Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renewal of vows after nine months of marriage?

106 replies

BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 15:12

There is an article in the Laydee section of the Times today about the current vogue for having Vow Renewal ceremonies.

Apparently the Black Swan Hotel at Helmsley, North Yorkshire have launched a £2,500 wedding vow renewal package.

You get a certificate and everything.

One couple are renewing their vowa after nine months of marriage because they had 140 people to their first wedding and it was "Too big. So we decided to have another one."

AIBU to think Hmm?

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 25/10/2010 15:32

Well, if it has meaning for them, and they're not making their family and friends fork out for a second batch of toasters, then no big deal really. They probably felt really pushed into the big wedding and felt it wasn't very much to do with them just the family and a load of other people's expectations.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 25/10/2010 15:33

Any excuse for a party! Grin

Original poster
BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 15:33

According to relate, the average length of a marriage now is 11 years. Shock

OP posts:
anonymousbrainsnatcher · 25/10/2010 15:34

BalloonSlayer - I am probably very naiive, but had never even thought of "only renew because broken" but I see what you mean.

I just want to do it because it's 12 years since the big day, we have two DC to "celebrate" the arrival of (no christenings) and we haven't had a bit of a do in absolutely years..... so just thought renewing vows could be a part of all that for us really. Mind you just about to spend a squillion pounds on doing up the house, so suspect this may have to wait a year/decade/century or two!

Avantia · 25/10/2010 15:37

Renewal of vows in our house

DH : Do you love me ?
me : of course I do
DH: and you will do anything for me ?
me: of course (knowing whats coming )
DH : Well go make a cup of tea then !

I could think of better ways of spending £2,500 in this day and age .

TotorosOcarina · 25/10/2010 15:37

I would,

I got married almost 3 years ago, I would renew my vows if I could,

I hated my wedding day, have no photos up of it, we don't celebrate the day.

I'd like to do it again to have a day to remember.

TotorosOcarina · 25/10/2010 15:38

Would NOT pay £2,500 though

would be ceremony and home for a cuppa and cake :)

shimmerysilverghosty · 25/10/2010 15:38

Well my in laws have had theirs done three times since I have known them (8 years) in various "romantic" locations. Personally I think that MIL is very insecure because FIL if a out and out knobber so thinks if she can keep getting him to do this then it must mean he really DOES love her after all.

InWithTheITCrowd · 25/10/2010 15:38

Dh and I renewed our vows after 10 months - but that was because our actual marriage was a civil service and dh (who was christian at the time) wanted a service in church too. We did it after 10 months, as that was dh's 25th birthday - we didn't invite anyone to the church (except parents) but had a party ostensibly for dh's birthday, afterwards.
It didn't cost anyone anything, and we had our reasons.
I think it's unreasonable to judge other people's choices when you don't know why. Surely it's up to them?

shimmerysilverghosty · 25/10/2010 15:39

is not if

Talker2010 · 25/10/2010 15:40

Each to their own
A friend of mine got married in the reg office at 7 mths pregnant with just a small number of people
They re-newed on their first anniversary and had a big party

So in that case I thought it was nice ... otherwise I would not be doing it but ... then again ... I look at some weddings and they are full of things that I would not do

Original poster
BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 15:42

Sadly it used to be the only reason I had ever heard of anyone doing it. A lady I worked with, her husband had had an affair, they had been through a dreadful time, nearly got divorced, then tried again. She had thrown her rings at him and they had gone in the Thames or something so they decided to get new rings* and then have a renewal of vows.

After that I had heard of people having them to celebrate their silver wedding or some other milestone anniversary.

A couple in this article had been married for 9 years and had a very small wedding first time round. But they also said that, as the husband's mum had died, the wife's parents had split up and they had moved house twice they were "showing everyone that they had got through a lot." Personally I would not put moving house in that category but hey.

  • if you ever lose your wedding ring you can get your new one blessed and it's the same bit as in the wedding service "With this ring..." etc. It's lovely Smile
OP posts:
Shaddapayaface · 25/10/2010 15:43

Vows are vows you take to mean them- for life! Unless you break them why do you need to renew them?

Original poster
BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 15:45

I can see why people would want to do the Church bit if they had got married in the register office, if they are religious. The vows are completely different.

OP posts:
LynLiesNomoreZombieFest · 25/10/2010 15:45

I wanted to renew my vows on my 25th anniversary, but DH said people would think we had broken them. I thought it was just an excuse.

A bit strange after 9 months, maybe they were disappointed with their first wedding.

saffy85 · 25/10/2010 15:48

11 years? That's just sad.

I do think it's a lovely idea though. My friend gor married 4 years ago and I know she would love to do it all again as didn't have the day she wanted (far to busy people pleasing). I totally understand that, but if it was me I'd wait for a landmark like say an anniversary.

scaryteacher · 25/10/2010 15:49

Strange, the Relate stats; my pils have been married 51 years, we have been married 24, my bil and wife 21, my db and his wife 16, my parents managed 28 and most couples I know have made it past 20 years and still going strong.

Original poster
BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 15:51

Yes but your family has unfortunately been twinned with Jordan and Patsy Kensit.

OP posts:
FluffyDonkey · 25/10/2010 15:53

We would like to re-live our wedding day as it was perfect Grin

Can't see the point in re-newing vows, unless as a PP said, they have been broken.

Friends of ours got married young and had to do it on the cheap. They are planning a big do on their 10th anniversary but will not renew vows...just throw a huge party for friends and family.

scaryteacher · 25/10/2010 15:59

You don't mean my family do you? Yeuch to Jordan and PK.

Chil1234 · 25/10/2010 16:00

Having a 'vow renewal package' does rather smack of cynical marketing. Creating a need for something that you didn't think you needed. OK in it's place but hope it never gets to the stage where anyone feels obliged or pressurised to do it to just for the sake of 'keeping up with the Jones's'.

Chil1234 · 25/10/2010 16:00

its (hate doing that)

Original poster
BalloonSlayer · 25/10/2010 16:03

I meant counteracted, not twinned, duh!

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 25/10/2010 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleRedPumpkin · 25/10/2010 16:08

Well, I wouldn't spend that money, but if they can afford it, is it a problem?

I loved my wedding but it had to be a particular kind of Church ceremony that has little religious value for me (DH and MIL loved it, and I love them, so I was happy to do it). And to be honest, although I loved the day, it was stressful and my mum behaved fairly badly. I could understand someone else going through similar and feeling almost as if they had not been properly married. So I have some sympathy.

I know someone who got married for the third time, and she had a very tiny registry office do, then several months later when their friends/family had got used to the idea of a third marriage, they had a bigger celebration. That's lovely too.