to refuse to sponsor a relative who is doing one of those charity holiday excursions for a charity of their choice

[activate]

am torn

we tithe our family income (we set aside 10% we have ongoing child sponsorships plus select specific charities on an annual basis)

a relative is doing one of those pay a holiday charity arranger x thousand pounds to take part in some marathon walk / bike ride and is expecting me to donate

the charity is a religious one and we are atheists - we would not choose a religious charity ever even though they do good

so AIBU

Activate, by tithing you are already doing more than a lot of people, particularly as this form of giving is very effective and helps charities enormously (they can plan their spending as they have some knowledge of confirmed income) - I am gradually moving towards a full tithe with my own income, although for me it is guided by Christian principles.

It's entirely appropriate to have your own reasons for supporting/not supporting charities, and perfectly fine to decline any polite requests (NOT demands) for sponsorship. Like many posters here, I don't feel comfortable with helping to financially support a person's trip to Peru, China etc and eventually defriended someone on FB when practically every post was a demanding shriek for more money for a charity cycle ride they were doing.

As a cancer survivor I'm another one who won't give to CRUK - for one thing I hated those bloody "I shouldn't be here" ads. There are many, many deserving cancer charities.

Maybe when you decline the request, you could politely explain the benefits of tithing and your approach to it.

Can I ask why you don't give to Cancer Research UK? I give generously to the Irish equivalent, in memory of my beloved parents.

Just wondering?

YANBU at all
Firstly it sounds as though you are both conscientious and very generous with your existing charitable contributions
Second, people should pay for their own bungee jump/himalayan trek/experience of a lifetime. Charities may well raise money out of the process, but, bluntly, not as much as if the money spent on the trip went to the good cause too.

Yanbu, if she wants to do a sponsored walk/run/bike-ride can she not do it in this country? It would save on expenses and she would be able to give money to her charity.

Yanbu- I cannot bare these holidays disgusied as charity, it's totally vile imvho.
I would just say you've already picked your charities ths year

Yanbu

Thank you all - I am feeling better about the decision now - although this post was after the fact as I was taken aback by a "I'll send you the bank details to make it easy to sponsor me" and I just went "Hell no, I choose my own charities thank you" (so my approach could have been improved upon I think )

I should add that the "religious charity" is a specific local old age / care home for those of a specific religion and hence my total discomfort

I wouldn't sponsor someone to go on one of these trips. Tbh I think it's sad that people will only raise money if that charity pays for their 'trip of a lifetime'. If they were a true supporter of that charity they wouldn't want the charity to fund their expenses.

Lady, I don't know about the Irish charity so my reservations about the British one may not be appropriate. As others have said, further up the thread, CRUK spends quite a bit of its income on fundraising - I prefer to give to charities that spend more directly on the "core" mission if you see what I mean. I also particularly disliked an advertising campaign they did in the UK, but as you are in ROI, then you may not have seen it. Everyone has their own reasons for charity selection and I always research v carefully before donating - the Charity Commission website is helpful as you can look up expenditure and so on.

OP it's up to you if you wish to sponsor or not. I think it looks like you'd prefer not to, and that is, of course, your prerogative, and you are already very generous with your charity donations, so given that you're not a religious person, I think it's the sensible decision.

However, can I point out to some others that not all of these things are 'jollies'. My daughter has just returned from Brazil, from a trip which was set up through her place of work. She and her colleagues renovated a school in a local village, including extending and rebuilding part of the school, installing proper plumbing, plastering, painting, etc. To do this cost her just shy of £2000 of her own money (actually some of it was mine, but that's a different story ), and in the process she raised over £4000 for Cancer Research UK. This wasn't through asking for donations - she did this by setting up fundraising activities and so everyone who did 'donate' received either something tangible, or had a good time!

So she was able to help people at home with cancer (as a two-time survivor myself, this is very close to my heart), and on a more personal level she saw the reaction of the children in the village where she worked to the work she and her colleagues had done. I think she felt it was worth every penny, and the sacrifices she has made in the past six months or so (all girls like new clothes don't they?) have been worthwhile.

YANBU OP. These charity treks can have devastating environmental effects on the (often poor) countries they take place in. Look at the Inca trail and the pollution around Everest base camp (I realise not all treks to these two places are for charity but by participating it, non-profits do environmental issues a great disservice.)

YANBU....I would also never support a charity that was based on religion and would feel quite comfortable to say so.

I hate sponsored charity events -- even though I have occasionally done them (arm-twisted behind my back by someone), but I still think they are naff and find myself resenting them enormously!!!

I especially hate the ones where the fund-raiser has to spend a huge amount just to travel somewhere and pay for their food and lodging. Why not just donate the amount they would have to pay out for travel/lodging/food direct to the cause and then campaign separately for extra donations, having shown how important the cause is to them with their initial large donation.

I don't like to donate just so that they can have an extra-feel good factor during their holiday .

YANBU. Even in the cases where the person seeking sponsorship does something useful in a developing country, I still feel any money they have managed to save up/gather from donations would be far better spent paying local workers to do the work, and benefit the local economy, rather than young first world volunteers doing it for free.

HATE being asked to sponsor in this way generally.

scuttlebutter - just out of interest, why didn't you like CRUK's advertising campaign? Was it the 'i shouldn't be here' one?

I found it quite moving but should say that I have not been directly affected by cancer. I'm not trying to stir trouble...just genuinely wondering why some people (and obviously not just you) felt uncomfortable about it?

Selfishmum, I hated it because I am a cancer survivor. I have never felt "I shouldn't be here" - quite the reverse - I like being here very much. What I especially dislike though was the intrusiveness of the advertising - as a cancer survivor I don't spend my life thinking about it, and then suddenly while watching a TV programme, an advert comes on that blatantly and horribly stirs up all sorts of emotions about how lucky I am to be alive, should be grateful and therefore will immediately rush out to deliver pots of wonga to CRUK. While I am just quietly trying to get on with my life, that can be disturbing, intrusive and frankly bloody annoying.

Cancer ads (like RSPCA ones, and NSPCC) are very carefully calibrated to extract the maximum amount of income from target donors - I'm sure it played well with the focus groups. There are other cancer charities to whom I continue to give to and am very happy to support.

YANBU

My place of work raises money for a different charity every couple of years. So we constantly have people doing things for these charities. I don't object but i just think donating shouls be voluntary and not rammed down your throat. Every week there's another email from another staff member, I'm cycling to paris, I'm trekking in iceland, walking the great wall or china, doing a sky dive .....SPONSOR ME NOW! Then there are a million follow ups.

I looked into it and found out that only 50% of the money raised goes the charity, the rest pays for a freebie holiday for that person. The cycle trip to paris includes a free night out in paris to celbrate your victory and a free trip home on eurostar FFS.

I donate to three different charities of my choosing and I would have no problem telling someone no and why.

ahh right, yes, i can see where you're coming from...it sort of implies you should spend rest of your life being grateful and treasuring every second...when in fact you are normal person and get as pissed off with life as the next person...see what you mean!

Yes, it nearly drove me mad, especially just after my immediate diagnosis, since I was concerned about recoccurrence, so agonised every day about whether every second was well spent. I still do to some extent but am much better than I used to be. There is still a huge expectation with cancer survivors that because we've had a brush with mortality we are all now busy seizing the moment,sniffing the flowers and enjoying every sunset in a deep and meaningful way. Actually for me it's a treat not to and just to ahve an ordinary peaceful day sometimes. And to think about something very non noble like nail varnish!

Maybe you should donate - a very small sum such as 87p or £1.23 if you are feeling generous maybe Or something specific such as the price of a first class stamp or a pint of beer.

By actively giving such a small amount it is sort of showing exactly what you think of what it is your relative is doing...

You can say that you have given, she can hardly demand more, you will have a chance to have a chuckle at the thought of their face as they see what you have given and you will be able to have a decent conversation with them about why you do not want to support their holiday or their charity.

YANBU.

I went and did a volunteering project in Africa for my gap year but I worked my arse off in a crappy job to pay for it. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking people to fund me.

Sounds like you're already extremely generous so don't feel obliged to this person.

I resent being asked for sponsorship money to pay for something someone wants to do anyway (sky diving/ fixing roofs in africa etc). I get the point of really sacrificing someting for a good cause, but there isn't much of that any more. Even people running the marathon seem to be doing it mainly for their own gains.

I prefer what some people I know did. They were doing a sponsored bike ride in africa for a charity and they decided that they would't ask anyone to give them money for nothing. They spent the year doing jobs for people, cooking & cleaning up for friends diner parties, organised a dance etc, all to raise money for their trip.

I would just donate a small amount direct to the charity that will benefit and let the relative pay for their own holiday. The whole thing is a scam.

I remember being asked by someone I worked with to sponsor him on about 20 years ago when this kind of thing was less common. He told me all about the charity and I thought it was a good cause but then I figured out that it was really just him and his mates, all very wealthy 'trust fund kids'. who wanted to drive across the Saharah Desert on a jolly paid for by other people. I refused and he got shirty and started demanding to know if I didnt think it was a good charitable cause etc.

I explained he had every right to put £100 of his own money to the charity and pay for his own holiday. That shut him up.

You think I should donate directly to the charity when I would not choose that charity myself? Why should I do that?

YANBU. You are already very generous. I completely agree with the hatred the sponsored holiday thing (and I say that as someone who lived and worked for an NGO in Africa for 3 years). And of course you don't need to give money directly to a charity you're not keen on.