to be wound up when people tell you something is rubbish

[ArseFeckDrink]

and they've never even done it?

I am going to be doing hypnobirthing for my first baby. I'm really excited, when people have asked about about pain relief, birth plan etc (and they brought it up, mind you) I've said hypnobirthing and had it dismissed straight away... Usually followed by "you'll be screaming for an epidural in no time".

I'd love to hear their experiences if they were relevant but think it's really unfair for them to comment on this.. They don't know I'll be screaming for an epidural in no time.. and I hate being patronised like I'm an idiot who doesn't know baby meets fanjo= more than mild discomfort.

I expect it to hurt.. but I am also under the impression that women have been giving birth long before epiduals...and some how the species has continued..

BinkyNic they just scare me, heard too many horror stories I guess!... glad your little girl was Ok though and still came out modest beautiful lol grin

Thanks everyone for the sane and appropriate responses! was slightly worried a load of women woudl come on and go because it fucking hurts you mad cow!

The thing is, though, I've heard so many women say "why did no-one tell me how much it hurts?".

Also, I know several women who feel they failed in some way because they had an epidural/caesarian.

I think it's brilliant you're preparing so thoroughly, and there's no doubt that the techniques help many women, but perhaps your friends are trying (rather tactlessly) to prepare you for if it doesn't work out.

OTOH, perhaps they're just indulging in a bit of Schadenfreude, which is miserable of them.

competitive birth horroring
ignore them
There's no way you can tell in advance
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best :)

Booboo, but there are millions of women out there who give birth without an epidural or heavy duty pain relief. I'd find it quite offensive if my friends assumed I wouldn't be one of them. Yes it hurts, yes lots of women find that birth doesn't proceed as normal, but surely they are in the minority?

There are millions of women out there who don't have the option of an epidural or heavy duty pain relief, I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to be one of them (nice to have options, even if you don't use them).

The first thing one of my friend said to me when I called her after her birth was 'my god why didn't you tell me it was going to be like that?' I thought being encouraging and a bit vague about how much it hurt would be the best approach. So, it's difficult to please people sometimes.

I don't think it is offensive to point out that births are often a) far more painful than many women expect and b) more out of control than many women expect. However, I think they are wrong to pour scorn on what are extremely sensible attempts to manage that by doing hypnobirthing and I can't see why they would want to discourage you. The worst it can be is not useful, at best it may really work very well. Keep going and ignore them.

I teach antenatal classes and always stress that most women have "normal" and bearable labours using whatever methods they have practiced, or drugs if they choose. In class we discuss the improtance of relaxation etc to help prepare you for late pregnancy, labour and parenting.

BUT I have a massive personal issue with hypnobirthing. Because the fundamental principle is that it won't hurt of you do it "properly" it can make women feel like they are somehow going to "open painlessly like a flower" and, when this doesn't happen for many women they can get overwhelmed by feelings of panic and failure which then makes their labour more difficult than it needs to be.
Oh, and the fact that they are "not allowed" to come to antenatal sessions also irks me

Scorn, yes that is the word
"There are millions of women out there who don't have the option of an epidural or heavy duty pain relief, I don't think anyone in their right mind would want to be one of them (nice to have options, even if you don't use them)."
That's fine. But that's not what the OP's friend said, she said "you'll be screaming for an epidural in no time". which is simlpy scornful.

And actually there are plenty of women who would prefer and choose to have a drug free labour.

I know SPBB (love the Halloween name btw). I just used G&A, then nothing for the second stage.

I was just trying to be charitable to her friends, really. I think that sometimes people let off steam about their own experiences inappropriately.

As Otmc said, it's sometimes impossible to say the right thing in these situations.

I usually wait for a direct question, then I'm as honest as I can. If they don't ask, I assume they don't want to know!

Arse - well I never tried the hypnobirthing thingy, but I know for a fact that the calmer and more controlled and focused I was with my breathing, the less it hurt. By the time I was having my 3rd, I was very chilled and relaxed and it was (almost) painless; or at least easy enough to cope with on my own (I had to have an epidural with my 1st, partly I'm sure due to me being terrified!).

So go for it and tell them all to feck off [hgrin]

You are not a mad cow. But giving birth does smart a little, yes.

I don't understand why people discuss their birthing plans with others. It's like discussing baby names or wedding themes. People will wade in with all manner of rude comments and irritating opinions. Just do what you want and good luck to you matey!

proudnscary point taken, I found it odd I get asked all the time... But I find a lot of things people ask now I'm pregnant incredibly odd.. Those threads have been done to death on mumsnet though!

Starting to realise people only ask to give them a chance to go on about their birth.. Some of DH's friends have even told me what it's like! I can watch men getting kicked in the testicles over and over on "you've been framed" but still not feel myself an expert.. :)

YANBU.

One of my pet hates too! Not only have these people not tried it themselves, they usually knew nothing about it in theory either.

Ignorance sadly often seems directly proportional to how opinionated someone is.

From past academic study and continuing interest in history of science & medicine, physiology and psychology of pain, and other relevant issues, I've read and thought rather a lot about birth, risk, analgesia, side-effects and a number of other linked issues.

I did not go into DD's birth with my eyes closed or any potentially useful book/article consciously unread. I did not make any of my decisions on a whim.

However, certain people still seemed to think that I should throw everything I'd read out of the window and place some kind of premium on their anecdotal stories or comments about how agonising their cousin's friend's wife's birth was, how they "would have died if they hadn't been in hospital", how it was crazy to not want an epidural / try hypnobirthing / use a birthing pool etc...

All (only slightly) interesting. All evidence-neutral. All irrelevant to me personally.