To want to keep Sundays free?

[emy72]

We have 4 children, eldest DD1 nearly 6 and youngest 13 months.

Our life is understandably manic and we seem to spend very little time together as a family, mainly due to the older two being at school AND being invited to playdates/parties/joining out of school clubs etc...and it's only going to get worse when the younger two start school!

Is it unreasonable to introduce a rule where SUNDAY for example is a day for family only and we don't accept any party invites or playdates or any activities involving only one member of the family?

I feel mean to do it, but I am finding that the younger two are getting to spend less and less time with their siblings and there isn't much time to bond as a family...any thoughts?

I don't think the concept of setting aside time for family is unreasonable but I think you might be creating a headache for yourself in practice if you limit this to Sundays. Unless of course you are religious and the day has particular meaning for you. I think the suggestion of taking it week by week was a good one and maybe making Saturday family day some times if Sunday isn't possible. :)

Bek x

Stubborn Hubby - you seem to be completely misunderstanding HulaBaby

Never have I read Hulababy say that that they 'enforce' anything.

My understanding of what Hb has said and please Hb step in if I'm misunderstanding.

-She and her DH have decided that they (the parents themselves) will not commit to anything regular on a weekend - joint decision and irregular things fine

• Regular activities DD has requested to do so far can all take place on a weekday so do.

-The primary motivation is not to 'enforce' any sort of 'family time' but to allow flexibility.

I have exactly the same approach as Hulababy.
If there is an alternative to commiting to a regular weekend activity we will. And most activities (apart from group sports which luckily don't appeal to mine) have weekday alternatives.

Our reasons are very similar to Hulababy's I think.

• Practically, we have no family nearby so are either away visiting or have visitors a lot of weekends. So either all the family, inc grandparents, miss out as we can't see them except in holidays or they miss a lot of the activity sessions.
• Other activities they are involved in Cubs, Guides, Drama - have odd weekend events, trips, shows etc. If we already had commitments elsewhere they would have to miss these or the weekend activity.
• In terms of family time over the next six weekends - we have 1 party, 3 cubs events, 3 guide events, visitors one weekend and 2 weekends away. Oldest will also go out and about locally with friends. So not a huge amount of 'family time' anyway.
• Policy isn't rigid and if they did want to do something regularly on a weekend then we would try and accomodate it, but they would have to accept they will miss some parties, camping trips and days out with grandparents and all the other stuff that fills our weekends.

I must also say I don't think that actually commiting to something on a weekend is necessarily bad for 'family time' it depends on how you perceive it.
Until recently my nephew played football nearly every weekend and all the family would go along to watch.
Going to the Rememberance Day Parade in this house classes as a family outing.
The trouble comes when you have too many commitments, with the kids all doing different things and parents running around as a taxi service.

itsstillgood - yes, that is pretty much it, and it always works well for us so far.

I give up stubbornhubby - you are deliberately, imo, chosing to ignore most of what I write and not read what I am saying at all.

My DD is 8y so yes, on the whole it is a parent's decision. If and when something scomes up will shall discuss it as a family.

ctually this has happened a little with swimming as DD is missing so many first thing on a Saturday as we go away so much. We have discussed it with DD, as a family, and have decided to cancel next term for a while,but for DD to have some private lessons in holidays and she will also have school lessons starting in Jan. Family decision.

There is currently no activity that my 8y DD needs to do at a weekend.

I repeat: we go away A LOT at weekends. Why would we pay for a regular activity that she would miss so much of? DD prefers at present to go awa with us at a weekend - she actually does enjoy going to visit and stay with friends and family. She gets far more out of seeing her cousins and family friend's childrens than she does from playing some sport - at the moment. We will monitor as she gets older.

re you always so rigid in the belief that what you do in your family is the only way to do things? Do you never accept that others may chose to live their life differently and actually enjoy it and for it to work for them?

And you do realise that it isn't just my family with this kind of way of doing things either? Others on this thread so similar so why you have decided to pick up on mine I don't know.

Your way of doing things wouldn't work for us - we'd hardly get to see out family and friends, and DD's family and friends. But it works for you, that's fab. But now let us live our life as suits us, hey?

"weekly house arrest "

LOL. See, not reading the posts at all!!! As said before, weare hardly ever in at a weekend!

Another tip for weekends if the dcs have parties, is to "team up" with another family. My friend has 3 dcs and I have 2 dds. Our two oldest often are invited to the same party. We take turns to take them, does us both a favour.

If she can take them when I am working it helps me because otherwise dh would have no one to leave dd2 with. And she loves it if I take them as it means her two youngest get to have their nap and she has a bit of time to herself. :) We don't have a rigid arrangement, just what suits on each occasion.

Also if it is a rainy weekend sometimes I have her dd over as she is a lovely little girl and my two are entertained by her.

We do try and have one or two weekend days per month where not too much outside activity takes place.

I love it when my children have stuff outside The Family to do at weekends. It points up the contrast with my own childhood, where my sister and I were confined to The Family - certainly for Sunday Walks, an event of shuddersome horror - every damn Sunday till we reached teenagerhood and cut loose.

Just a different perspective on it...

Every Sunday seems rigid - why not have sunday morning or afternoon according to what else comes up?

Do you actually enjoy a whole day of family time every week?

I am guessing that as your kids get older it will become a bone of contention!

I think it works in theory, but in practice you need to be a bit more flexible.

We get a season pass for somewhere nice each year (zoos, farm parks, houses and activity gardens - that kind of thing) and try to do that 'as a family' on a Sunday afternoon, so I wouldn't book in any regular hobbies or classes on a sunday.

But that said, I do find that things do come up on a sunday from time to time. When DD did her ballet show, all the rehearsals were on a Sunday, and I wouldn't make her miss out on doing the show with her friends, because of the day the rehearsals are scheduled on. Likewise, she has got a gym comp coming up on a Sunday, and I won't make her miss that either. If there's a party on a Sunday, they go to those too - after all, parties only last a few short years, and most of the time you can just drop off / pick up, and even share that with a friend!

So we have no regular commitments on a Sunday, but if something came up, I wouldn't say no just because it was on a Sunday - after all, if I was invited on a friend's spa day on a Sunday, I'd go! So I wouldn't make the children miss out either.

That said, I find we do have most Sundays free, parties etc only come up every so often now that DD1 is getting older.