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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like the worst parent in the world today )-:

52 replies

mosschops30 · 21/10/2010 12:10

because I shouted at my baby last night , not even once, but I shouted shut up several times because I was absolutely delerious

have been up 3 nights in a row, hes not ill, or in pain because as soon as he gets into our bed hes off like a light. I had been trying to soothe him for a while and just felt horribel after Id shouted.

Apparently my dd (14) mentioned it to dh this morning and dh rang and said 'hello psycho' although he didnt mean it because we have had a rule with all 3 that whatever happens in the middle of the night, stays in the middle of the night (after me and dh saying particularly nasty things to each other in the night out of tiredness).

I would just like some support and to be told that someone else has felt like this (probably no one else has done it ) it took me over an hour to get to sleep because I was so upset

OP posts:

perfumedlife · 21/10/2010 12:33

Been there too

Honestly, the guilt trip does lessen eventually. It's there for a reason though, to make sure you don't get worse in your behaviour. And you won't. You will cope, we are mothers, we just do. But ask for more help from Mr Psycho while you're at it.

I was so sleep deprived at one stage I started hallucinating. Really nice, bright colours. But I was deranged. I shudder at the memory, and i thought it would never get better. It does. Your baby will not remember this.

Did it work, by the way?

amyboo · 21/10/2010 12:34

I once told DS to shut the f*ck up. That was in the middle of the day when he just wouldn't stop crying and I was going mad. He was only about 6 weeks old, but I just felt at the end of my tether as I was so tired. I felt so bad about it, I phoned DH in tears and he ended up coming home from work to look after us both.

stubbornhubby · 21/10/2010 12:35

In the middle of the night once I moved the cot into the furthest away room in the house the utility room as it happened.

..with the baby in it

(you'll be relieved to know it was all one one level - so no stairs involved)

CrapSuzette · 21/10/2010 12:36

OP, you're not the worst parent - you're a normal, exhausted parent of a baby who won't sleep!
Have lost the plot myself with my DTs (now 3.5, and thankfully much better sleepers) in the past. They were lousy sleepers for the first year or so, though, and DH and I often felt desperate. I was lucky: DH was v supportive and we took turns and helped each other through it. I agree you need to have a word with your DH: phoning you from work and calling you 'psycho' is bang out of order. His turn to do the night shift tonight, I think!
It WILL pass; you WILL get some sleep. Cut yourself some slack in the meantime, though: the guilt will only drag you down and make you even tireder.
Here - have an unmusnetty hug.

whoneedssleepanyway · 21/10/2010 12:37

Amyboo i did that to DD2 - they were some dark times

i remember standing over her cot wanting to slam her head against the side of the bars, honestly thought DH and I would get a divorce too things became so bad.

so you are def not the worst parent in the world as I am on the short list for that accolade...

BerryScaryJuice · 21/10/2010 12:39

Ah don't beat yourself up about it. Last not was one of the few nights where I didn't mutter some profanities (or at least want to ) at lovely DS. He is a LOUSY sleeper and the only thing that keeps me from shouting at him is the fact that we co-sleep and it would wake DH.

It's normal to feel like a deranged loon in the middle of the night when all you want is sleep and all you can foresee is HOURS of trying to settle a baby.

Be gentle with yourself. Have DH give you a break over the weekend and have a little baby break it'll do you wonders.

NerdyFace · 21/10/2010 12:39

I wouldn't worry about it!

My mother to this day still says "God...All i wanted was a backrub.." about me!

When i do something stupid or am so bright and cheerful in the mornings!!

It's had no effect on me and i have a great relationship with my mother!

MadamDeathstare · 21/10/2010 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife · 21/10/2010 12:44

My ds bf every 40 minutes for the first four months, it was HELL. I had really detailed fantasies about checking into the local Hilton, drawing the curtains, and just sleeping for 24 blissful hours. Then ordering a massive steak on room service, taking a hot bath, in peace (grin) and then sleeping for another eight hours. After this, I knew I could return home a restored fit to parent mother.

It didn't happen right enough. I slogged on, shouted at ds, begged him to sleep, sang at him, played piano for him, stimulated him, ignored him, you name it. Nothing worked. He only started to sleep well when i stopped breast feeding him. I think he was starving

Now that i DO feel guilty about. But thats a whole other story.

MissMarjoriBanshee · 21/10/2010 12:47

I've shouted at my DS in the middle of the night, including profanities. I was very very sleep deprived.

Anyway, I win worst mother award today. Fed DS in bed today and accidentally dozed back off. Woke up to the thump of him hitting the floor. He had pushed the pillow mountain aside and crawled off the edge of the bed....cue one panicked mummy and one wailing baby.

He's fine. He cried piteously for about 20 seconds then continued in his endless quest to be somewhere other than his current location.

sonia77 · 21/10/2010 12:54

Me too. Im just so fucking tired. There is absolutely no reason for my six month old to be waking three times a night. And bloody screaming within a second . Just wanting breast feeding fucking knackered. Had enough. :-(

Squitten · 21/10/2010 13:01

Oh, I so remember that horrible period. I nearly went loopy and have shouted and threatened a LOT worse than 'shut up'- DH was actually concerned at one point about leaving me alone with DS in the night Poor DH also got a lot of abuse.

Funnily enough, just this week DS (just turned 2) has suddenly started sleeping through 7pm-7am every night. I could almost cry with the relief!

faverghoulles · 21/10/2010 13:05

OP, I think everyone's shouted at their baby when they're sleep deprived, so don't feel bad!

I remember a particularly bad night with ds2, shouting at him, and being so seething that when he eventually went to sleep I lay awake snarling. I then kicked dh, as I was so pissed off that he was asleep and I wasn't I told him it was an accident!

buttonmoon78 · 21/10/2010 13:06

Oh, we've all done this lots once or twice.

My particular speciality was singing lovely nursery rhymes with different words. Usually rude. Always along the lines of 'why won't you sleep you little bugger'.

It's part of the deal, but another of those things that no one mentions

amyboo · 21/10/2010 13:14

Laughing at buttonmoon78 - I think DH and I have been known to do this too!

Gosh, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one who swore at their baby! I don't usually swear much either...

sazlocks · 21/10/2010 13:17

Me too. Awful night of 2 hourly wake ups from my 9 month old punctuated by a wake up from my 2.9 year old having duvet issues ! This was after my first day back at work from mat leave where I learned the full extent of the public sector carnage about to befall my workplace.
I shouted at DH and the baby - totally pointless.
Don't beat yourself up, be reassured that there are many of us pacing the floors at night cursing our non sleeping treasures and try and remember that this too shall pass

MaudOHara · 21/10/2010 13:19

Go easy on yourself - sleep deprivation is awful and makes people do and say things that they never normally would.

We've all done it

ApocalypseCheese · 21/10/2010 13:30

Pah, that's nothing. I once locked myself in the yard with a cup of tea because I was scared of hurting dd (screamed 6 hours a day non stop with colic)

Now THAT's bad parenting.

wb · 21/10/2010 13:44

Bless you!

I once launched a 10 min, hysterical diatribe at a 6 mo ds2 for not letting me sleep. It was so long and loud I felt obliged to put a note through next door and apologise the next day (they were v. sweet and lied said they hadn't heard me).

I am still scarred by the incident. Ds2 was, and is, entirely oblivious.

dementedma · 21/10/2010 13:51

Oh you are SO not alone. DC1 was a terrible sleeper and cryer and I was exhausted and at my wits end. Bunged her into the pram and stomped the streets in the rain, then parked her (somewhat sharply ) out side the chemist and hissed "Stay there and shut up!!!". An old man going by was shocked and said "That's no way to speak to your baby" and I yelled "and you can shut the fuck up too!". First time I've ever sworn in anger at a stranger.
Don't beat yourself up, its only words and if it helps, go for it.
I had to tone down the swearing as DC got older and once was stuggling to put her sandals on all by herself and shouted "oh FUCK IT!" in a room full of visiting relatives.

Feelingsensitive · 21/10/2010 13:54

YABU to give your self such a hard time. I have done similar if not worse . When DD was about 8 months old she was incredibly clingy and demanding. I put her in the downstairs loo with the light off and closed the door on her because I couldnt bear her crying anymore. She was only in there for a few minutes but the look on her little face when I opened the door is etched on my memory (shes 5). I have also handed out a few slapped bottoms in my time. And called DS every name under the sun (far too colourful to mention here) whilst singing a lulaby when trying to get him to sleep. As in: " Rock a bye bloody baby on the f'ing tree top ". Yes I feel crap about it. It wasnt the right thing to do. But it doesnt make me a bad mother. I was a human being who had not slept for months (both mine were bad sleepers), totally unprepared for motherhood and no help. Go easy on your self and come here for a 'chat' if you need it.

scaleymcnamechange · 21/10/2010 13:55

If he settles well in bed with you, could you not let him sleep with you? It won't be forever [hgrin].

Original poster

mosschops30 · 21/10/2010 14:04

madamedeathstare i thought you were going to post something nauseating about miriam stoppard actually made me lol I do feel better knowing that.

I think if I had sworn at him it would have been better than hissing shut up shut up like some crazed loon! Think along the l;ine of that kid in the Shining saying 'red rum, red rum'

He could sleep in with us, he loves our bed, will only drop off to sleep there and when he normally comes in at 7am he will drop back off to 8.30 all snug
I just dont want to keep this up, Im not into the co-sleeping thing and wouldnt have tolerated it from the other dcs

OP posts:

anonymousbrainsnatcher · 21/10/2010 14:11

Sorry if I missed it somewhere up there, but how old is your baby OP?

Original poster

mosschops30 · 21/10/2010 14:17

hes 11 months

OP posts:

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