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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hurt by him giving her this t-shirt?

84 replies

AvadaKedavra · 18/10/2010 10:57

My partner's ex wife and children spent the day at ours yesterday and slept over - his ex wife forgot her pyjamas and asked to use one of Dp's t-shirts to sleep in. He duly goes and gets the exact same T-shirt for her to use that I have been trying to get my paws on myself for ages(Dangermouse and Penfold Blush) and he knows this.

Hence me going in a mood and words being had (after she had gone to bed though)

it's not a jealousy thing per se as we get on great but AIBU to be hurt by this either thoughtlessness or deliberate snub?
:(

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 18/10/2010 13:30

Tell him how you feel..you'll get over it..

chipmonkey · 18/10/2010 13:31

Avada, he did it to wind you up, surely! and succeeded. Do sometime nice for one of exes and see how he likes it!

Pixie83 · 18/10/2010 13:51

Avada - I find the whole idea of an ex staying over at all more strange than the t-shirt thing. Why does she need to and why would you/him want her to? None of my business I suppose but since you posted....

If she has to stay, for whatever reason, I would make sure she stayed in an adjoining room, then spend the night shagging very loudly - maybe I'm just immature....

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/10/2010 13:54

WHy didn't she borrow some PJs from you? YANBU, I am very sensitive and would probably cry my eyes out. Buy your own dangermouse T and stick two fingers up at your silly H.

booooooooooyhoo · 18/10/2010 14:01

pixie not all relationships end badly and not all new partners are jealous or uncomfortable with their partner's ex. many form great frindships with them. in OP's case it may be the equivalent of having a friend to stay.

Pixie83 · 18/10/2010 14:03

Boooooooooo - Yep I'm right then, I'm immature! Smile

booooooooooyhoo · 18/10/2010 14:12

ha, i wasn't saying that!

MadamDeathstare · 18/10/2010 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FranSanDisco · 18/10/2010 14:18

Why didn't she ask top borrow a nightie from you?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/10/2010 14:52

He probably opened the wardrobe / drawer, put in his hand and grabbed the first t-shirt that fell into it. I doubt there was even the thought that that t-shirt had the stamp of female approval Grin I would bet no thought at all!

open door/drawer- pull out tshirt - hand over tshirt.

JinnyS · 18/10/2010 15:53

I agree with Hecate

My DH is completely clothes blind

zippy79 · 18/10/2010 16:53

YANBU- I am suprised that you allowed her to stay in the first place !??!?![hshock]

GeekOfTheWeek · 18/10/2010 16:57

Yanbu and tbh I would be really hurt and pissed off with this.

If you all get on so well surely she could have asked you.

When we stay at friends I wouldn't dream of asking their dhs for a tee shirt, I would ask the woman. Just too much of an intimate thing to do imo.

upahill · 18/10/2010 17:11

WHAT? asking for a t shirt for a cover up is such an intimate thing to do!!!!!

Bloody hell the women was married to the fella shes been more intimate in the past than ask for a t shirt.

I really don't get this thread. There are a lot of vey fragile people around.

motherinferior · 18/10/2010 17:18

Yes, I was thinking the same, Upahill - I do think it's a credit to how well they all get on together. I think it's fantastic for the kids to have an atmosphere that seems to be quite relaxed.

booooooooooyhoo · 18/10/2010 17:24

i agree motherinferior.

GoreRenewed · 18/10/2010 17:27

What upahill said.

PlentyOfPockets · 18/10/2010 17:34

I don't think you're being unreasonable for being upset by this but I do think that on the whole, men don't attach the same emotional importance to objects that women do (unless football or cars are involved) so it's possible it never occurred to him that you'd be upset.

If it was me, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time and then go and get myself an even better Tshirt.

Original poster
AvadaKedavra · 18/10/2010 19:44

Absolutely no problem with her stopping over, they've been divorced for 4 years before I came on the scene. I think it's good for the children to see them (and us all) spending time together.

But I think whoever said insecure may have a point tbh, (nothing to do with the ex though)although I would still be upset if I was 100% secure, especially as I know it wasn't the first top to hand as well. I do think it's an intimate thing to do along with a few others.

SEA Grin
Upahill - I know it's not the most heartrendingly important of problems but it's important enough to have upset me so I am not going to apologise for venting Hmm

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 18/10/2010 20:21

Wearing someones teeshirt to sleep in is intimate imo.

I am neither fragile nor insecure.

upahill · 18/10/2010 22:45

Avada I wasn't having ago!!
It's all the talk from posters being 'Absoultely furious!'pissed off' It's just so over the top!

TheFallenMadonna · 18/10/2010 22:53

I'm not sure I get it. Would it have been better or worse if she had asked to borrow something of yours to sleep in? Or slept naked?
Should he have not lent her a tshirt? Or just not the one you like?

She's not keeping the t shirt?

Are you cross with him (as your OP seems to be) or her (as subsequent posters have suggested they would be)?

Heracles · 19/10/2010 01:01

It's a fucking T-shirt, for pity's sake. Thanks god he didn't lend her some pj bottoms or you'll have had an attack of the vapours...

yesyouknowme · 19/10/2010 01:06

is this a joke?
you are upset he LENT a t-shirt of his you like?

Get over it

MaMoTTaT · 19/10/2010 01:27

what upahill and motherinferior said (and Hecate).

oh - and the OP hasn't said it - but perhaps the ex didn't ask her for a pair of PJs/nightie as they're not the same size??

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