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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my stepdad should watch his bloody mouth

65 replies

lissieloucifer · 27/10/2010 08:32

Im fuming. i have a very uneasy relationship with my parents, i moved out of home at 14 because my stepdad was abusive. I went on my first diet at 6 and was anorexic from age 9. because of things he and my mum would say to me. he upset me on saturday by telling me to stop moaning about my teitze's (a condition which forces my ribs out from the sternum/back and is shockingly painful) we'd already arranged to go over to theirs yesterday because of 1/2 term.

I was sitting on the computer chair and ds was next to me, i moved the chair and bumped into ds's (5) foot. I apologised. my stepdad came in and said "ooo, did mummy hurt you? we'll have to call child protection, put mummy in jail. do you think you'll go into care?" ds was upset.

2 of my cousins have been arrested for neglect/child abuse, and ds has met the children. he is quite sensitive and even without that... it was a shitty thing to say.

ds woke up in the night sobbing and shouting because of it. he had a bad dream and woulnt let go of me. ended up in our bed clinging onto me. he has never done that before.

fucking wanker. AIBU to ring him up and give him a piece of my mind? I am still scaed of him now, but noone upsets my boy like that.

OP posts:
lissieloucifer · 28/10/2010 23:17

well, they have rung me 4 (yes.. FOUR) times since yesterday afternoon. to see how i am, how ds is. if i need to go to the hospital (hurt hand) blah blah blah... standing strong. I am blunt, polite and practically arctic.

OP posts:
duchesse · 28/10/2010 23:46

That means that you are in a position of power over them. Use it wisely, young padawan lissie.

lissieloucifer · 28/10/2010 23:50

yes master theres a first time for everything i suppose!

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Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 00:03

Lissie-I have tietzes too- you're the first person I've come across like me!!! People are shockingly ignorant about it and how painful it really is.
I think I would stop contact tbh- he sounds like a horrible mean old man who is not worth knowing you and your family

lissieloucifer · 29/10/2010 00:08

hedgeblunder, really? ive not met anyone else either. how long have you had it? does it affect your day to day life much? i find people dont get just how hard it is to do "normal" things like go shopping without brining on a flare up. it affects every rib in my case, at both spine and sternum. not nice.

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Meow75 · 29/10/2010 00:22

Telephoning with the line that you posted earlier ("You ruined my life ..."), gives them far too much power and knowledge of how much they have/can hurt you.

Don't hand them that power on a plate, FGS. For proof that you now hold all the power, look at how many times they've called.

Rinse and repeat "I'm fine thanks, but really busy at the moment. Gotta go. Thanks for calling, bye." polite, succinct, but passing on no information whatsoever. They will either give up (win) or start treating you and behaving properly (win).

Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 00:26

Yes!! How weird! I started with it at 13- got tested for asthma and all sorts, diagnosed at 17 finally!
It is incredably difficult to control, ie found my triggers are manual labour(lifting/carrying), cold weather, stress/high blood pressure what about you?. It really does knock you out doesnt it? I find it really difficult to breathe when I'm having an episode, and have passed out a few times when it's gotten too much.
My parents were very very unsympathetic, my mum understood finally when she read some things online. Apparently alot of older people think they're actually having a heart attack it's so painful.
I hope you dot mind me asking but did it affect you giving birth? It's really worrying me at the moment!

Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 00:27

Sorry I'm 27 now sooo 14 years :)

lissieloucifer · 29/10/2010 00:34

meow, youre right. i shall stand strong.

hedgeblunder, mine developed after ds was born, but i have v weak bones anyway. its stopped me working now because its so bloody painful, i get (on average) a flare up every 5w and it lasts 3w i now hve huge knobs on my chest and my shoulders are practically bent in on themselves, as you said, lots of people dont get it. i had one flare up that caused me to throw up and pass out, i thought i was dying. are you under a cons? ds affected my ribs v badly, pushed them out and cracked one (he was big and im small)

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Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 10:51

No I'm not far along enough at the moment, even doctors I've spoken to have to google it!the lumps are horrible aren't they?you poor thing, the broken ribs must have been extremely painful on top of it all.
I couldn't work a few years ago either, although it's more managed now so I just have to be very aware of getting into 'trigger' situations. I've read alot of people get it in puberty, but I suppose the hormones of pregnancy could start it off for sure.
Do you think you will be able to have more chidren with it?(I'm sorry if that's really nosy!)
I'm very small too - 5ft and 7 1/2 stone, so I'm pretty scared of getting huge!
Have you managed to identify any triggers at all? I started keeping a diary of the flare ups to sort of see what made it worse etc. I've managed to get it down to a few days every month or so now.
Hope you're ok this morning x

lissieloucifer · 29/10/2010 10:59

you need to speak to your cons and make sure they get the sizes right, ds was 9lb4 and i measured 42w at 38w, but there are other issues.

my flare ups can be started by carrying more than one bag, exercise, sitting on computer too long, stress and if i get a cold... game over. its v frustrating, im trying to avoid injections atm.

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Mumi · 29/10/2010 11:05

Backing off rather than confronting is the best decision you could've made, but not always an easy one, I know.
Have a hug (a very gentle one as I know how painful Tietze's can be!)

:)

Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 11:56

Yup I'm trying to avoid the injections too!one thing I've found that helps a little bit it slapping on loads of ibuprofen gel, then wrapping a banage around then a vest over to try and keep the heat in. It doesn't stop it but it's a little bit of relief when it's bad.
Thanks I will definitly raise it, I just want to make sure that if I have a natural delivery that everyone understands that I may not be able to carry on if it gets too much (ie- I don't want to pass out, I'd rather have a csection than put myself in a point of no return if it's bad.)
You're so right about having a cold too- the sneezing and coughing are eye watering!X

lissieloucifer · 31/10/2010 09:34

well, they rang yesterday and were really arsey, so much for me having the upper hand/them being sorry. now i feel like i shold immediately plead with them to forgive me. Im so pathetic. [hsad] and to make things worse, ribs are horrendous again today.

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bintofbohemia · 02/11/2010 08:13

Don't plead - ignore!

I know how you feel and sorry you're having such a rough time with it.

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