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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ban my amazing, gorgeous fantastic DP from doing any sort of household washing (laundry/dishes/bathroom/kitchen)?

27 replies

wholelotofarse · 19/10/2010 17:25

Because he is so so crap at it?? I have 'lost' so many clothes (I say lost I mean said clothes have become unrecognisable to colour/size or shape change), re washed so many dishes, re cleaned the bathrooms/kitchen so many times that I think just banning him from doing it would be easier. Please do not come on here and start having a go at me (that seems to happen rather a lot lately Hmm) I am merely having a rant Grin

OP posts:
Parsgirl · 19/10/2010 17:28

No this is his 'evil' plan for getting out of household duties. Don't fall fo it Grin

KeithTalent · 19/10/2010 17:29

yabvu

Batteryhuman · 19/10/2010 17:29

Its called strategic incompetence or learned helplessness. Ie do it badly enough and someone else will do it for you....result.

Original poster
wholelotofarse · 19/10/2010 17:30

ooooh really?? I remember before we lived together he was crap at it but perhaps that was all part of the plan too.........

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 19/10/2010 18:34

Don't ban him, give him a few lessons in how to do it then insist that he does it more often so he can get plenty of practice at getting it right [hwink] [hgrin]

HelenaCC · 19/10/2010 19:11

does the phrase 'creating a rod for your own back' mean anything to you?

mollymax · 19/10/2010 19:13

Sounds like he needs lots more practice. :)

Acanthus · 19/10/2010 19:19

It will be quicker for you to clean the bathroom after he has done half a job, so I def wouldn't ban that one!

AliGrylls · 19/10/2010 19:27

I am actually going to be different and say that I think your intention is really sweet. The problem is that in a few years you could end up resenting his incompetence, if there is actually nothing he is good at around the house and/or never helps.

The arrangement you need to make is maybe that you both have your own jobs that you don't mind doing and are good at. For example, I don't mind ironing so I iron all DHs shirts and washing. In exchange for this DH always takes the rubbish out and does most of the cooking.

notquitenormal · 19/10/2010 19:33

If he's crap at it...he needs more practice.
If he's good at it...he can do it some more [nudge-nudge-wink-wink smiley]

And if he does a half-arsed job, express your surprise; you didn't know he loves said job so much. He must do since he's going to have to do it again, properly.

Zero tolerance all the way Grin

WriterofDreams · 19/10/2010 19:46

If DH doesn't do housework properly I make him do it again. Yes I am a [hgrin]

That said he is definitely not allowed to wash my clothes. Ever.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 19/10/2010 19:47

my gran did this with my grandad

and he continued doing nothing from when he retired in 1983 til she died last year.

26 years of him bein waited on hand and food. train him now.

Original poster
wholelotofarse · 19/10/2010 20:15

The thing is he does do his fair share, we share all the chores and cooking (except I am not allowed to iron his uniform or shirts haha!) and he is good at ironing and (some) cooking, but when it comes to cleaning he is bloody awful!

Eg: I cooked last night (cottage pie from an MN recipe actually) I went to do the dishes after we'd all finished and he said 'Leave that beautiful, I'll do it in a minute' I said 'Oh dont worry I don't mind' the he came into the kitchen hugged me kissed me and said 'Sit down and relax, you do so much for our family and its the least I should do' (see how lovely he is!!) So I did. Woke up this morning to him doing the dishes from last night with all 3 dcs running riot too Grin

He went to work, I took dcs to school then onto work, I finish at 1 come home went to put the dishes away there was still a good size portion of cottage pie on the dishes and cutlery and where it had been draining a good side order on the draining board Grin

I don't by any means get annoyed or angry but he is just crap at it! I feel bad when I go round after him and re-clean so I have to kind of stealth clean. I once 'accidentally' dropped some pasta sauce over the kitchen and just washed by dp dishes and dramatically said 'Oh my, I must clean them again, what a tit I am' whilst slapping myself on the forehead.

OP posts:
pointythings · 19/10/2010 20:18

I never do the dishes as my dishwashing is never up to DH's exacting standards [hgrin].
Having said that, he once shrank one of my work skirts into something to go clubbing in (but I had the legs for it back then) - so now he asks me beforehand if he's unsure about how things should be washed. On the whole we share housework as we both work f/t.

MissMaryHinge · 19/10/2010 20:18

YABVU for flaunting your lovely DP at me [hgrin]

Give him his own jobs that you're crap at then and do the ones he does badly without being resentful. Then everyone is happy and you can go back to being Doris [very envious emoticon and if you tell me that the uniform he irons is something swoonworthy I may have to add you to The List]

4plus1 · 19/10/2010 20:20

Agree he can probably be trained to do some more tasks. But can empathise with the washing machine one.i completly forbid dh to put a hand near it or the tumble dryer. I have had too many beautiful clothes destroyed by him. Put him on a strictly emptying bins, hoovering, mopping and toy lifting duty. That should keep him busy!

4plus1 · 19/10/2010 20:20

Agree he can probably be trained to do some more tasks. But can empathise with the washing machine one.i completly forbid dh to put a hand near it or the tumble dryer. I have had too many beautiful clothes destroyed by him. Put him on a strictly emptying bins, hoovering, mopping and toy lifting duty. That should keep him busy!

4plus1 · 19/10/2010 20:21

Agree he can probably be trained to do some more tasks. But can empathise with the washing machine one.i completly forbid dh to put a hand near it or the tumble dryer. I have had too many beautiful clothes destroyed by him. Put him on a strictly emptying bins, hoovering, mopping and toy lifting duty. That should keep him busy!

Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 20:21

Agree with the idea of job division. I don't do laundry or ironing, DH hasn't stepped inside a supermarket for 20 years.
Works for us. Smile

anonymousbrainsnatcher · 19/10/2010 20:25

You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book!!!!

Mind you, I am deliberately crap at ironing, so DH refuses to let me anywhere near his shirts Wink so this old trick can work both ways.....

Original poster
wholelotofarse · 19/10/2010 20:26

[hgrin] Missmary he is bloody great though bless him and its his combats I am not allowed near (and I get scared getting his mess dress out of the wardrobe if he asks me to as if my mere clumsy touch will make it burst into flames) I do threaten to iron in another crease in them every now and then, usually when he tries to make me watch scary things on TV and I decide to do the ironing! What is The List? Is it 'orrible and am I on it now [slightly scared emoticon]

I like your idea pointy, he has managed to shrink a work shirt of mine amongst numerous other things, it now fits DD perfectly, she is 5 [hhmm] [hgrin]

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 20:27

It's not a trick for all. When I met DH, he was 28 and had lived away from home for 10 years.
It didn't take long to work out the things he was good at and the things he hadn't a clue how to manage.
Make of that what you will!

SuePurblybilt · 19/10/2010 21:03

There's no List (me again, trying on names for size tonight), I was kidding

Original poster
wholelotofarse · 19/10/2010 21:05

Hehe! Liking the new name [hgrin]

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 19/10/2010 21:06

[hgrin] why thank you. It's making me feel abit Sue-from-Accountspayable though, I may change again.