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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my neighbour would SHUT UP about her son!

74 replies

CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 19:06

He is 7 months younger than DD (2 years, 4 months).

ALL she ever talks about is her DS. When my DD was born she took zero interest in her, even though I lent her books on her pregnancy and she chatted to me about her bump (it was all about her pregnancy). In fact, I don't think she even bothered to learn DD's name until her DS came along and she though DD would be a useful friend.

Every time I see her, she yacks on and on about DS and never bothers to ask anything about DD or, in fact, anything else at all. She's even started to text me in the evenings to let me know what DS has or hasn't eaten etc.

Today, she saw DD in full temper tantrum mode, and me obviously very stressed. DD has was also in a bad way a couple of nights ago, which involved an ambulance turning up. So, when the neighbour saw us, she just said that her DS was a bit poorly (oh, by the way, he's ALWAYS poorly!) and watched me struggle to walk down the road with a screaming toddler. She clearly wanted me to stop and hear about his latest chesty cough, and it really pissed me off!

This doesn't sound too bad, but I'm just so sick of it now. I'm not the only wrong to think this of her. In our local playgroup, it's been commented on before. Whatever's going on in people's lives, she'll go on and on and on about her sickly DS. She's always going on about how much hard work it is too, but she has her parents attention on demand.

Am I being unreasonable to wish she'd just SHUT UP about her son?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 19:57

My theory is that she's simply a spoilt brat. Her rich daddy pays for a lot of her 'stuff' (despite being well into her thirties) and she's used to being the centre of attention. She's more important than everyone, naturally. The way she talks about her DH is awful too, just because he doesn't do everything just the way she likes it.

Anyway, I should stop now before I just wind myself up even more!

Thanks for your replies, all! :)

OP posts:
phipps · 18/10/2010 20:00

YABU.

I think she sounds in need of some support and guidance.

saffy85 · 18/10/2010 20:08

Sounds like she struggles to make friends, I can identify with this as I am the same. And no it isn't necessarily coz she's boring Hmm could just be that all you have in common is your DC so she talks about hers all the time.

I've only been to one or 2 baby groups simply because it was boring as all anyone ever talked about was their own babies, nothing else.

As others have said she might be depressed hence the anxiety about her son's health. Personally I think your bang out of order starting a bitchy thread about this woman when I bet you'll be all nice to her face when you next see her.

saffy85 · 18/10/2010 20:09

Btw your last post OP made you sound a tad bitter and jealous...

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:15

But I'd happily be friends if it was a friendship, but it's too one-sided. I was the one who tried to cultivate a friendship when we were both pregnant, but she wasn't interested (cold even) until her DS was born.

No, I'm not jealous. I thought it might read like that, but I genuinely don't have anything to be jealous of.

OP posts:
phipps · 18/10/2010 20:29

But now she has a child she wants to share that and is maybe going about it the wrong way. Someone who texts you what their child has eaten or not for tea is crying out for support. You sound like you think you are better than her.

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:35

Sharing is a two-way thing too.

She has ample support - family and other mums in the area. It wouldn't dawn on her to listen to others' problems and offer them support, by the way. She's far too busy talking about herself.

I think I'm just going to remain polite, but distance myself. Life's too short to be lumbered with people like that. There are people who genuinely need help. She's not one of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:38

Sorry to ramble, but one example which didn't involve me but I was in the conversation: a mum of a child the same age as neighbour's DS had to spend time over Christmas in hospital as her DS had serious respiratory problems. It was a big worry for everyone and the mum really needed a lot of support and a sympathetic ear. My neighbour turned up, and started to talk about how worried she was and thought she'd have to rush to hospital when her DS had a lot of shampoo in his ear and she was worried that he might have swallowed some. Of course he was fine. It was a non-event.

OP posts:
Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:40

The way she told the story was that it was more serious than the little boy who couldn't breath.

OP posts:
Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:40

Sorry! "Breathe".

OP posts:
proudnscary · 18/10/2010 20:41

You are getting unfairly slaughtered, commonsense. (The problem is that it's a bit mystifying why you posted about this, it seems rather gratuitous and snidey.)

Look, of course we can't or shouldn't have to befriend everyone especially if we don't like them!

And while there are some mothers who behave like this and may be 'crying out for help', there are plenty who are self-obsessed twonks.

CornflowerB · 18/10/2010 20:46

Some people think that sympathy is telling a story that is similar to yours. She sounds quite socially inept, but you are wasting too much time getting mad about this. Expand your circle of friends, spend less time with her, take up a new hobby or something...Really life is too short

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 20:47

Agreed, Cornflower!

OP posts:
RockBat · 18/10/2010 20:48

My not rich but not poor 'daddy' pays for a lot of my stuff too and I'm 39. Without him I wouldn't have a car or holidays or the house renovation that we had this year. Spoilt brat? No. Grateful as hell? Too fucking right. Maybe she is too. Maybe you're jealous?

Maybe she was too wrapped up in her own pg to take notice of yours? How interested were you in hers? Maybe she's not that great socially? Maybe she's trying to make friends? Maybe she does need a bit of support with her son if he's always ill, whether he actually is or not? Sounds like there are issues there. Maybe she's picked someone who is too wrapped up in her own life to bother about anyone else? Maybe your nose is out of joint because her boring you about hers isn't giving you the chance to bore her about yours?

I read your posts and I feel sorry for her. I don't know what I think about you...

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 21:00

Rockbat, she's not grateful she's very, very demanding and critical all of the time. No, I'm not jealous. There is nothing to be jealous of.

I was supportive throughout her pregnancy and was always asking her how things were going. I lent her books and maternity clothes etc.

I've tried to help her to make friends. She just can't maintain them and is bitchy about other people's children (a very, very bad habit).

I've supported her with her DS and all his minor ailments. I have no choice - it's all she'll talk about. There are only so many times you can recommend she takes him to the doctor though.

I couldn't bore her about my life as I never have opportunity to talk about it.

OP posts:
naghoul · 18/10/2010 21:04

just supporting the OP... there are enough threads in relationships about these 'all about me' people.

just be grateful that she's only your neighbour. Smile and nod and hide her on facebook (rather than defriend her) so she won't know and you don't have to see her next thrilling status!

Do you give her the advice you want to? If you just said what you think.. e.g. maybe you should cut down on DS's dairy, then she might not want to talk to you about it any more! I've found that people like this often just like whinging on, and when you cut the conversation down with constructive advice, they tend to stop asking me, as they don't really want an opinion, just a whinge!

maduggar · 18/10/2010 21:05

I think some posters ahve been a bit harsh! She would drive me bonkers. Can you reply to every single text with "fascintating"? Grin and I mean every single time, same response?

StephanieSays · 18/10/2010 21:05

Some people are just like this, they really are, you just have to and be polite.

saffy85 · 18/10/2010 21:09

She sounds alot like my mum OP who has had depression my entire life. Depression ime is the most selfish illness a person can suffer from.

I am truly sorry I think now that I was a bit harsh especially I have been known to get frustrated with my mum and we fall out. I do think this woman sounds like she needs help but it can be hard to help someone who infuriates you this much. My advice is to steer clear for a while if you can. I do this with my mum sometimes. It's the only way I can deal with her.

Summerbird73 · 18/10/2010 21:12

gosh why is suze being flamed???

YANBU, yes maybe she has ishoos but it is not up to OP to take the brunt of it and put up with this high maintenance behaviour.

my DS was rushed to hosp a few months ago, when i went to my Ante Natal group i was regaling the story to one of my friends who was genuinely concerned - then someone else in our group who sounds spookily like OP's neighbour cut in with 'well MY little one had to have calpol last night because he had a cold.......'

OP try and ignore her and be polite - i like the idea of the repetetive text response!

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 21:13

Lol, Maduggar I'd love to do that! I ALMOST once replied with "Sorry, this is >my name

OP posts:
Summerbird73 · 18/10/2010 21:15

jeeez she is bonkers! Hmm

Original poster
CommonSenseSuze · 18/10/2010 21:18

BTW, just as an aside really, but I've suffered from depression for years and have been known to burst into tears for absolutely no reason, in really daft situations. I think this is one of the reasons that I like to be able to support other people when they need it as I think I wouldn't have got by without help from friends (sorry, I know this is corny), but this person isn't in that situation. She's selfish, that's all.

Summerbird73, that person does sound like my neighbour except she won't give her DS Calpol as it has an E number in it.

OP posts:
theywillgrowup · 18/10/2010 21:23

YANBU she sounds bloomin self centred.me me me and somebody i would not have the patience or enthusiasm to spend time with

why does she have to be depressed,lonely,shy etc sure there must be just plain selfish and self absorbed about and she sounds like one

slow the relationship down,and if she mentions anything then tell her why,doubt she will even register what your saying

good luck

BeerTrixSixSixPotter · 18/10/2010 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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