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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fucking loathe myself?

52 replies

blueascanbe · 15/10/2010 10:30

I've name changed for this.

I can't be fucked with anything anymore. My lo is 9 months old and I haven't taken him outside in a week now. There's no-one to go and see, nothing to do which doesn't involve money and no nice places to walk to.

I try so hard to be the perfect wife and mum, and it just goes tits up. H always jokes and says that I'm so lazy, but he says it so often that I'm starting to believe it.

I hate sex, I can't fucking stand it. I only have sex with H to keep him interested, as I'v got it into my thick head that he'll just leave me for some beautiful woman if I don't.

I want to feel me again. I want to have a laugh and go out more with H. I want to stop feeling tearful and lonely.

OP posts:
chaya5738 · 15/10/2010 11:12

I love your honesty hellmouthcustardo!

ThinneverVetch · 15/10/2010 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rdmommy · 15/10/2010 11:15

well done! you will be on the road to recovery from 3.15pm! write down how you feel so you have it to back you up. You will feel better.

I didn't sleep with my dh for the whole pregnancy with dd1... i then only slept with him once while i breastfed her for 6 months ... the next time we had sex i got pregnant with dd2.. and didn't have sex for that whole pregnancy either- poor bastard!!!! It will come back and if they are worth their weight they will pop off to the loo if they are in dire need!!

good luck! xxx

hairymelons · 15/10/2010 11:15

blueascanbe, please go and see your GP. You sound very depressed. Agree that it may be PND or it may be your situation but it's difficult to separate the two.

I hate my life, my DH, having sex, being at home, going out, looking after myself or my child and even just bothering to breathe when I'm depressed. When I'm not, life is enjoyable, even the laundry :)

Sorry you feel so shit, it's especially hard when everyone else seems to be so normal and good at coping. Loads of us have a thoroughly shit time at some point in the first year or so of having a baby. You are not alone- and there is lots you can do to feel better. Make the doctors your first port of call. Then explain to your DH how utterly shit you are feeling and that you are not lazy but depressed. You need his support but he might need you to tell him what to do. My DH is lovely but really tactless sometimes and needs telling what not to say!

Do you have any friends or family nearby? Anyone that can come round and babysit whilst you have a bath/ go out for a glass of wine coffee? A bit of time to yourself is good for the soul. It doesn't cure anything but it's good to take a breather.

Call the GP first though :)

atmywitssend · 15/10/2010 11:21

I am so sorry that you feel so low. Having a baby is hard, your whole life changes and it is difficult to adjust. You have been really brave to articulate your feelings on here and going to see the GP is a good move.

I hope that the GP can help and/or point you in the right direction to get help.

Being a mummy does get easier.

I

granhands · 15/10/2010 11:25

Hi Blue,
are you me? I live in cambs, have a nearly 9 month old and haven't been out in a week. I was invited out today but said no because I have no money and can't be bothered to get dressed. Nothing fits me and I look awful.

My HV threatened to come and see me, but I lied and said I was going out.

However I am not depressed, just having a lazy skint week, PM me if you want, if you live nearby we could meet up.

Take care GH

GoreRenewed · 15/10/2010 11:31

Good for you !

I know it's upsetting when you think you are coping without the drugs and then it goes wrong again. I tried to come off a year ago and turned into a scary, miserable, screaming, sobbing harridan. It's shit!

But the point is they get you back to 'normal' and then you have a stable foundation to build your cure. And you can do that bit - get out of the house more, get a hair cut, take up some sort of exercise (I heartily recommend that one), heal your marriage, enjoy your baby.

Oh and btw, tell your DH that his 'jokes' aren't funny!

VinegaRigamorTits · 15/10/2010 11:32

fantastic news about getting an appointment today

does your dh know how you feel? you must talk to him and let him know

elportodelgato · 15/10/2010 11:37

Blue, well done for making an appointment with the GP. As lots of people have said already, this sounds like classic pnd to me and your doctor will hopefully be able to refer you for counselling and / or prescribe something for you immediately. Please rest assured that they will take you seriously and that you will feel so so much better simply for having spoken to someone about it.

I had pnd about 7 mo after my DD was born and lots of what you're saying here is so so familiar. It is a horrible pit of despair and you can feel so trapped, but it is RIDICULOUSLY common and it will will will get better. I remember the relief when I told the HV I was not coping, just to be able to let it out was very helpful.

Its easy to feel trapped at home when you have a LO and no money and you feel like shit - are there any free sure start groups you could go to? or just take the pram and go for a walk? can your dp help at weekends and give you an hour or two to yourself to have a haircut / go for a swim / sit and have a coffee / read a trashy mag in peace?

Please come back and tell us how it goes at the GPs today - you are by no means the only woman who has these feelings and just by posting on here you are taking a massive step.

Lots of love to you and your gorgeous baby

hairymelons · 15/10/2010 12:33

x-posted with you, good news about the appointment.

washngo · 15/10/2010 15:22

well done, hope the appointment goes well and your gp provides a sympathetic ear and offers you some practical solutions as well. Sending good thoughts your way.

Longtalljosie · 15/10/2010 19:47

How did your appointment go?

proudnscary · 15/10/2010 19:47

Me too and well done

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/10/2010 19:52

blue how did your appointment go?

I was where you are - ADs are wonderful things and have sorted me right out and now I'm off them and life is good.

Come back and keep talking :)

northernrock · 15/10/2010 20:35

Ok Blue-I have an action plan for you. I have been where you are and I really think I can help:

  1. Do as advised and tell the doctor how you are feeling. Then talk to your husband and tell him THE WHOLE TRUTH. Maybe he really doesn't realise how bad you feel.Get him to take the baby out sometimes

2)Think about going back to work part time. At least when you are out in the world you are around people and having a break from 24 hour motherhood.

3)Try St John's Wort and Omega 3-no side effects unlike anti-D's/

  1. Find a playgroup/mums and tots. It's somewhere to go in the day and everyone there is in a similar position.

5)Remember THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT WIFE AND MOTHER.

I am rooting for you. Go to it. x

northernrock · 15/10/2010 20:36

Hey-just saw all the most recent posts about doctor's appointment-brilliant news x

Original poster
blueascanbe · 15/10/2010 20:45

Hi everyone

Sorry for not replying sooner, I've been taking some time out since my doctors appointment, I've had a lovely bath and a few gins whilst DH has been looking after DS.

The GP was so lovely, I cried and cried and she listened to everything I had to say. She's given me fluoxetine and referred me to councelling. I feel better, not great, just better. Perhaps that's the gin though I'm not sure.

Listen, I know this is very un-mumsnet, but to take the time to reply to me today has meant more to me than words can express. I needed someone to talk to, and you were there to listen. At times, Mumsnet can bring out the worse in me...make me angry and upset. But at times like this, when it comes down to it, it's the best thing I've ever come cross.

Thank you
x

OP posts:
pozzled · 15/10/2010 20:55

Blue, have only just read your thread but I'm so glad that you went to the GP and told them how your feel- it must have taken a lot of courage to do that.

I do hope things improve for you now that you have got some help, and remember not to be hard on yourself- it's the depression making you feel that way.

Also glad to see that your DH has been looking after your DH, I hope he will understand how you are feeling and be supportive.

PercyPigPie · 15/10/2010 21:10

That was really brave of you Blue Smile. Enjoy the gin and I hope things start to look up soon.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 15/10/2010 21:15

well done blue you will start to feel better soon, just remember that the ADs may make you feel a bit worse before it makes you feel better,

I had PND after DS2 and found these things really really helped:

Talking, told a few people how I felt and I really improved, esp. DH who thought I was just being a bit slobby but really helped out when I said how sad I was.

getting out the house every day, making myself talk to people at playgroups.

not worrying about bonding with LO, I didnt bond with him til he was a bit older, now he is the apple of my eye.

Remembering that some days are hard when you have kids but it will always get easier.

thinking of you

backwardpossom · 15/10/2010 21:19

Well done blue, I really hope things improve soon. Your last post has brought a wee tear to my eye. :) Take care x

Lynli · 15/10/2010 21:37

I have taken fluoxetine, it really worked well for me.

I do hope you are feeling better soon.

SarahStratton · 16/10/2010 08:20

Lovely stuff :) That's what I was prescribed and it made me feel the most wonderful 'I really don't give a fuck I'm so happy'. Lovely, really liked it. It was the starting point to getting better, and then one day I was sitting outside in the garden and the sun was shining through a knothole in the fence and somehow making a little rainbow on the patio. And I suddenly realised life was good again.

Blue I hope your rainbow moment comes soon for you

hairymelons · 16/10/2010 08:58

I'm so glad you posted and also that you got the support you needed from your GP.

Well done, it is a huge, scary step but you are on your way to better times :)

atmywitssend · 16/10/2010 10:40

Blue - I am so glad that yesterday went well. You have taken a really positive step and I hope that things get better for you and that you can enjoy the weekend. x