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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH been out till nearly 8am, am fuming :(

49 replies

hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 15:11

'D'H and I Have been together about 10 years, are both in our 30's and have a 2 small DC.
I work shifts so weekends off al together are a bit of a treat and I really look forward to them, even if it means just a walk in a park etc.
Now I am a bit past going out all the time, obv working shifts and childcare, I'm much more of a home bird, however DH lves going out and. Wiu,d go to the opening of an envelope and his nights out which to be fair are not usually every weekend become his priority, regardless of financial circumstances or childcare.

He has always had a strained relationship with his brother, however in recent months they have rekindled their relationship which aim really happy about as i do like BIL and his fiancée.

Now this is the sticky issue DH has been out with BIL for the last 3 sat nights out of the last 4, each time coming home from a club at 6am. Clearly the following day be just lays on the sofa looking like death and I'm left to get on the kids alone.
Last nit I was working to the wee hours and DH Had a stag do to go to. I expected him to be ready to come home when I wou,d be finishing SOSs I left work I called him to offer him a lift to save money - no answer. Cue me going home and worrying about him ( he gets really laity when he is out drinking and often gets peoples backs up with his drunkenness) and I was worried he might have got into a bad situation. And no I'm nit been silly, I won't go out with him when he's drinking as he a makes fun of me in front of people for laughs and even his family/ friends describe him as a handful when he's drinking.
So DCs were away for the night and I am awake on and off all niggt worrying, cue his appearance at 7.40am. He just gets ink bed. I check my phone for the time a d ask him where he's been to whi h he says he's been with his DB then they went back to girl friends of DB till he brought him home.

I went mad, told him he ws disrespectful and that I was t happy.

He's been laid on the sofa since 11 Am where he still is now, umming and arrggghhh at the DCs when they talk to him and ive been upset hiding upstairs cos I don't want the kids to see me upset.
He's said sorry, but he always says sorry, he's not bloody sorry, he thinks sorry is the magic word and he cant behave like a single man, and say sorry and that's that.

AIBU to tell him to Fuck off out of my face until he can show he has his priorities straight?

Now I have to go work, all upset and we have just wasted a day with the kids.
by the way, I don't think he is seeing anyone else, but he does of,teem overstep boundaries when he is out.

He just thinks I am sulking, and I will come round, I'd li,e to just throw him out tbh

OP posts:

mumto2andnomore · 24/10/2010 16:02

I dont see anything wrong in going out and getting very drunk every now and again (my dh has a really bad hangover today and keeps apologising, bless !)but yours is doing it far too often. Think you need to both have a talk.

shimmerysilverghosty · 24/10/2010 16:03

Er, my ex WAS seeing someone else in fact he was seeing LOTS of someone elses and I was oblivious. I got all the "oh I was too pissed to get home so crashed out on a mates sofa" and I believed him I really did. Personally I would rather have known or had someone put the idea in my head than have carry on with him being messed about on while having not a clue.

2rebecca · 24/10/2010 16:09

I've never had a serious relationship with a man who did this.

janajos · 24/10/2010 16:18

I think it is so sad that some of you think that most men do this. They do not. My husband is sometimes late home from work and I might spend an hour wondering where he is but he always calls me on the way home and it has never been later than 10.30pm during the week. At the weekend we only go out together. He is a great husband, father and friend and I don't think any of you, especially the OP, should settle for less.

twopeople · 24/10/2010 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GeekOfTheWeek · 24/10/2010 19:00

You okay op?

expatinscotland · 24/10/2010 19:06

I'd have thrown him out.

He's an obnoxious drunk and also an alcoholic because he goes and gets pissed despite financial issues or childcare.

He's a loser who doesn't deserve you or a family, and I wouldn't my kids seeing that because most people don't do that and, if they did, they wouldn't have a marriage anymore.

TubbyDuffs · 24/10/2010 19:07

I think this is something he should've grown out of by now.

The odd night out and too much to drink is acceptable, don't we all do that?

I would be having serious words and thinking about whether I have a future with someone like this.

My husband would rather spend time with his children at the weekend, and loves to get out somewhere with the family, it is very rare that he has a hangover and can't be bothered (in fact it is more likely to be me with the hangover - and that isn't often!).

Original poster

hoppershopper · 24/10/2010 19:08

Sorry I'm at work now but fielding off 'im so soery' type texts. He is soo pathetic and such a sheep, he says sorry as a matter of course and not because he is. Going out to him takes over everything. A month or so ago he booked flights for a 4 day lads bender, knowing full well I was working at 7 am all those days and thought it was ok to just send kids off to sleep somewhere for 4 nights. We r so skint at the moment but doesn't stop him going out on the lash with a pocket full of £20s though :(

OP posts:

TealAndBiscuit · 24/10/2010 19:09

If you give him leeway he will take the piss. Don't let him get away with it.

I'm slightly more troubled by what you say about him making fun of you for laughs, to be honest.

GeekOfTheWeek · 24/10/2010 19:12

Op grab your dignity and get rid.

He is a waste of space.

Is he taking drugs whilst out? It sounds like it to me.

ChaoticAngel · 24/10/2010 19:15

YANBU and I'm with the posters who want to know why you're still with him.

It's all very well saying sorry but actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying he isn't sorry.

Also what are you teaching your children. That it's okay for a man to do what he likes when he likes? That his needs, and he, are more important than anyone elses? [hhmm]

anonymousbrainsnatcher · 24/10/2010 19:16

Grief, he needs a reality check to see what really matters to him and the consequences of his actions (where is he getting the stash of cash if you are skint, is he borrowing/plundering the rainy day fund?)

Chuck him out (preferably) or leave for a while, see what he makes of it. If he doesn't respond "accordingly" then frankly, you are best off out.. how awful for you. But you don't need to put up with this.

Tootlesmummy · 24/10/2010 19:39

Sorry to say this but you need to kick him into touch to give him a reality check that he can't behave like that. And if he wants to behave like that then sorry but you're better off without him.

expatinscotland · 24/10/2010 20:21

He has potentially got you into a lot of debt. I'd say it is very dangerous to stay with him financially.

I'd chuck him out.

This is not acceptable.

He's an alcoholic.

blinks · 24/10/2010 20:40

he sounds like a feckless loser

thesecondcoming · 24/10/2010 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekOfTheWeek · 24/10/2010 21:23

Tsc, are you me?!

I posted almost the exact same on page 1

cakewench · 24/10/2010 21:28

You're skint and he's out with a pocket full of twenties? He's been out 3 out of the past 4 weekends??

I'm not trying to be hard on the man- going out once in a while with your mates is healthy and normal. However, 'going out' typically means getting home while it's still dark outside. Maybe once in a blue moon getting pissed and ending up on someone's couch- okay, conceivable. Not ideal, and honestly not acceptable if you are in conditions such as yours. (When I think back to my single years, I almost always knew ahead of time when a big night of drinking was going to take place, and could have easily told someone in advance, if I had someone, "hey yeah I anticipate some couch surfing tonight.")

It's not normal. In my opinion, it's not acceptable. Easier said than done though, I know. I wouldn't be able to be with someone like that. He's literally pissing your money way AND telling you and your DCs that you aren't worth the time his stupid mates are.

I'm really sorry.

expatinscotland · 24/10/2010 21:29

What TSC said.

2rebecca · 24/10/2010 21:35

"we are skint at the moment"

"He has booked a flight for a 4 day lads' bender" "he goes out with a pocket full of £20s"

These 2 paragraphs shouldn't go together. Your marriage isn't an equal partnership.
Tell him to shape up and be responsible or go.

Did he want marriage and kids? He sounds very silly, and to have a drink problem.

ScaryFucker · 24/10/2010 22:12

if you stay with this man, prepare yourself for a life as a doormat

SirBoobAlot · 24/10/2010 22:20

You need to give him a kick up the arse and tell him to sort out his bloody priorities.

NothereisnobodylurkingbehindU · 24/10/2010 22:23

Sorry is not enough. He needs to commit to treating you and your children with more respect. Adults with families don't get to behave as he is doing.

11 years ago my dh had a bit of a night out for his birthday. He had a few too many and was quite ill . I think there may have been a bit of a vomiting issue when he got home but I don't kno because he dealt with that himself and didn't expect me to clean up after him literally or figuratively. The next day we had to go looking for our first car. This involved getting up and out and a lengthy bus ride Poor dh felt dreadful but he got on with it and we found the car we needed. He has never been a huge drinker but that one night and the experience of trying to do what he should as a husband and father the next day, showed him that it was time to behave differently. That's what adults do - make mistakes and learn from them. If you're with someone who won't or can't do that then it is time to seriously reconsider the position!

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