to be hurt by him giving her this t-shirt?

[AvadaKedavra]

My partner's ex wife and children spent the day at ours yesterday and slept over - his ex wife forgot her pyjamas and asked to use one of Dp's t-shirts to sleep in. He duly goes and gets the exact same T-shirt for her to use that I have been trying to get my paws on myself for ages(Dangermouse and Penfold ) and he knows this.

Hence me going in a mood and words being had (after she had gone to bed though)

it's not a jealousy thing per se as we get on great but AIBU to be hurt by this either thoughtlessness or deliberate snub?
:(

He later said just wash it then after, but it's not the same is it??

You're over thinking it.

YANBU but I reckon on thoughtlessness rather than deliberate. A man would not think of this is the same way as a woman. He would be thinking "huh? it's just a t-shirt "

YANBU!! I'd be furious actually. It's surely hard enough having his ex wife sleep over (is that not weird for you??), but giving her a shirt of his to wear? No, No, Noooo!

His ex wife sleeps over? No way would I be happy with that, however well we got on.
Children yes, but partners? It's too close for comfort, as you've found out.

I think you're already being v v reasonable having the ex wife stay over.
If I were as cool as you about that, I think I'd be giving her one of my t-shirts anyway.

Also if she was sleeping over why did she foerget her pyjamas? Asking to borrow a t shirt is WAY too intimate.

YANBU, I'd be really pissed off.

If the situation was reversed I bet he'd be pissed off too.

Couldn't possibly say if he meant it as a deliberate snub though. Maybe he gave that one to her because your liking it so much meant it would be 'suitable' enough for a guest??

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Erm get over it!

He probably just thought it was one that was definitely considered OK by a woman, i.e. you.

You are getting upset over a T shirt?

sorry i don't buy the 'men wouldn't think like that' argument. EXp would never have done that. he would have asked me if I had anything she could borrow. he would definitely not give a t-shirt that he knew i wanted.

WRT his ex sleeping over, taht isn't for others to say whether it's OK. it is up to you and if you are uncomfortable with it then you tell your DH. otehrs on here have different relationships with their partners EXs so don't listen to any of teh 'i wouldn't be happy about that' business. maybe tehy wouldn't be happy but they are not you. if you are ok with it then that's all that matters.

Nah, I would't care about it. He most probably didn't see it as a big deal. If you're feeling secure in your relationship I don't see a reason to worry about a T-shirt.

i bet he didn't really think about it. tbh i'd be wary of a bloke wearing a dangermouse t shirt anyway

If you all get on well why ask him for a t shirt? why not ask you for a spare nightie or pjs?

Not sure i would like it but sounds like something you will have to let pass or cause a big fall out.

Why would people be pissed off and furious?

If OP liked t shirt so much why not get your own.

There is so much unnecessary angst and anger on MN at times in seems people are in a constant state of fury.

booooooooooyhoo I wasn't saying she shouldn't have the ex sleep over, just that I personally wouldn't be happy with it.

I would be very unhappy if my bloke gave something of his I had said I wanted to an ex.

Buy a nice cosy wincyette nightie for her to borrow next time she "forgets" her pyjamas.

He didn't give it! He found a T-shirt, one that had the Stamp of Female Approval, and lent it to her. Overnight.

I think btw that it is admirable that your DH and his ex get on so well, given that they have children.

disco i was more referring to the bit where you said "it's too close for comfort, as you have found out". it came across that you were saying the OP shouldn't be happy about the Ex staying over either as it was too close for her.

Yeah I guess it could come across like that. It just seemed that as a result of the ex staying over, the OP has been hurt.

I agree with motherinferior

i think for something as big as your partner's EX staying over, it would have been discussed (for me anyway)and i would have put alot of thought into that so i am guessing taht OP has thought all this through and gets on really well with the Ex. so i don't think it really was the staying over that was teh problem. unless this EX is really manipulative and 'forgot' her pyjamas on purpose, but that depends on OP and her partner falling for that one and if teh OP knows teh ex well enough to have her stay inher house i imagine she would ahve a fair idea whether teh EX was like that or not. i don't know, I'm just putting myself in this scenario and thinking what i would be do. OP may have eben persuaded by partner to let ex stay and not really be comfortable with it at all.

I really do not think that it is realistic to construe her PJ-forgetting as an attempt at seduction. What with the house being full of kids, his current wife and so on - really, I think your imaginations are a bit more fervid on this one than the circumstances warrant.

motherinferior, not sure if that is in response to my post but i will reply as though it is. i was not implying that teh EX was attempting to seduce her ex. i probably should ahve added a few in my post as it was said in a sort of "yeah right, as if" kind of way.