to believe that decent, fair relationships are the exception to the rule

[GreenasJade]

rather than the norm?

This isn't about a thread but is inspired some currently running.

I have been in an abusive relationship myself and I look at the couples I know and in every single one of them, someone is top dog while the other puts up and shuts up, every single one. I don't actually think decent relationships really exist.

I think if you say YOU are in a good relationship it is probably because YOU are the one getting more out of it.

I don't want a bun fight about this. I just feel so bloody jaded about relationships. Is yours good? Why is it good?

Do any of you have partners who

worry about you it things are a bit tough for you
Who feel sad and try to make you feel better if you are disappointed or sad about something
Who notice you don't look well or look tired and then try to do something to help
Who would NEVER forget your birthday, anniversary or a Christmas Gift because you are so important to them
Who prefer to spend time with you and your dc rather than with their mates

I think if you DO you are severely in the minority and this is not actually a normal state of affairs.

I have never known it . I don't believe it is achievable for the majority.

For what it's worth, my relationship is neither fantastic or awful. My husband does do the above things (care for me if ill, concerned if I'm stress, buys me presents) but he often needs a shove. Like 'I've got a terrible headache, can you take the children out for the day?' or whatever. He'd happily do that if asked but not necessarily think I was looking a bit ill and how he could help me. Mind-reading and being exceptionally emotionally responsive are not really him.

Good luck with being on your own, or finding someone nice, or whatever YOU decide to do. Use those role models around you to remind yourself what you don't want!

How sad . It is truly possible to have an equal marriage, I really think I do. We care for each other equally, spend roughly the same time caring for DS, doing the housework etc. I feel very loved every day.

I hope you one day will experience that. In a way though, it is similar to a relationship with a close friend. So if you want to give relationships a rest for a bit, perhaps friendships may be another way to find support?

I'm in a great relationship. Been together 7 years, married for 2.5 and we're expecting our first right now.

He is very nice. We both forget anniversaries, especially him, but he does do all the ironing and hoovering, always does the weekend cooking (I do it in the week) and we make virtually all decisions together and go out with our friends together. We generally get on OK with each others' families.

It's not 100% perfect but it's a true partnership and we love each other very much and I don't think we're all that unique, either. You just happen to hear about the bad relationships more because they're more interesting.

It is sad that you have had such experiences but it isn't the norm. I am happily married, as are many of my family and friends. You do have to love yourself first and you simply don't put up with any abusive/controlling behaviour, but walk away and don't get involved in the first place. The warning signs are always there -people choose to ignore them or think they will change-or make excuses for them. You can sometimes understand it (e.g. abusive parents themselves)but there is no excuse.