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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to keep Sundays free?

58 replies

emy72 · 27/10/2010 10:09

We have 4 children, eldest DD1 nearly 6 and youngest 13 months.

Our life is understandably manic and we seem to spend very little time together as a family, mainly due to the older two being at school AND being invited to playdates/parties/joining out of school clubs etc...and it's only going to get worse when the younger two start school!

Is it unreasonable to introduce a rule where SUNDAY for example is a day for family only and we don't accept any party invites or playdates or any activities involving only one member of the family?

I feel mean to do it, but I am finding that the younger two are getting to spend less and less time with their siblings and there isn't much time to bond as a family...any thoughts?

OP posts:
EveWasFramed72 · 27/10/2010 10:13

I support this decision wholeheartedly, and think it's a great idea, AS LONG AS you have some kind of plan. We do this with our DCs who are 4 and 3. Sundays are 'our' day together, but we usually spend a few hours in the morning at the local swimming baths, then have a traditional Sunday lunch(with which the DCs usually make a mess help). I find that if we don't DO something together, we are all bored and ratty with each other by the end of the day, which kind of defeats the purpose!

Original poster
emy72 · 27/10/2010 10:16

Thanks Evewasframed72, sounds like a great idea, that also gives everyone something to look forward to...glad to hear someone else does it!!

OP posts:
domesticsluttery · 27/10/2010 10:16

YANBU.

tjacksonpfc · 27/10/2010 11:23

YANBU but will you be able to keep it up in practise.

I have just looked at the calender and we havent got a sunday free for the next 5 weeks due to parties outside activities.

I would love to spend every sunday as a family as its the only day we are all here together. But I dont want to stop the dcs doing things they enjoy. Best of luck with it. Smile

Deliaskis · 27/10/2010 11:35

emy72, in theory I don't think YABU, but in reality, if people are involved in activities, a part of which may occasionally take up part of a Sunday, then it may be a bit U to not let them go (e.g. if one DC plays in a music group who then do a concert on a Sunday, or if one DC goes to Brownies/Scouts who occasionally have a parade on a Sunday). In this scenario, there is a risk that the rule could result in letting other people down which isn't really fair. I also think party invites (an event happening once) are different to playdates (which can happen anytime), as one can't be changed and the other can.

I think it's a nice idea though. I guess from the POV of a Brownie leader I get a little frustrated that so many families come up with 'excuses' for not doing the (twice a year) Sunday parade (non-religious) when they are happy to come to weekly Brownie activities, and fundays,camps, outdoor days etc. on Saturdays (and/or Sundays), as I feel that it's part of being a member of the group that they do the very occasional serious thing along with all the fun things. That's just me though, some people might not care.

It's your family though, and so you get to make the decisions that you think are best for you, just wanted to point out that it could have ramifications on other people or on activities that are normally done on another day of the week.

D

cat64 · 27/10/2010 11:43

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2rebecca · 27/10/2010 11:43

That seems unfair on the older kids, who are the ones most likely to suffer, and often "family" events can be arranged to suit the younger kids so older kids suffer twice.
I think if you have already arranged something then I wouldn't cancel it because 1 kid gets a party invite, but it seems a shame to stop the kids going to any parties.
Playdates are different as they can be arranged to suit the particular child so it's easy to say "no Sunday playdates"

I don't see why being a family means you all have to do the same thing every Sunday, but then we all have sporting hobbies that usually occur on Sundays. If we all had to trundle round theme parks together on Sundays I think we'd go mental.

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 11:46

Our Sundays are the most manic day of the week tbh

I think if you are going to ban activities/meeting up with friends and make Sundays family time, I would make an exception for party invites. Seems a shame to miss a friend's party and if friends come round to your place, it doesn't really disrupt your family life so I would let the older kids have friends round on Sunday.

pickledbabe · 27/10/2010 11:47

Sundays should be for church and family stuff.

so YANBU.

Deliaskis · 27/10/2010 11:47

I would also feel a bit Sad for the child who has to say 'sorry I'm not allowed to come to your birthday party (even though you're my bestest friend in the whole wide world), because it's a Sunday and we're not allowed to do things like that on Sundays'.

D

stubbornhubby · 27/10/2010 11:50

it's ridiculous, you can't simply refuse to do anything outside the family on a Sunday. Who knows what might crop up any particular weekend?

perhaps it will be something YOU want to do...

oneortwo · 27/10/2010 11:55

I don't understand why you would want to impliment this
If you make this rule you cant then go back on it for some things but not 'their' things

much better to take each weekend and judge it as it comes? so if you have something booked as a family, or if non family activities took up the last 2 weekends, its a no but otherwise its considered?

itsstillgood · 27/10/2010 12:13

I definitely see where you are coming from.
But also agree with others that missing parties and scout events etc is not fair.
I also think having a designated family day puts undue pressure on that time.
Personally my approach is that we do not commit to anything 'regular' at a weekend (no dance classes etc) and only do very irregular playdates.

Parties and add ons to regular activities are fine (boys are cubs/beavers and I'm a guider so over the year we chalk up quite a few parades/days out etc on a weekend).

Deliaskis · 27/10/2010 12:22

itsstillgood that's a good compromise I reckon.

D
[waves at fellow guider]

Original poster
emy72 · 27/10/2010 12:23

Hmmmm maybe I should just make sure we have at least one Sunday together then.

It's just that last Sunday was the first time since the Summer Holidays that we had a day as a family and we all had a great time.

It makes me realise how manic and relentless it can be and the little one seems to be dragged around or left behind, so it's not much fun for them! And they do miss their older siblings when they're at school...

But things are bound to change like someone said, so maybe see how it goes.......like pickledbabe said I grew up with Sundays being Church and family only and I guess that might be a slight influence on my view that we never do much as a family!!!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 27/10/2010 12:25

We don't do anything regular as we're divorced so kids not in the same place every weekends.
We try and let them attend parties etc if possible so they don't lose out through us being divorced.

Deliaskis · 27/10/2010 12:29

emy72, I think you're right that identifying a suitable Sunday (or any other day) maybe once a month would be more realistic. It's great that you had a lovely time last Sunday, but if it was enforced on every Sunday then you might not all have so great a time, especially as the kids get older.

Making a point of putting time aside for family things is generally A Good Thing though.

D

2rebecca · 27/10/2010 12:30

Why can't some of this family stuff be done on a Saturday?
If no-one works on a Saturday I don't see the difference.
I think doing stuff together can be great, but often small kids enjoy the company of older kids more than vice versa and it seems a shame to curtail the older ones' social life to keep the younger ones happy.

I don't understand parents who spend their weekends wizzing their kids from 1 organised activity to another though and would hate that sort of weekend.

We take each weekend as it comes.

cat64 · 27/10/2010 15:13

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Discowife · 27/10/2010 15:30

As long as they have saturdays free, i think it is a really nice idea. They may whinge a it... but I can tell you I don't remeber any of my friends birthday parties growing up. I do remeber the odd time my family made an effort though

Discowife · 27/10/2010 15:34

*whinge a bit

bigchris · 27/10/2010 15:38

I like a day a week when I don't leave the house Blush it's lovely not putting any makeup on, contacts in or going out clothes on

Stillcountingthewarlocks · 27/10/2010 15:39

I don't think this is unreasonable AT all.

I only have one dd and am tempted to implement it as the other six days of the week are so over-scheduled. (Everthing has to be "scheduled" if you have an only sadly)

It's not happening at the moment though because we have church on a Sunday followed by riding. Sometimes it's great and other times it would be nice to have a bit more flexibility.

And so what stubbornhubby if it is more for the op's benefit than anyone else? She has four children under six and that, in my book, more than entitles her to chill out on Sundays if that's her wish.

Emy72 If you don't arrange your life the way you want it, everyone else will do it for you, so pull up the draw-bridge on a Sunday if you want and don't feel guilty about it!!

Tootlesmummy · 27/10/2010 15:45

Emy, I think the principle is nice but I think as everyone has mentioned I think in practice I think it will stop certain events/activities which IMO would be wrong.

I think your DC will spend time together during the week and weekend, if you enforce it you could end up building up resentment.

Rhinestone · 27/10/2010 16:04

I think it's a great idea that just needs a bit of flexibility in practice.

Rather than designating every Sunday as family day, you could simply try and have a family event every week but vary the time. So if the weekends are busy then you have one weekday evening where you all make homemade pizza together for example or have a move night with popcorn and ice cream.

Or a family brunch on Saturday morning where Dad makes stacks of pancakes for everyone!

That way you still have weekly family time and your kids won't resent it as they grow older because it's additional to - not instead of - activities with friends.

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