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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that giving a flat to a 16yr old with a baby is wrong

138 replies

twirlymum · 15/10/2010 13:34

In my capacity running a voluntary youth group, I have a few of the girls as friends on facebook (that's another debate).
One of them is 16, and her baby will be a year old in December. She currently lives with her grandmother, as she doesn't get on with her mum.
Last week, she put as her status 'FML, fed up with rules, going to the council to get a flat'.
A friend (judging by the photo in her 30's) commented that it's not as easy as that, the council don't just hand out flats willy nilly, and that in the circumstances, she'd be better off where she was.
What followed was a barrage of comments from other friends (at least five), all saying pretty much the same thing:
you are entitled to a flat, they have to give you a two bedroom place, you'll get a grant to furnish it, the council pay your bills etc.
I was a bit stunned, is this the case? I had thought it was something the media hyped up, but maybe I'm wrong??

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 15/10/2010 14:11

YANBU, unless she is working and self supporting. Our generous system is one of the reasons our teen pregnancy rate is so high - easiest way to get a place and money handed to them without them ever having worked a day in their lives.

Mum and baby units would be the way to go, support and advice to get them into work with good childcare in the vacinity.

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:11

I can assure you had my marriage to my exH had broken down when I was 25 (already with 2 children) I wouldn't have needed any support and guidance from a "foster family"

How bloody patronising!

Actually I can think or one or two people in their 30's I know who could do with support and guidance.........shall we just make it a blanket rule that if you end up with a baby on your own you need to be shown how to behave like an adult regardless of age and circumstance Hmm

AMumInScotland · 15/10/2010 14:11

How do you know a 25 yo single mum "needs support and guidance" beyond what she has from her own family and friends? She may have raised younger siblings/nieces & nephews. She may be a sensible adult person, who just happens to need council housing at this stage in her life. Same if she was 18.

I agree 16 is still technically a child in some ways, and unsupported life in a flat is probably not the best thing for her, but that could be dealt with by providing a "mentor" to pop round regularly and make sure things are going ok.

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:14

I hate this stereotyping of teenage parents (or young parents in general as it appears we're talking up to 25yrs old now) that crops up on threads like these.

Obvioulsy in the OP's case she thinks that the girl in question isn't mature enough to cope - but that's not a blanket rule that fits all young/teenage parents.

JockTamsonsBairns · 15/10/2010 14:14

Clumsymum - that post is such complete and utter bonkers, I don't know where to start with it Grin

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:22

I actually have no doubt at all that the girl that is due any day is going to do a great job. She's pursuing the private rental option over the council option as she wants to try and live near to the school her (much younger) siblings go/have gone to as she wants her DS to have a good education.... (the catchment area isn't particularly expensive compared to the council areas - but the school 100x better).

And she's used her EMA that she'd saved to buy some furniture, and has sourced other free furniture (all being stored in her parents garage right now Grin) to furnish where ever she eventually gets to live.

EricNorthmansMistress · 15/10/2010 14:27

You cannot legally hold a tenancy before 18, although the council will sometimes house under 18s with children in PR flats if they are in need. Usually it's B&B though. Pareents with children will always be considered in priority need of housing if they are homeless. In my area they would go to B&B for a while then a one bed flat where they would likely stay forever more. I have friends with 3 children in a one bed. You are not allowed to turn down flats either. It probably varies though if you live in an area where there is less competition for social housing.

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:29

Yes I think the days of being able to turn down housing without any negative consequence to your position in the queue are mostly long gone.

Original poster
twirlymum · 15/10/2010 14:30

This girl (and her friends) live in South east London

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 15/10/2010 14:32

Huge pressure on social housing in London - seems very unlikely she'd get housed quickly and into a 2 bed flat. A friend of mine was evicted and made homeless, three children under 5, and she was given ONE ROOM in a hostel.

Original poster
twirlymum · 15/10/2010 14:38

Moon, that's what I would have thought, but there were at least five girls, all 16-17, who said they had been given flats. I was stunned tbh.

OP posts:
Thingumy · 15/10/2010 14:40

I'll have some of what clumsymum is on

harassedinherpants · 15/10/2010 14:46

I was a teenage mum (18), and I certainly didn't need a foster family!!

It wasn't practical to stay with my family and I wasn't with the baby's father, so with a bit of financial help from my parents I private rented a flat. At a later date (after marrying babies father and having a 2nd baby) we did get a council house, but purely because the council had just done up a whole estate and had a quite a few houses available at the time so we got bumped up the waiting list quite quickly. This was around 1991 as ds2 was tiny when we moved.

coodles · 15/10/2010 14:52

Round here,I've seen one way to get a house is for parents to formally evict their daughters,who are then treated as homeless and placed in hostels with their children. Not pleasant, but if you are prepared to do this, you will be rehoused far more quickly.

They are then banded as priority A for rehousing purposes and I've seen several in the last year be given two bedroom houses. All were 19/20 years old, and all were given full HB CTB.

The waiting list here is several thousand strong and I know of people who wait for years.Difference is they are considered adequately housed even if living in overcrowded or poor private rentals.

Charleney · 15/10/2010 14:56

So if you are on your own and pregnant you are able to get a private rent property and be given housing benefit to pay for it??

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:58

yes - if you are able to find a LL to take you on knowing you're on benefits you can private rent. They will pay the LHA rate for what you are entitled to - it may (or may not) cover the entire rent - depending on how lucky you are in what comes on the market when you need a home, and whether you find a home htat is the same price, or less than the LHA.

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 14:59

There are 100000's of people around the country, 2 parent families, single parent families, working families and single people (no children) who get HB to help cover their private rental.

Clumsymum · 15/10/2010 15:02

A single mother who brings a child into the world without any family support and without any money, needs support and guidance, whatever her age

Which is different to a mother who has a child whilst in a stable relationship which later breaks down, or who has parental or family support (emotional and financial).

Charleney · 15/10/2010 15:02

I did not know that..
I thought it was only council properties people would be eligle for in that situation..

PoorlyConstructed · 15/10/2010 15:06

you know the local authority don't just 'give' you a flat. They may agree to rent one to you, but they don't gift-wrap it and give it to you. Also, it's odds on it will be a hell hole in a crappy area.

I think the thing to be annoyed at here is not that she wants to get a flat of her own, but that there is so little local authority / housing association housing remaining in this country (especially good quality housing in decent areas) that most people have no change of ever getting to the top of a waiting list and so have to pay a buy-to-let landlord's mortgage for them.

Also Shock at the idea that 25 year olds should be placed with foster families.

EricNorthmansMistress · 15/10/2010 15:07

Charleyney
Many LAs will encourage you into PR as it beecomes no longer their problem, and if you get yourself evicted you might not qualify for housing again.
Clumsymum - cloud cuckoo land. Being pregnant does not = in need of accommodating into the care system. Do you have any idea what that would entail? No, of course not.

MaMoTTaT · 15/10/2010 15:08

Clumsy - plenty of mothers find themselves single after falling pregnant - having been in a stable relationship.

My BF's DD (no.2 mentioned above) had been with her fiance for 4yrs, he was working, and they were planning on moving in toether (although already living together at my BF's house).

He upped and left when she was 7 months pregnant - not an unfamiliar story.

I very nearly split up with exH when I was 4 months pregnant with DS3 (had already found a house to live in and paid the agents fees and parrt of the deposit when he agreed to give it another go).

If I'd gone through with it then (in hindsight should have done it then........) I would have brought DS3 into the world without any family support or money.

I still wouldn't have needed a bloody "foster family" to help me and treat me like a kid

Charleney · 15/10/2010 15:11

The thing is my friend has split up with her boyfriend and she is pregnant, as she is working at the minute but on the sick, the council told her that for a private rent she wouldnt only be entitled to £58 per week towards private rent which would be a room in a shared house basically.
At the minute i dont think she wants to go back to work because of the stress and things are making her ill.
If she left her job and requested private rent would she get more than the £58 a week?
Unfortunately i dont have the room to take her in with me and she is on her mums sofa at the minute..

terryble · 15/10/2010 15:17

There may have been a point at which all that was possible but I think it's long over. The really tragic thing is that the media's witterings about council flats has perpetuated the idea it's possible.

When I was 18, I ended up homeless (parent's alcoholism and violence escalated sharply, culminating in neighbour calling police, blah de blah de blah). You get the idea. So I ended up living in a hostel for 16-25 year olds (hostel has now closed down- I think it's a real shame). I stayed in that hostel for about two years trying to earn points in order to be put forward for a permanent council housing. The same time-scale applied to the young mothers in the hostel.

I am quite angry with the Daily Fail and similar, really. Some of the girls came from reasonably well-off Daily Mail-reading families. They and their parents had never claimed benefits before. So they thought that having a baby would be a good way to get away from their (somewhat abusive) families, because they'd get a flat. I felt so sorry for them, I really did.

NordicPrincess · 15/10/2010 15:18

um im 24 should i be living with a foster family? fuck off, were not all retards you know. help should be offered not forced and the mum should be able to ask for it not have it shoved down her neck. Years ago people were buying houses at 18 and having babies, they coped fine why is it suddenly everyone elses business when they have had a baby.

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