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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH been out till nearly 8am, am fuming :(

49 replies

hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 15:11

'D'H and I Have been together about 10 years, are both in our 30's and have a 2 small DC.
I work shifts so weekends off al together are a bit of a treat and I really look forward to them, even if it means just a walk in a park etc.
Now I am a bit past going out all the time, obv working shifts and childcare, I'm much more of a home bird, however DH lves going out and. Wiu,d go to the opening of an envelope and his nights out which to be fair are not usually every weekend become his priority, regardless of financial circumstances or childcare.

He has always had a strained relationship with his brother, however in recent months they have rekindled their relationship which aim really happy about as i do like BIL and his fiancée.

Now this is the sticky issue DH has been out with BIL for the last 3 sat nights out of the last 4, each time coming home from a club at 6am. Clearly the following day be just lays on the sofa looking like death and I'm left to get on the kids alone.
Last nit I was working to the wee hours and DH Had a stag do to go to. I expected him to be ready to come home when I wou,d be finishing SOSs I left work I called him to offer him a lift to save money - no answer. Cue me going home and worrying about him ( he gets really laity when he is out drinking and often gets peoples backs up with his drunkenness) and I was worried he might have got into a bad situation. And no I'm nit been silly, I won't go out with him when he's drinking as he a makes fun of me in front of people for laughs and even his family/ friends describe him as a handful when he's drinking.
So DCs were away for the night and I am awake on and off all niggt worrying, cue his appearance at 7.40am. He just gets ink bed. I check my phone for the time a d ask him where he's been to whi h he says he's been with his DB then they went back to girl friends of DB till he brought him home.

I went mad, told him he ws disrespectful and that I was t happy.

He's been laid on the sofa since 11 Am where he still is now, umming and arrggghhh at the DCs when they talk to him and ive been upset hiding upstairs cos I don't want the kids to see me upset.
He's said sorry, but he always says sorry, he's not bloody sorry, he thinks sorry is the magic word and he cant behave like a single man, and say sorry and that's that.

AIBU to tell him to Fuck off out of my face until he can show he has his priorities straight?

Now I have to go work, all upset and we have just wasted a day with the kids.
by the way, I don't think he is seeing anyone else, but he does of,teem overstep boundaries when he is out.

He just thinks I am sulking, and I will come round, I'd li,e to just throw him out tbh Sad

OP posts:
hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 15:13

Sorry for typos, usong my phone and rushing.

OP posts:
Tortington · 24/10/2010 15:14

tell hi to kiss your arse, the sorry fucking excuse for a father and partner. arsewipe

dementedma · 24/10/2010 15:16

YANBU. His behaviour is unacceptable.

Tootlesmummy · 24/10/2010 15:18

Hopper it sounds to me like he doesn't have his priorities straight so I think he needs a kick up the arse.

I think it is unreasonable to go out 3 weekends out of 4 and to then waste the following day with a hangover.

Can you have a sensible discussion with him and agree what's reasonable? i.e. 2 nights a month but he has to be home by x time?

Before he got in touch with his brother how often did he go out and what time would he come home?

RunawayPumpkin · 24/10/2010 15:18

And you stay with this arsehole because????

2rebecca · 24/10/2010 15:19

If he was out until 6am the last 3 Saturdays then unless you discussed with him the fact that you don't like doing all the childcare on a Sunday because he's too wasted, him staying out until 8am doesn't seem that much of a big deal.

It sounds as though the problem here was that you didn't agree the ground rules before he went out. I'm not sure why you were worried about him all night if he'd been out until 6 the previous 3 Saturdays.

Agree this isn't a good Saturday night habit for a married man with kids to get into if he wishes to stay married.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 24/10/2010 15:20

I would be absolutely livid. And if he is 'lairy' when drunk and antagonistic then I'd venture to say he has a problem with drink. He has a problem with a lot of things actually.

Sorry isn't just a word. If he's sorry then he'll show it by changing.

Going out, having a good time, enjoying yourself is fine. Leaving your partner worried, not communicating and being unable to tolerate his children because of his poor decisions is something else entirely.

atah · 24/10/2010 15:22

Sounds like he wants to be single and sounds like you would be better off single. What an awful weekend for you, he is a selfish, thoughtless, imature, drunken pig and you don't deserve to spend all night worrying about him.

glammanana · 24/10/2010 15:31

No female involved ? are you sure, it stinks of a man wanting to be single dont put up with it,trust me it will get worse,hope you are strong enough to put up with the
behaviour and the extra workload it is making over your weekends with dcs

hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 15:31

I didn't know ge would end up with his DB as he said he was going x place with stag party, but he actually left them to go to different town to meet his DB so if I knew he was meeting him I wouldn't have been worried so much, but he didn't tell me that's what he planned, also not at all impressed with him going back to this girls house when he could have come home

OP posts:
onceamai · 24/10/2010 15:35

Goodness Hoppershopper - suggestions for jobs for tomorrow: 1. Find a good solicitor, 2. Change the locks. Hope things get better for you.

2rebecca · 24/10/2010 15:35

I thought "this girl" was his brother's fiance though?
Suspect she wasn't too impressed with having a couple of drunks turn up at her place in the small hours.

atah · 24/10/2010 15:36

I am with glamma are you really sure? Can you find out more about last night.
What about DB's fiancee how does she feel about their nights out?

hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 15:43

No BIL fiancée wasn't out BIL was out for a friends (girl) birthday and they went back to hers

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 24/10/2010 15:44

Yanbu and tbh I would kick his sorry arse out.

Fwiw the only times I have stayed out until stupid o'clock was when I was shagging someone or when I was off my face on more than alcohol. (Long time ago before I get flamed)

atah · 24/10/2010 15:45

So the fiancee is left at home too until breakfast time 3 sunday mornings out of 4 ?

shimmerysilverghosty · 24/10/2010 15:47

Don't most men do this? My ex certainly did, he was just as you describe your dh op. He never changed, we are not together anymore. I honestly don't know what you can do when someone is like this, do they ever change? Has anyone on here ever successfully managed to get an errant dh to see the error of their ways?

I know just how you feel op, I used to feel murderous listening to ex brushing the dc off because he felt rough, awful to hear and see your kids being treated like that.

phipps · 24/10/2010 15:51

I don't know anyone who would do this. Most married men are grown ups and come home at a respectable time and don't expect to be looked after while they doss on the sofa with a sore head.

atah · 24/10/2010 15:53

IME (which is a lot) Grin most men don't do this!!

Heracles · 24/10/2010 15:55

Yeah! Tell her to change the locks or that he's seeing someone else, that'll help. Kick him out! Your kid's will only thank you in the long run.

Talk to him, not the day after he's been out, but midweek when he'll be more receptive and you can explain how upset it's making you.

minibmw2010 · 24/10/2010 15:57

Hmm, no shimmerysilverghosty most men do not do this, at least not good loving husbands/fathers/boyfriends .. My DH definitely doesn't and I don't know of any family or friends DH's who do either, they prefer to spend time with their wives/girlfriends and families and enjoy time together. That is the norm in my opinion and should be.

GeekOfTheWeek · 24/10/2010 15:59

IMO/E the kids probably will thank her in the long run as he isn't exactly a good father.

A blow out once in a while would be different but every weekend?

cakewench · 24/10/2010 16:00

most men? god no. Though they'd really like you to think so! I suppose the "everyone else is doing it" line doesn't change with age for some of them. Grin

Lulumaam · 24/10/2010 16:00

no, most men don't do this.

DH has the occasional big night out, but is back in the wee small hours, keeps me posted when he'll be back and if he's going to be later than expected.

being out of contact, out til the next morning and then being incapable of being involved in family life are all horrible things.. once a blue moon, fine, but 3 out of 4 weekends is not

and the cost of drinking all night? Shock

you're right , sorry is easy to say, acutally changing behaviour is the real test

tegan · 24/10/2010 16:02

He really needs to sort out his priorities and choose between his family and his social life,

Dh and i never go out, unless it is a special occasion, hen, stag or birthday do, and then never on the same night.

I have worked out in 6 years i have been out 5 times and dh 3. Sad i know but we don't have the money, childcare or even want to be apart