to think people who don't bath/wash their DCs every night are lazy?

[BigMommaOf4]

I am shocked by the amount of people on here who state that they only bathe/wash their DCs once or twice a week. OK bad cases of excema accepted, I just think that's soooo lazy. No one IRL I know leaves it that long so is it just a peculiar Mumsnet trait because they are too busy MNing?

DTS1 has excema btw, I just cover him in an emollient before he gets in the bath and it does not exercerbate it.

I mean, come on, babies and toddlers in nappies, older Dcs not very efficient at bum wipeing - how can people leave them to fester for days?

In the 'olden days' when tin baths had to be got out and water boiled in a copper pot, obviously it was not possible every day but nowadays that's not the case.

Also my DCs love RELAXING in the bath/shower. It's not only for cleanliness. They love feeling warm, clean and comfortable before getting into bed. Even my 12 week old starts getting excited just from me taking him upstairs of an evening because he knows he's going in the bath and he adores it.

Do all these people, who only bath their DCs twice a year, have a bath/shower every day themselves? Bet they do! Feel sorry for the poor DCs.

YABU bathing everyday will dry out skin and is completely unnecessary unless they are actually dirty or smelly, which is not everyday until they hit puberty.

The lovely midwife who ran our ante-natal classes told us all that the 'bathe every day' advice was given out so that people would bathe their children at least 3 times a week - apparently research had shown that if parents were told to bathe them 3 times a week (which was the recommended amount unless there were serious dirt issues - DD had that horrible cheesy reflux in creases issue too :( ) then they found that the babies would only be bathed about once a week.

So the 'bathe every day' thing was overkill to ensure that most children would be bathed at least more than once a week...

OP, vabvr and u. But I suspect that was the whole point of this thread

YABU as well as rude and offensive to other people. Here's a thought for you; you parent your DCs how you want to and let others parent in the way they want to.

I am a "lazy" parent according to your post and do not bathe my daughter every day, although I do wipe her after she has been to the loo so she definitely doesn't "fester".

Sorry if I sound narky, but the OP has really annoyed me, such judgey posts really get my back up.

Every couple of days. Mine don't smell nor do they fester!

Not lazy, sensible!

Christ - wonder if the OP exoected this!

I think you should wash every day, bathing DD every evening was a firm and fixed routine. She is now rebelling against it as a teenager and is a soap dodger, and has to be strong armed upstairs and made to have a shower.

I am pretty ott with personal hygiene

YABU to assume it is due to laziness...........however my DC's 12, 5 and 15months have a bath everyday and I am a lazy so and so

OP, you are a patronizing know-it-all. Your "ooh, I hit a nerve" comment says it all, you think everyone is being defensive in the face of your supreme example of motherhood as opposed to thinking you are just plain wrong.

I had severe PND post DC1 and I would have had a breakdown if I'd had to bath her every night as it was so stressful and remains so to this day. OP, you are the sort of smug person the likes of me would dread meeting at mum/toddler groups who would spout "you're only a good mum if you do XYZ"; that's what you're saying in your OP, isn't it? You're just using "lazy" as a euphemism for "bad mother". The inexperienced/depressed mums like me would take on these comments as yet another rod to beat ourselves with. Yes, I did list not bathing DC every night as one of my massive failings. Until I stopped listening to people like you.

DC2 loves baths, would have one every night happily. Different children like different things even in the same family. To me, part of being a good mother is treating my children as individuals, not homogenised ego boosters. The DC who doesn't like to bathe does not have to provided she is reasonably clean, which is easy to achieve with a flannel.

I believe (please correct me if I'm wrong, anyone) that bathing babies/toddlers every night is a relatively recent phenomena introduced by baby gurus to get kids into a calming routine so they will sleep, ie, not an essential part of day to day hygiene. I prefer to get mine to sleep by reading and singing to them. If baths work for you, that's your call and your business.

Oh, and when your kids and their kids are smack in the face of environmental meltdown in 20 years' time, I hope you let them know how you contributed.

OP I think YABU to bathe your child daily and strip the natural oils from their skin, when they have excema, just because you are a hygiene freak! As others have said - kids that haven't been through puberty don't smell of BO and unless they are covered in food/paint/mud they don't need bathing daily. Also some kids hate baths so bathing them more than necessary would be silly.
I try and bath DC daily but if we've been out late and I don't have time and they miss a night they don't smell. Babies have their bums cleaned far more times a day than adults anyway. And my eldest is toilet trained and I MAKE SURE she wipes properly!

BigMommaof4 - what a nasty, narrow-minded and judgemental post! Is it at all lonely, up there on your pedastal?

Bugger - pedestal.

I don't bath my baby every day because her skin turns into a dry weeping mess if I do. So even though she loves baths, I only bath/shower her at most once a week. She doesn't need to have baths any more often than that, she's only 13 months old.

Well the OP can think me a lazy mother for all I care but I don't bathe my children every day either. They love to have a really long bath so we do that about 3 times a week, other days they may have a shower or just a quick wash.

They are never really dirty and sometimes I would rather do something else with them in the evening.

I really don't understand why people worry about these things anyway. What does it have to do with her how often we bathe our children!

I've decided to come back and expand on my previous post.

BigMommaof4 - if your children need/want/enjoy a bath every night, and you are willing to give them one, that is fine.

What is NOT fine is to come onto mumsnet and say that parents whose dc do not need/want/enjoy a bath every night are lazy for not giving them a nightly bath!

Why do you feel the need to denigrate other people's parenting choices? Bathing your children every night does not neccessarily make you a good mother. What makes a good mother (indeed, a good parent) is loving your children, being aware of their individual needs, and doing your best to meet those needs.

And maybe you did touch a nerve, but not because the other respondants on this thread secretly feel that they are bad mothers because they dont bathe their children every night - but because you have told them that you think they are lazy - which is rude and judgemental of you.

I feel that I am a GOOD mother for working out what was causing the intensely dry skin my baby had and doing something about it! I don't care one jot what the OP does or doesn't do with her children, nor her opinion of what other people do. I just pat myself on the back for not blindly assuming that there is nothing that can be done about intensely dry skin/exzema without masses of petroleum based oils and drugs.

And, I should have said that different children have different needs - so your parenting decisions might be entirely wrong for another child/family.

Either accept that fact, or order yourself a lifetime's supply of judgy-knickers, because believe me, you are going to meet numerous other parents who have made different parenting decisions to yours and you are going to spend most of your life judging them.

There are lots of perfectly fine and acceptable ways to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted children - it is NOT a choice between your way or the wrong way!

Oh dear. Poor baby's skin, being washed everyday! Please don't say you use soap and shampoo everyday too!

DD used to be bathed once per week, which has slowly increased to three times per week as she has become more mobile and feeds herself a bit (i.e. Inserts food into her ear and smears it over her head). I use shampoo very rarely. I wash her hands and face with a flannel when they need it, and use home-made bum wipes on her bottom. She's lovely and clean!

Every day is too much, I think. I don't shower every day either unless it's very warm.

I absolutely can't bathe my toddler every day as 90% of the time she poos in the bath! It is definitely not relaxing as everyone has to be on alert for her 'pre-poo' signals so as to whip her out in time. It has also given my ds a bit of a complex about the bath as he associates it with squeals of horror and a bottle of bleach!

In any case, as a life-long eczema sufferer, I know how bad bathing and showering every day is for dry skin.

What is the difference between a bath and a good wash outside the bath with a flannel and soap? Once every crevice has been washed, its not as if they would be cleaner by sitting in water instead.
My kids get a flannel wash every night, and a bath 2 or 3 times a week at most and are as lovely and fragrant as the day is long.

OP get over yourself and look to your own life to see how you can be better - there is always room for improvement! How about starting by considering how to be less self-righteous and judgmental of other people.

Nevercansaygoodbye - none of my three dses ever pooed in the bath - by the law of Universal Balance, this means that I am responsible for your dd pooing in the bath almost every time. I humbly apologise. [hsmile]

My children have showers every second night, sometimes it gets stretched to three. They don't have a shower at home from Thursday until Monday nights as they shower at the pool on Saturday. All three share a shower or else ds1 and dd share and the baby comes in with me.

Why?

Because there are 4 years between the eldest and youngest and ds1 is a nightmare (freaks out at water on his face, won't wash himself, won't dry or dress himself) so wash nights are hell.

It saves on power, or oil if we have any to heat the bath water, thus being better for us financially (dp is unemployed) and better for the environment.

They have activities several evenings a week which mean they're out until past bedtime as it is and i refuse to extend those night further by spending 30 minutes washing them.

In summer they shower most days if they've had sun cream on or are sandy but in winter when our house is freezing it's unnecessary and i believe unhealthy as they're going to bed with damp hair (ds1 won't tolerate the hairdryer and dd's hair is so long it takes ages and adds another 20 minutes or more to the bedtime routine while the boys trash the house) and freezing to death right after as the upstairs is frigid in this weather.

and because it's bad for their skin, when i was washing nightly i found i can to smear them with moisturisers constantly and they broke out in patches of dry skin whereas they're skin seems much healthier now that they don't get washed as often.

And you know what... I also don't use shampoo unless dd's hair is actually dirty. It's much sleeker and shinier and gets comments from eveyone on how healthy it looks when i don't shampoo it. And i never use body washes on them as they strip the skin of the natural oils they need, vitamin D absorbtion by the skin is almost non existant when soaps are used.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl - can you not encourage them just a little? it is a real pain arguing over whose turn it is to scoop the poop out.....

Dare I say it ....Bidet - Great for a bum wash if you have dcs in nappies and you just want to do a top and tail before bed !

OP - are you the sort of woman who uses vaginal deodorant?

I tell my kids that it's bloody dreadful to the environment to bath or shower every day, unless you REALLY need to.

My 3 have a shower and hair wash once a week and give themselves a face/bottom strip wash every night. I make the exception for muddy legs and the beach.

They don't need a bath every night, sorry nobody does. It's modern day madness. I don't want them covered in bath products daily. Far healthier to let skin be.

Also we're on a water meter.

They don't smell. What exactly is going to happen if they don't bath every day?

YABU
and environmentally unfriendly

Only just seen this thread.

Mine get probably three baths a week (max), wash hair once or twice a week (gets dry and knotty if do it more often), and have a quick wash every morning and teeth/face done morning and evening.

my kids don't smell or look dirty. they have clean clothes each day, and are generally well presented.

Bath time does NOT 'wind them down' in the evening as some people say - it gets them hyper at exactly the time I want them to be chilling out (used to be good when I had one small baby., but two kids splashing around noisily at 6pm is not relaxing for anyone).

What is this obsession with washing kids?

I'm not lazy, just not insane!