CSA

[Tomytom]

Hi All,

This is my first post.

AIBU to think that as a father who has been pushed out of my childs life to expect that I should not have to pay the CSA?

yabu

but you know that.....the child still exists....

What does Yabu mean?

I realise he is still there and I would give the world to be in his life. but I recent paying £300 per month so that his mother can live the life of riley while I struggle to support my other two boys that live with me.

Why should they go without?

access and maintenence are always viewed separately

children are NOT 'pay per view'!!!

It sounds as though you would like to be part of your child's life. Contributing towards the cost of your child's upbringing is a way of keeping your foot in the door; of showing your child later in life that you did want to stay involved.

The child is yours; you are his/her father. The money is there to make sure your child doesn't go short. You are not 'paying the CSA', you are improving your child's life. So yes, I think YABU to think you shouldn't be making a contribution.

YABU. How and why have you been "pushed out of" your child's life?

I got with the ex when she had an 9m old baby to a drug addict. I brought him up for 3 years as my own. we then had a new baby and at two weeks kicked out because I wanted to work and not live on benefits.

Due to location and various other problems she has stopped me having access.

She now has three kids to three different dads and no one is aloud to have access.

YABU = You Are Being Unreasonable

Presumably you are paying about 12% of your net income as maintenance? so you still have 88% left? And in all honesty it does seem unlikely that £75/week allows your ex to live the life of riley while your £500/week means you struggle to support your two children.

I am sure you are very very angry about this, quite rightly, but I think you will get more people on your side by fighting for access than by cutting your financial support for your child.

join families need fathers

why arent you all allowed??

have you suggested mediation? told her you will go to court?

I have been fighting for the last 3 years. I am struggling to support my other two DC, while she claims all benefits. She does not see why she needs to work. She is also getting maintenance from 3 dads for 3 kids. (All are not aloud to see their kids).

Why is this acceptible?

Trust me, she is living the life of riley.

if you've been fighting for 3 years and not got a court order yet,then there must be more to this??

We had an agreement of Paying per month as long as I can see my DS. i Paid £100 per month but this was not good enough for her. Bearing in mind that we live 300 miles apart, so for every month I had to pay £70 petrol. £50 B/B and also I had to take her other kids with me and pay to entertain them also i.e food, cinemas, bowling etc.

So she goes to the CSA who want £300 per month and now I am not aloud to see my DC either.

Not gone to court as I cannot afford to pay and will not get help as I work.

You can self represent. You could quite easily go to court if you really want access.

get a mckenzie friend and self rep!!!!

you know court is the way....dont really see it as you've been 'fighting'!!!

did you move away or her??

What's your idea of fighting to see your child? What have you done in the past 3 years towards getting access?

YABU

If you have children you have to be prepared to support them, even if you don't see them. On here, and in rl, there sometimes seems to be the reverse, where exes are seeing their child(ren) but not paying maintenance.

With 3 kids I doubt very much she is living the life of riley [hhmm] or does 'living the life of riley' mean that she has a night out a week with friends and you don't think she should do?

What is a mckenzi friend? and how would that work?

There has been allot of fighting but it is hard to do given the distance. Not like I can just turn up. I do get calls every now and then when she wants to go on holiday with a new BF and needs me to have DC and other kids for a week.
Things seem to go ok until she can find another excuse. (last excuse was that I should not drive above 60 on the motor way with kids in the car). (Her other DC said that I was over taking lorries).

How about having designer clothes. Two pedigree cats a horse. A nice cottage (Not her fault as there are no council houses in the area) and goes out at least once a week.

stop taking her other dc,concentrate on yours!!

you need to go to court asap to enforce contact! how old is your child?

mckenzie friend is a volunteer who has knowledge of legal system/contact etc....usually another dad who has been through the system

Thanks SprinkleDust ill certainly look into it.

I have to take her other DC because otherwise I would not be able to see my DC at the time. The last contact I had was last Christmas because she wanted to go out New years.

If I get the chance to see DC ill do everything I can including taking her other DC. I dont no what else I can do.

As SprinkleDust recommends, join Families Need Fathers. They can help you with representing yourself in court, can put you in touch with a MacKenzie Friend, can suggest alternative approaches etc. They're a very good bunch of people.

dont confuse them with 'fathers for justice',as many people do!!

"How about having designer clothes. Two pedigree cats a horse. A nice cottage (Not her fault as there are no council houses in the area) and goes out at least once a week."

Hey, I'm psychic [hhmm]

Why not refuse to take yours back next time you get access that's what i would do if DH was being this cruel to me.
I assume you are named on the birth certificate and acknowledged as the father ?