anyone any harm FGS), its just that there's already tonnes of them, and not many of the type they do at the children's centre around for those of us who are sad enough to think that everything our PFP does is facinating and the most fun /funniest thing ever!

That's all I'm sayin. leave the children's centre messy play sessions be for those who want that kind of stuff eh?

Sorry sounds totally unprofessional of them tbh, they could handle it much better. How is it ok to reprimant adults, but not children, especially in front of their kids. Not on at all. As for the poster who said

"but there are LOTS and lots of play groups /classes where the mums stand around the walls with their tea or sit at the edge with their younger babies while older ones "go for it"

What's wrong with this! I am a STAHM with only one child, my dd and I play all day together, I expect she gets bored with me, its nice for her to interact on her own with her peers and develop her social skills. When she is at pre school she has to learn to play with others and interact without mother hovering over he.

I have already said there is nothing wrong with it, just that they are there, in abundance!

I love spending quality time with my DS at the children's centre sessions while he explores the different activities they have on there each week. I don't see why they should be turned into the same thing as so many other groups which don't suit everyone at all (they don't suit us)

the staff were tactless, but I think the way the groups are set up is good for people who don't find their niche in the other, more abundant, type of play group.

pigletmania - there's nothing wrong with the groups you describe at all, I suspect the stay and play type groups were set up for people like me when I had my first child, I couldn't have afforded to waste a packet of noodles that could have been tea that night being spread around the kitchen and I would have sobbed at the mess in our tiny flat.
The trouble is those that SS is aimed at can be found hanging around shopping centre's with their designer buggies all day and the mums that go to them usually interact with the children all day anyway. Hence the "workers" at SS have nothing better to do having not seen anything untoward to get their teeth into for months if at all.

They had the mum sitting on the sidelines ones for years. You could argue, if it aint broke don't fix it.

I love playing with my DD really I do, but I don't see why ANY mum needs/deserves to be treated like a naughty child who doesn't know what they are doing, infront of their own DC. Quite possibly by someone who doesn't have a scooby what they are talking about.

That's all I'm sayin.......

This is why i am not bothered about surestart funding being cut.

There are absolutely fab surestart centres that do a great deal and totally rubbish ones but they are all set up independently and the is no consistency.

saffy85 noone is saying that those groups should be changed, they are good for some, but just as those should be left for people who like them, so should the stay and play type SS ones.

why should there be just one type of play group? the chatting mums with teas/coffees ones didn't work for everyone in the past any more than they do now, lots of people opted out after trying and finding them a miserable experience, but luckily now there are more options.

changing your baby on the floor when there are facilities available is a bit urgh - isn't it normal to troop all your children with you to the baby change room?

buggies ought not to be inside the building because of the obstruction they would pose in the event of needing to evacuate the building; mock Elf n Safety as much as you like

YANBU about the rest

oneortwo that isn't what I said. Say these sessions are 2 hours long, that's 2 hours of most toddlers saying "mummmmeeee! go way I'm trying to do my game!"

Anyway I thought SS was meant for ahem "young clueless mums"* orignally? Most of the ones I know wouldn't be seen dead being told what to do by this lot so probably wouldn't use places like this.

The Health and Saftey issues I can kind of understand BUT where I am is the fact that they should have offered to help you, with your other 2 dcs, whilst you were sorting nappies etc.

I have run Surestart groups myself and would have been furious to find out any parent had been treated so appallingly.

I would definitely write a strongly worded letter to the head of local children's services to explain why you won't be attending again, and name names too, if you can.

I would email them as well to give feedback. I agree that the pram thing and changing thing were off of you but they definately could be kinder.

I attend sure start messy play with my two and am expecting DC3 in December. S/He will have to go in a sling while I follow the other two around and sort out mess. Ours are pretty strict on mess in one area too, and I don't blame them because they have to clear it all up afterwards (in hired hall so strict time limit too). They will however watch my kids if one needs the toilet.

I have given up on the 'stuff' front. I have nothing worth stealing now when I'm out and about, a rubbish old handbag with bare minimum in, anything valuable in my pockets. I just leave everything in my pram or dump it in a corner and forget about it. Nothing nicked yet but wouldn't be the end of the world if it was. I leave rain cover too. I would take coats in because expensive to replace. One less thing to worry about if you did that?

I also won't be going if my baby needs a feed, too much hassle.

I do think you should go back though, if that is the only thing in your village to go and do.