have been told to pull self together by DH

[duckduck]

I fell PG three months into new relationship, got married when 5 months PG, was burgled, new(ish) DH has 2DDs from previous marriage - he stayed living with them, moved in with me after baby born, went to Afghanistan (voluntary mobilisation) when DS was 8 weeks old for 5 months.

My mum had brain surgery the day DS was born and I was up and out 21 hours after ELCS to see her.

I kept up DSDs access visits when he was away so they could see baby and my DD and DS from previous.

DH came back, I got PG again but MC, then PG and when 17 wks gone my mum got v ill and had 5 episodes of brain surgery whilst I was PG. She was terribly ill, lost ability to walk/talk/feed herself and me and aunty went in to see her every day to help with care & be with her. On xmas day she was alone in ward and Dad was in different hospital with meningitis so I hardly saw the 5 kids at home.

She then had an op which went wrong and resulted in me having to make decision to remove life support for her three days before DD4 was delivered. Had blood tests which involved driving straight from mortuary where I said goodbye to mum and left her a mothers day card, to labour ward for bloods which showed high titre levels for anti-c.

Baby was born with HDN and had complete blood transfusion and platelets at 5 hours. We had "the talk" from the Paeds that night but she pulled through and was on the same machines and antibiotics as my mum had been on the week earlier - same alarm bells/monitors etc.

DD4 was in hosp for 12 days in NICU and was allowed out on the day of my mum's funeral but they gave DD4 last antibiotic at 12 and Mum's funeral was at 1pm, 2 hours away and I missed it.

I got out of hosp and got cab home to empty house with DD4 and when DH and my other 3DKs came home he also went to get DSDs, his mum, his sisters and they all came round and had a "fun" time. I stayed up in my room with head spinning. Now SIL and MIL said my welcome was so frosty and I was so unfriendly that they won't come to see me so I have had to apologise for my "behaviour".....

AIBU to be resentful about this.... AIBU to not be allowed out with my mates to drown sorrows now DD4 is on bottle.... AIBU in that am I feeling too low to stand up for myself and go out anyway and tell MIL to F off? I really miss my mum. I feel really awful at having to make the decision to remove life support.

AIBU to feel really bloody sorry for self and p'd off with DH who is getting annoyed with the "prolonged grieving"... DD4 is now 7 months and is finally getting up to strength.

Ranting, miserable, sorry for self, pitiful old bag that I am just had to get that down...

Oh and my dad isn't particularly welcome round when DH is at home because he is over indulgent with my kids.... and he's pretty lonely now...

SORRY...... realised what a mega long rant that was

thanks, i have been putting off councelling, though they offered it to me in hosp. Life is so busy with 4+2 and DH that it is only now that I have had the whatsit to post this, I have been thinking about it for ages.

I think you lot have done more than most councellors would do who seem to not give opinions, but if I get too low again I will.

oh well, off on school run and tescos.. have a good weekend you lovely lot and THANK YOU as getting it off my chest and written down has helped anyway...

I might give the sod what for this weekend anyway, except DSDs are turning up in about an hour! xxxxxxxx

You've had a horrible time and are def not being unreasonable. If your 'dh' can't support you now it speaks volumes about the kind of man he is.
Concentrate on getting yourself strong then decide if this is what you really want/need from your relationship.
Wishing you the best of luck.

DuckDuck: please, please do get some counselling, it sounds horrid what these people are putting you through.

I had a bad time with DP's family a few months ago (thankfully they are now being very kind and the relationship is much better) and had the same thoguths you seem to be having, and talking to a professional really helped.

Feeling isolated is the worst thing and if you are not even seeing your dad that much, I imagine you are feeling that.

Best of luck, and remember that your mum would (I assume) want you to be happy and healthy, rather than hanging on to bricks and mortar.

Just a quick post about inheritance tax - when it's related to a property you can pay it in installments over 10 years, so no need to put the property into joint names to raise a mortgage.

Also, ask your probate solicitor if any tax savings can be made by making a DEed of Arrangement, as this can sometimes reduce the IHT bill, depending on what was in the estate.