To be fed up with 'expats'...

[EveWasFramed72]

I am an American, living here in England with my British husband and children (who have both nationalities, but have only lived in England). I've been here for 4 years, and when we were first here, I was miserable;I was at home full time with a new baby, then preganant running after a toddler, basically no close friends, etc. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and got myself a life: went to uni, got a job, driving licence and created a life for myself outside of my husband. Now, I love our life here, I have loads of friends, a job I like, etc.

But...I am part of a group of American women living in the UK, some of whom have been here longer than me, married to British men. They won't drive, work, survive without several care packages of food from home(because they can't possibly eat what's on offer in England), basically, they sit around and moan about England, and how much better EVERYTHING is at home.

Now, I love my home country, and I do get homesick sometimes, but I just find myself fed up with these women who have given up on life because they are living abroad (and didn't they REALISE that marrying someone from another country means living in said country at some point???). When they aren't moaning, I do enjoy them...it IS nice to have home connections, but this attitude of deliberately NOT acclimating drives me nuts , and I feel like they make the rest of us who enjoy life in England look bad!!!

Rant over...I know, you're going to tell me to cut them off...and I have largely...just not completely.

I just want to know if this is 'typical' expat behaviour?????

I did study law (back in the day), and IMO surely that could be challenged on the basis of it being incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights - Article 14, which prohibits discrimination on grounds of race, sex, etc.
Or, there should be something within German law (there is within EU law) about not being allowed to discriminate on the basis of sex, which this law does.

It's interesting how much people believe in national identity. Of course we all know the stereotypes, but I'm amazed that people think that their children will be vastly different people if they grow up in a different country. Far more variation in attitudes between different people in the same country than different countries in my experience.

Back to the op, yanbu, it's nice to have little reminders of your home country but to take it to extremes is just silly.

And speaking of care packages, anyone want to ship me some ritz bitz and peanut butter twix?

It's ridiculous! I hadn't realised it was like that.

I mean, ex h's mother was German, never lived anywhere else and the children were born in Germany. I mean, how much more do you need to be German? But he did say she had to register him as a German. I had thought at the time, 'That is ridiculous,' but US nationality is automatic at birth - if you are born there, you are a US national.

I'm an immigrant and I can totally understand how someone can miss this and that from home or find the different ways in a new country frustrating. But some people who claim that absolutely everything is horrible here and absolutely everything was so much better back home - I really wonder why they are not using the same energy to find a way to move back?

Gaining British nationality if one of your parents was British but you were born abroad is still different depending on whether it is your mother or father who is British.

Nope tyler, not any more! When you apply for a passport you just have to include proof of your parent's nationality status. As long as either one is British (and not British by Descent).

Before 1983 it went through the father to married couples. After 1983 you could apply for it if you were eligible via your mother. Until July 2006 unmarried fathers gouldn't pass it on, regardless of whether they subsequently married the child's mother. Since July 2006 if either parent is British otherwise than by descent it can be passed down one generation automatically.

And it not automatic at birth, either. One parent or more needs to be either British or have permanent leave to remain here if the child is born in the UK, for that child to have nationality.

Nationality by descent is a tricky one.

I think it probably could be challenged. It seems like one of those internally contradictory laws that people have overlooked. But where on earth would one start?? And surely it would cost a fortune and not be worth it?

I meant the German thing, btw.

Boffin
You could also get in touch with David McAllister who is Ministerpraesident for Niedersachsen and German/British.

Boffin
I would start by contacting Feminist Party Germany. They might be able to give you some info and tell you where to start. They might know if this has been attempted before.

I think when you are living in another country sometimes it can be nice to get together with people from home to have a moan, a laugh and talk of 'the old country'. But don't let it take over your life and get out and live your live in your new country, enjoy the good bits, don't feel you're just passing time till you go home again. I used to think my home country and people were the best in the world, now after living in several countries I can appreciate the great bits from home, but it's also opened up my eyes to the 'not so great bits'.

My family emmigrated to SA in 1982, and I can remember my mam getting very excited by food packages she used to get sent to her. She didn't moan about the food or what you couldn/couldn't get though as the food in SA was good quality food (back then anyway).

We moved back to England in 1995 and I find myself buying SA food onine, things like biltong, droe wors and romany creams.

Abs, I had to change my accent pretty quicky when we moved back as it was a great target for bulies. Also had to change my clothes, shoes and hair style as didn;t conform to the norm here

OMG biltong is to die for.

Makes my mouth water. Even my dd who has never been to Africa but tried it, froths on about biltong periodically.

All this integration and fitting in on the outside is one thing and might help your dc become truely at home in the new place but it is all external. The truth IMO is that you will always stay foreign inside - and why not?

I lived in Tokyo for a few years and the expats drove me INSANE. No effort to integrate or learn the language, hiding in Tokyo American Club vaguely pretending they were still in the US and being crashingly xenophobic about the Japanese. Or going out in Roppongi

Mind, the last 6 months I was there I could tell I was ready to come home because EVERYTHING was starting to irritate me. And what I missed the most was friends who could understand where I was coming from and had at least a few of the same cultural reference points as me because no matter how fluent you are in another language, losing those touchpoints totally is hard. But the expats that don't even try make me very angry, it's really bad manners.

My Dad's been an expat in the US for years, and he's gone totally native, wearing cowboy boots and saying 'erbs and tom-ey-toes :) I still have to bring him a large bar of Cadbury's fruit and nut though whenever I visit and it was ages before he sourced PG Tips. I did get care packages from the UK with creme eggs and walkers crisps as well, I missed them loads. I think there are always thing you are going to miss, but it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking because things aren't the same then everything is inferior.

spill the beans on Roppongi please

I'm American and my mom was recently here for a visit. Was ridiculously excited that she brought Kraft macaroni and cheese, almond M & Ms, chiles, and hershey bars.

For the most part, have integrated, but have to admit doing a 'yabba dabba doooooo'.

Thanks, people. I will certainly follow this up. I had actually given up hope.

think it depends though, many expats now they are just there short term (a few yrs) before moving onto another country. Can understand why these people don't go the whole hog to assimilate - different if you are making your home somewhere, having your kids there and staying more long term.

Yes, am afraid that pretty much sums up expats in any country. I'm originally from the US, have lived in four different countries now, and have listened to all kinds of rants from expats of all nationalities. Everyone seems concerned with why things aren't done "properly" ie, the way things are done back home. :o

I agree, it can really be grating. I get particularly annoyed with Americans in the UK because yes, there's a cultural difference, but it's not as if you've been deposited into the middle of a remote Chinese village without speaking a word of the local language.

The worst sort were the ones during the Bush years (well, they still do it, but..) who kept banging on about how all other Americans were so ignorant and conservative and whatnot, but they were a special unique snowflake who was worldly and knowledgeable and everything that every other American wishes they could be. yawn.

(I will admit it's taken me a while to get into driving here, but that is mostly down to the fact that I was scared of driving a stick shift. Not to mention, our car is our car from when we lived in Germany, so it's left-hand drive. Now that I've driven my instructor's car, I really appreciate how much easier it is to be on the correct side of the car when driving on this side of the road. :o )

I have been thinking about this, and just posted on a thread about using Dettol, when it struck me.

The "food from home" is for me not so much the food itself, but the memories of my childhood.

One time I was home I bought a pack of cheap pizzas - the frozen ones that come in bags of 10 - because I remembered liking them when I was a teenager.

I would not buy these normally, and probably wouldn't if I lived in UK. It is nostalgia, the search for the familiar and the comfort we take from that.

I think so too Mme

I just typed the longest response EVER and I lost it!!! Grrr...

Will be back shortly...now I'm mning in between running around!

I've lived in the UK for 8 years and am happy here, but I'll always be South African. OP - your friends are taking it to extremes. I sympathise with the food things because I remember how long it used to take me to do my weekly shop. You don't realise how much you rely on your standard brand, the supermarket lay out etc. But you get over it. Now, there are still things I take myself off to SA shops to buy (bilton, tex bars mostly) and I import deodorant because bizarrely I have never found one l like here. But if I did ever go home, there are things I'd miss from here a lot - the convenience and variety of varied foodstuffs, washing powder (I'm convinced it's better here), taxis, great shopping, babybels...!

I'd miss my friends (english and south african) too, but I guess I'd have the friends I currently miss because they live in South Africa to compensate.

You are right Mme, I buy cherry ripes and kraft mac n cheese and burger rings.