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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wyallfi?

50 replies

Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:06

By which I mean:

You will find love:

When You are Least Looking For It.

Oh really?

Like when you're TTC and the best thing you can do is stop and relax and just let it happen?

Oh really? so, if I want to find a nice man, I should just stop looking? And it will just fucking happen?

Your thoughts are welcome

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 16/10/2010 21:08

Sometimes cliches are cliches because they're true. If you're coming across as too desperate keen, you'll put men off.

(Of course, you won't be doing that, OP, just that others might.)

phipps · 16/10/2010 21:09

I stopped looking, was myself, met a cracking man. Grin

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:11

Not been desperate at all, just had FIVE people say to me this week, oh it will happen when you least expect it

All long term married/partnered off out of touch

makes me mad

OP posts:
Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:11

shut up phipps

OP posts:
TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 21:13

It's always in the last place you look.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:13

seriously, I have three friends allm ttc, I wouldn't dream of saying 'oh rfelax, stop trying...' but they all say to me 'oh stop looking, he'll find you'

what's the diff?

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 16/10/2010 21:14

Is it just a kind way of saying 'you're coming over a bit desparate'?

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:15

so, what's the difference with the forbidden 'just relax, stop trying' and the 'stop looking to find a man'?

OP posts:
phipps · 16/10/2010 21:15

You did ask.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:15

what make you think because I want a man I'm desperate?

OP posts:
florencerusty · 16/10/2010 21:18

'It's always in the last place you look.'

Surely that's because you stop looking once it's found?

TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 21:18

It means 'shut up and listen to us talk abut ttc because we have found men already'

DuelingFanjo · 16/10/2010 21:18

because when you have infertility relaxing really isn't going to make you pregnant. Infertility is a proper diagnosed problem with making babies. It's just not the same thing at all.

Well... unless there's something about a person's personality which makes them kind of unattractive to everyone I suppose?

When you can't have a baby it really very often means that even if you slept with 100 men you still wouldn't have a baby because something inside you doesn't work the way it is supposed to.

I dunno - maybe you are right? Maybe a person who can't find love... maybe it would be kinder just to say - 'there must be something wrong with you that you can't change'.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:19

df - why do you think I'm coming over as desperate? I've always respected your opinion, I think we're a similar age, why do youi think becaue I am hoping to find a nice man am I desperate?

OP posts:
TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 21:19

Exactamundo florence!

bruxeur · 16/10/2010 21:20

Not so much desperate as shrill, tbh.

From the evidence presented, anyway.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:22

oh, fuck, there's something wrong with me that I can't change?

I dont think so

OP posts:
TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 21:22

It means they don't want to talk about it, they want to be generically reassuring but they really don't want to get into it.

It's bollocks - having a social life takes effort, most of us don't meet new people every day unless we make an effort to go out and meet new people.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:23

oh, I'm SHRILL and DESPERATE?

why?

OP posts:
TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 21:26

^ That's why ^

Unless you're reading this in the silly 'most recent post at the top' format, in which case I can't do a very good pointer.

DuelingFanjo · 16/10/2010 21:26

I don't think you are desparate, honest. I don't know you so I can't possibly tell. I honestly think both phrases are a bit rubbish. It's what people say when they don't know what else to say I guess.

Sorry, I didn't mean to personally relate it to you.

fedupofnamechanging · 16/10/2010 21:26

I do think some people give off 'desperate' vibes and men run a mile. When they stop giving off those vibes, men, being contrary, suddenly discover an interest.

A nasty flatmate once asked me why she couldn't get a man. I had no tact and told her my desperate vibes theory and she wouldn't talk to me for a week! I was right though, and now she's reeled some poor sucker in. Not really relevant, but she made her bridesmaids wear turquoise, so really not a nice girl deserving of true love Wink

I wouldn't tell someone ttc to relax though. Not unless I wanted to get thumped!

DuelingFanjo · 16/10/2010 21:30

To turn it round a bit, I have a male friend who seems unable to stop seeing every woman he meets as a potential partner. So he is constantly disappointed because he wants to leap into a relationship with them almost immediately when quite often they just want to be friends. He's sad all the time and always says things like 'why are women so complicated' and 'why doesn't anyone ever just want to be with a nice man like me' ... it's really desparately sad and I feel like telling him to stop attaching special significance to every single woman he meets, just be friends, stop trying so hard etc. Not that I would say that to him... but maybe someone should.

Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:31

I'm, very laid back about it and go on lots of dates, but every man hs been shit because:

boring
smelly and unclean
married
living with their mother at over 40
made me pay a £140 restaurant bill
boring
dull

that's just the latet batch

everyone is saying to me to 'just stop looking and I'll find my true love' ok, so I stop and what happens?

OP posts:
Original poster
Katiekitty · 16/10/2010 21:33

sorry, typos a plenty as my keyboard is not working!

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