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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be wound up when people tell you something is rubbish

38 replies

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:26

and they've never even done it?

I am going to be doing hypnobirthing for my first baby. I'm really excited, when people have asked about about pain relief, birth plan etc (and they brought it up, mind you) I've said hypnobirthing and had it dismissed straight away... Usually followed by "you'll be screaming for an epidural in no time".

I'd love to hear their experiences if they were relevant but think it's really unfair for them to comment on this.. They don't know I'll be screaming for an epidural in no time.. and I hate being patronised like I'm an idiot who doesn't know baby meets fanjo= more than mild discomfort.

I expect it to hurt.. but I am also under the impression that women have been giving birth long before epiduals...and some how the species has continued..

OP posts:

Original poster

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:28

Also... why tell someone something is going to be hugely painful?? Surely the fear is going to make you tense up and make the whole thing more painful?

Seems quite cruel to me to say it to an expecting mother.

OP posts:

Needanewname · 20/10/2010 12:31

Sod what they say and do it. Maybe they were screaming for an epidural, doesn;t mean you will with or without the hypnoirthing!

I remember talking about doing signing with DD1 and lots of 'friends' said it was ridiculous - frustration is part of growing up - WTF?!

And re the birth thing, if it so sooooo much why woudl we all do it again!!!

GetOrfMoiLand · 20/10/2010 12:32

People love telling others their horror stories.

I would have loved to have tried hypnobirthing if it was as common back when I had dd.

In actual fact, though, the labout wasn't painful. Hard work, but didn't really hurt. So you may not think it is as bad as some people make out.

Original poster

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:34

Exactly! oh and needanewname they do signing in my village, I've been looking in to it.. Have you started yet? looks facinating! How are you getting on?

OP posts:

Original poster

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:36

I have my suspicons getorf that while some people have truly horrific births that the most of women don't... they just make for more entertaining telly so people assume it's the norm, and try and "out birth" each other!

OP posts:

laweaselmys · 20/10/2010 12:39

I think sometimes people you are trying to be above them for trying something different. Or judging them in someway.

Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. Plenty of people who haven't put much thought into their birth at all manage just fine without an epi. Most mums end up having gas and air and pethidine. So it is worth knowing about those just in case, but that it is no reason not to even try something else!

Just ignore them.

Needanewname · 20/10/2010 12:39

ArseFeckDrink DD1 is now 7 and DD2 is 4 and yes I did signing with both of them (though no classes as there were none in my area back then) and its brilliant.

We started doing it when they were about 7 months old but it wasn;t until they were about a year old that they did their first sign - it was for water from both of them!

We only eally did milk, water, food, more for DD1 but then added pain and certain types of food for DD2 and it really helped, they were able to make themselves understood so prevented a lot of tantrums (however they foind other things to have tantrums about so we didn;t get of completely free!!!)

I'd do it if I were you, you've nothing to lose and could meet up with some other really nice mums too.

BunnyLeBOOwski · 20/10/2010 12:40

YANBU.

I had loads of this when I told people I was planning a home birth with my first baby.

Lots of 'Oh we'll see when the time comes' and 'Just you wait till the pains kick in - you'll be at the hospital in 5 mins screaming for an epidural'.

I quickly learnt to ignore and went on to have my home birth. Like you I knew it was going to be bastard painful. I also knew I'd deal better with that pain in my own comfortable surroundings.

Poogles · 20/10/2010 12:41

I only had gas & air (which ran out anyway!!) and it wasn't that bad. Thing about the gas & air was more about my breathing - I carried on using the mouth piece to focus my breathing long after the gas had gone! I didn't look into hypnobirthing but I think a lot of it is to do with breathing.

I had a home water birth with DS2 and was told by everyone I was mad. Was the most wonderful experience I have ever had!

Research your choice and if YOU are happy, go for it!! Goodluck!

Original poster

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:44

laweaselmys Maybe that's the case, although I certainly don't actually feel that I'm better.. just want an easy life! and this looks like it could give me one. :)

Needanewname Thanks for the feedback, I really am looking forward to trying it, although would be really sad to see a baby making a "pain" sign :(

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 20/10/2010 12:45

I think people who rubbish it are those (like me) who were very unprepared for their first birth and were expecting to be able to try all sorts of techniques that they weren't really sufficiently practised in for them to be helpful.

I imagine that if you are going to do hypno-birthing then you are going to be as well prepared and well-informed as you can be, rather than trying to do yoga positions and breathing in a sort of half-arsed way that many of us tried.

JamieLeeCurtis · 20/10/2010 12:49

I would also add, though, that my life would have been a lot happier after DS1s birth if I had entertained the possibility that I might end up having a Caesarian. As it was, it was a huge shock and I wish I'd known more about it

Best of luck

GoreRenewed · 20/10/2010 12:51

They are quite wrong to tell you it's rubbish! To my mind anything that enables you to plan and focus on the birth is a good thing.

But I think anyone who tells you birth isn't that bad is doing you a disservice. I went into my first labour beleiving that it was going to be a 'good pain' . I was totally overwhelmed with the pain - it took me over and controlled me. You need to be realistic so that it doesn't swamp you.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/10/2010 12:52

No one can say for sure what kind of birth you will have. I think they are just trying to say (not very tactfully, admittedly), that until it happens you can't be sure either, so don't ignore other methods of pain control and assume that this will be all you need. You may cope wonderfully well and this may work for you very successfully, but don't ignore alternatives as you can't predict all possible eventualities.

I have had 4 babies and can honestly say that what was on my birth plans bore little resemblance to what I actually got. I have to be honest, labour does hurt (we do it again because you get a baby at the end)and it's good to be aware of the fact that you might change what you want midway through, because you don't know for sure what you will want until it happens.

Original poster

ArseFeckDrink · 20/10/2010 12:59

Those are all good points, I know cesarian is a possibilty because I've told my DH that if baby is breech (as he/she currently is although still to early to tell for the birth) I don't want to go for a vaginal birth, because forceps and ventouse scare the life out of me. Can't honestly say I wouldn't be really disappointed though. :(

OP posts:

Needanewname · 20/10/2010 13:04

Gore, I get your point, someone who tells you that birth isn;t that bad is probably as bad as someone who tels you its agony!!

Arse - just do what your doing, plan something, but in the back of your mind think about what you would do if things didn;t go to plan - i that makes sense!!!

And the signing for a baby for pain is for when they are teething, or they have fallen over and can tell where they hurt - its actually a brilliant sign to use - wish I'd done it with DD1.

LittleSarah · 20/10/2010 13:06

My dad was incredibly sceptical about my home birth plan for dd (first baby), and it all went well, a little gas and air at the end, fairly fast for labour, painful yes, but manageably so.

With ds it was even smoother, two hours from water breaking plus first contracttion ds was born, no pain relief (no time!).

Of course it doesn't always work out that way, I knew I might end up having a longer labour, unable to take it anymore, no water breaking, or other complications, but as long as you are prepared for these possibilities then it is fine to plan for your preferred outcome.

I always wanted to do hypnobirthing and I say go for it!

It does annoy me when people assume that it will be so dreadful, it isn't always.

BinkyNic · 20/10/2010 13:08

I agree with all those above who have said that it's better to be prepared for it to hurt a lot that to go in with no clue.

DD started baby signing classes at 1 year old and it was lovely to see her signing 'more', 'please', 'where' etc. Get the dvds as well. It does help with understanding what they want. Out of all my friends' children of around the same age, DD is the best talker by far, and still does some signing (but it looks more like gesticulation than signing).
with No2 on the way, I will try to start a bit earlier.

Re the 'pain' sign, one of the mums in my class only discovered that her son had a problem with his testicles when he kept doing the pain sign when he had his nappy changed - no other obvious signs, so she got it checked out and sorted years/ months earlier than otherwise

DialMforMother · 20/10/2010 13:11

Know what you'd like but be prepared for it all to go out of the window.

I knew that the two things I really didn't want were an epidural and a c-section which, of course, was exactly what I ended up with.

FindingMymOOOOOOOOjo · 20/10/2010 13:21

I agree its all unnecessary. I used self hypnosis/relaxation CD (I couldn't afford the hypnobirthing course fees or I would have done it) it was fantastic - best of all it took away any fear, which I agree with above, is largely based on TV births.

Yes some women have horrific experiences, but actually most don't. I read around on the subject as I didn't want to be ignorant, but I focused on having a healthy 'normal' birth. There were moments during the birth where someone else might have wanted an intervention of some kind but I decided not to - not because I was a matyr, but because it was all actually bearable and 'to plan' in a sense - if just very very slow. Right towards the end I did start yelling for an epidural - but actually that was more because I could feel the baby coming but the midwife (mistakenly) told me I was only 7cm dilated!!! I was very confused, extremely tired & for a brief moment I didn't know what was going on. No epi was required & baby flew out without pushing - so listen to your body!

When I was pregnant I was very strict about stopping people who launched into birth horror stories - interrupting them & stating very firmly that I wasn't interested in hearing it and I thought it extremely poor taste that they would think it appropriate to want to share something like that with someone in my condition. And actually no one minded at all.

BinkyNic · 20/10/2010 13:26

Why so worried about forceps? I had them with DD and yes she did look a little bashed at first, but was fine after a few days. (...and is gorgeous now - her words ) My episiotomy healed well with no pain.
I was shivering with fear on the operating table in case forceps didn't work and they had to do a C-section!

PutTheKettleOn · 20/10/2010 13:30

oh god, that annoyed the hell out of me too. I told my SIL I was planning a water birth with 1st DD and she was just sooo patronising: 'How are you with pain? It does really really hurt, you know!' D'uh, thanks, as if I hadn't guessed that myself. In the end the idea of proving people wrong spurred me on and I did have a water birth, so there!

I read the hypnobirthing book and used the techniques (course was too pricey for me) and it definitely helped, even with DD2 when I had to be induced.

Just make sure you never, ever say 'I don't agree with/ am definitely NOT going to have an epidural/pethidine/forceps etc', as you don't know what will happen and you may well eat your words!

DuelingFanjo · 20/10/2010 13:33

I agree. I just got a hypnobirthing book through the post. I have been amazed at the amount of people who have told me to 'have all the drugs you are offered' including various midwives at my scans.

I am absolutely prepared for the fact that there will be pain and that I might want pain relief but it gets right up my nose that almost eeveryone I speak to pulls a face about labour and how awful it is going to be for me.

MrsC2010 · 20/10/2010 13:35

YANBU. Do whatever helps you feel you have more control, whether it helps in the end or not.

MrsC2010 · 20/10/2010 13:38

Meant to say I did it, I did end up with epi and forceps as DD was distressed and in odd position, but the breathing techniques nreally heklped I think, got to 8cms with nothing bar a birthing pool, not even G&A.

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