To have these feelings of hate towards DH?

[lennon80]

I am harbouring intense feelings of hatred towards my DH this evening. Let me explain I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and have had a dreadful pregnancy was sick as a dog from week 4-17 but carried on working full time and would come home and cry as I had never felt that awful before. I started with SPD pain at 14 weeks and by this point now I am crippled with pain. He sees how I stuggle to get out of bed going to piss eight times a night and how I can barely walk etc. I have had preterm labour scares, have intense braxton hicks since 30 weeks which are agonising due to the SPD. Any way yesterday they sent me to have a diabetes gloucose test as my urine kept coming back with gloucose in. I told DH I didnt think I had it but of course would still be going for the test.

Yesterday morning he turns around and says I am 'the boy who cried wolf' and that my SPD 'isnt that bad all women get it' and 'you can still walk'. I cried all day when I got home from the hospital as I feel like he has no idea of the pain I am in and I am getting no thanks for it whatsoever.

I feel so upset but also I am feeling hate towards him too that I just want to smack him around the face or go to my mothers for the rest of the pregnancy (I would if I could drive there myself..but I cant even do that anymore). Is this me being unreasonable or my hormones or was DH a total twat?

Alibaba..no the housework is usually shared but at the moment since my premature labour scares he is doing pretty much all of it. You are also totally right, if it was the other way around and he was carrying our baby I would want to know every last detail. I really thought he would be better than he has been and its really saddened me. I think being Mr nice only lasted so long with the pregnancy and he has got sick of me being inactive.

He is being a total twat.

It's a shame that you are being attacked for pointing out the bleeding obvious point that men don't get pregnant and therefore have zero chance of suffering pregnancy symptoms.

He should be extra nice to you when you are pregnant, happily take on the extra work, do whatever else he can to make your life easier while you go through it.

lennon80 agree with BeenBeta you need to talk to your GP or midwife now if you are in this much pain - my stepsister still has problems 8 years after SPD with her DD. Do you have crutches or a wheelchair? Have you been prescribed with any kind of painkiller?

If you aren't approaching the problem medically perhaps your DP is a bit fed up and just vented in a clumsy, thoughtless, lashing-out way - sounds like some proper talking might be useful. You can't be a bear with a sore head (or hips) constantly and expect him to be a complete angel at all times, regardless of how grateful or not he is for you bearing his child. So TALK to him.

If you read some of the other threads on this site you might feel a tiny bit grateful that he even does the housework for you! I am in open-mouthed amazement at what some women put up with. My DP is never very cheerful when he does a bit of housework - and neither am I, TBH - it just doesn't fill my life with joy.

And snapping at posters on this thread who might be trying to see your DP's point of view won't get you anything but complete agreement or abuse - or perhaps that's what you wanted? Complete unquestioning sympathy or to shout at the world because you hurt so much?

Fridaynightscreamtight..I will show him this thread as soon as he comes home. I need to try to resolve this as it cant be good for the baby for me to be feeling hostile and upset.

My DP doesn't "get" pregnancy stuff. He still offered to rub my back, ran me bubble baths, hoisted me out of them, passed me the tissues whenever I got teary over stupid stuff.. you get the picture. Being clueless about this stuff doesn't make it ok to be insensitive.

YANBU your DH is a douche bag. I have never personally met a woman with SPD (AFAIK) and only know a handful who had really bad morning sickness past 12 weeks. You have been through the mill and he should cut you a bit of slack.

Hope you feel better soon. Meanwhile give someone who's good at sympathy a call and put your feet up with a big bar of dairy milk. Always makes me feel better

dittany: no I cant drive long distance any more and she is over 100 miles away. I live in a different city to my family..which I can see now may present as a problem if DH continues to be unsupportive.

Oh my goodness me. Lennon 80 - you say you can't drive to go to your mothers. Can your mother drive to come and get you? You need to be elsewhere right now. You need to be cared for and looked after. A few days with mum and some honest chat, hopefully you have that sort of relationship because you say you want to be with her, should help get this into perspective. At the very least it might give dh a reality check and some thinking time which he obviously needs; either to come to terms with his crass insensitivity or being sympathetic towards him the fact that he is responsible for you as his dp or wife and shortly for a young and vulnerable family.

Good luck my love - sort your head, make sure you are getting optimal medical care - put yourself first and find people to support you. The ones who love you will.

Let us know how you get on.

What's the matter with him FFS?

Why does he need to belittle your pain?

Unbeleivable!

Could your mum come and fetch you.

Thanks for the links..the dads one is especially helpful as it states how symptoms can differ from day to day. I have found if I rest up for a few days I start to feel better then I may do something like go to the supermarket or hospital appointment and the following day I am in agony because of it. I have painkillers but I dont want to take much more than the paracetamol as I heard codine based drugs can have adverse effects on the baby's breathing. I really dont want to take any chances. Luckily my work have been great and that has taken a great deal of stress away as I have been able to do a lot of work from home.

I had this with my second pregnancy.

It was agony

I had a c-section and whilst all the other mums were stooped, shuffling round the ward, I was nearly skipping, cos compared to pre-birth pelvic pain, post c-section pain was nothing (obviously tis very painful usually - it's all relative...)

Please show your Dh this thread.

He might start to understand.

Pain wears you down, it really does :(

Wishing the pain away for you Lennon80 :)

Thanks onceamai and gorerenewed, my mother doesnt drive so she cant fetch me. I wish I could go home as I now feel really alone because I thought we were in it together but I see now that really as a woman you bear this alone and I feel heartbroken that this is actually how he feels.

You should tell him it's lucky you have SPD, otherwise your right foot would be seeing to it that this would be his last child.

Isn't it just possible that he's just having a bad time of it, working full time, doing everything around the house etc and he said it out of frustration. Not excusing it btw, but if that's his only transgression then i think YAB(abit)U. Speak to him, see if he's sorry.

FWIW my DH doesn't "get" pregnancy at all, but he still manages to be nice and supportive (even if it is obvious that he is not very interested in the details).

FrightNightScreamTight Yes I am worried about preterm Labour though as I was in hospital at 30 weeks and my cervix was soft, there was a show and I was having regular contractions. It scared me to death but now I just dont want to take any chances. I might have the odd one though if it gets too bad.

How far away is your mum? Can you taxi to station at each end tomorrow?

I could do but then I have my final two days at work Monday and Tuesday and so I would have to come back again on Sunday evening as I plan to go to the office as I wont see them all for a year and I have stuff to sign off etc. I also ave a midwife appointment next Thurs and antenatal class on Friday so I feel stuck here and disempowered without my car..you dont realise how dependant you are on it for freedom until you cant use it..esp when you live in a city away from your nearest and dearest.

Hi Lennon80 - I'd go to your mum's in the morning for a few days at least. Move your last few days at work to Tues/Weds - see midwife Thurs. By then you may have a bit more perspective on all of this. If you tough it out until next Friday - at least plan a little trip home after that - the break may do wonders for your self esteem and dp might realise what he could lose if he doesn't buck up his ideas. You may find when you finish work that things seem much much easier once you are getting sufficient rest. Off to collect dd now from a party but back soon.